for all people suffering ,,,,,stop blaming others,,,,,,, zen

However, there is such a thing as minority stress and this is experienced by many autistics.  Being in the majority confers a certain privilege and also power, which is liable to be misused.  So, if ever you've felt singled out for bullying or mistreatment at school, in the workplace or more generally, you're probably correct in assuming that you're experiencing a different level of difficulty.

To me the urge to "Stop blaming others", though perhaps well intentioned, can feeling like shifting the blame towards the victim - "Well, you've suffered all of this at the hands of others but now you're just being un-Zen like to feel bitter and blaming too!"

I actually think there's some merit in apportioning blame and, say, considering a responsibility pie chart.  Otherwise some will actually take on the additional burden of feeling it's all their own fault.  Then maybe the difficult emotions can be to some extent channelled away from the self, responsibility can be appropriately assigned and energies can be shifted into positive actions, providing an impetus for change. 

I can, of course, also reflect and meditate and dissipate any emotional distress I'm going through.  I dont want to dissolve into a welter of bitterness, after all.  I can also forgive, let go and move on.  But at the end of the day the damage is there, it often continues to be perpetrated against minority groups and, although individual change is helpful and constructive, change on a cultural and societal level is also needed.  

Possibly more like a small aniseed ball, but yeah, spot on analysis. 

Far from it. Desmond has pulled back the facade of modern life to reveal that we are in fact still all enslaved. Our modern slave masters however use mass psychology to manipulate our basic drives in order to make us be our own  "overseers" and do the administration for them. When they feel the need to "crack the whip" (about every ten years along comes a "recession" or "credit crunch" or "bail in") to focus your attention on PAYING THAT MORTGAGE, whilst the ledger is rebalanced to transfer ownership of 90% of what you made since  the last "adverse financial event" to those who own 90% of everything. (On paper of course, in real life you own what you can hold or at least control) 

And just to be clear, here:

A conspiracy THEORIST retells stories.

A conspiracy ANALYST collates and analyses those stories to winnow out the truth of the matter. 

A competent conspiracy analyst either goes mad, becomes a "truther", or at best, gets an answer to his question: "since we had the industrial revolution 200 years ago which clearly reduced our need to labour in order to produce food and other neccessities, and the majority of houses were built and paid for decades ago, why do so many people HAVE to go to work to pay a mortgage?"       

I got exposed to Conspiracy theory during the events of 9/11, where my INFALLIBLE personal sales pitch detector went off later in the day, and I realised that "we are being sold something" here. I can clearly see when opinions are being formed via use of the media. (Vance Packard's "the Hidden Persuaders" will show you how the mechanicals of that works, it works both as a text book and also as a horror story, but is really just information that isn't pushed at you, so no one really gets to read.) IN the case of 9/11 it turns out we were all being "sold" a whole new way of life, what wags (some guy I used to talk about CT with) perfectly described as the "Post truth society". 

We have now replaced a set of ideals derived from the life and teaching of Jesus Christ and refined over 100's of years of people's efforts in cloisters and church pulpits, which placed us at the apex of human endeavour, with "Wokeness"...

so in confectionery(sweets)  terms, you are like a gobstopper inside a marshmallow  ............... but eventually they will both start to dissolve when the enddate arrives 

I've been "tested" somewhat, and I have found in myself underneath the squishy marshmallow like outer covering which many call "the mask" I have a core of steel (or something else pretty un-deformable). 

Since human life appears to be a sort of brownian motion, preserving that squishy outer layer, makes the bumping experience less damaging for all. 

to be better people 

Devils Advocate... Why should we bend ,for others inabilities ? 

mael said:

So i think blame is needed , understanding why something has happened helps to allow the correct use of blame and the natural series of events / emotions to follow .  even if the blame lies with ones self.  

Yes - I'm an engineer - my professional opinion costs people a lot of money and if I'm asked to analyse a system and find the failure points, then the 'blame' may come down to 'Joe' being rubbish at his job.         Finding a healthy way forward once the failure is identified fixes the problem.

Saying everything is no-one's fault seems a bit simplistic.

I agree,,,,,, but u must blame no one not even yourself but apart from that I agree. u seek solutions in yourself (zen)  

To general .

Blame is the action of accountability, which is the start of change .  The problems come from blaming the wrong thing /person . What most people struggle with is the feelings that come from blame like anger and frustration .[which are the feelings that can do damage and  need to be allowed to let go of ].

So i think blame is needed , understanding why something has happened helps to allow the correct use of blame and the natural series of events / emotions to follow .  even if the blame lies with ones self.  

I have listened to Dr Rangan Chaterjee talk to Gabor Mate a couple of times and think it is very insightful except that I think my childhood was pretty good (apart from my mum dying when I was 14) so I can't see how it has affected what I do/feel nowadays.

sure thanks

https://youtu.be/__JLFw2FtEQ

Thought this was relevant to OP  

thanks,  no one is perfect.

Look you two...

IF you've had a nasty life full of mysterious adversity, (like some here clearly have) and you find that people really WERE treating you different to the NT majority, (they ain't going to get away with that shite any more with me!!) and they really HAVE been picking on you for a half century for no good reason, then holding NT's accountable for their actions, AKA "blaming" them is perfectly fair, and more relevant, a basic human coping mechanism. 

O.K. Punishing them for their transgressions, alhough an attractive proposition, would be going a bit too far, but taking control, and unseating the adenochrome junkies currently in charge, and replacing them with real humans (whether Auties or not, I don;t care, we just need to have a less evilly structured society) needs to be done as a matter of some urgency, and the normies will always lack the courage of their convictions, (one of the major reasons they don't like us, we don't do groupthink)

So, whilst I would definitely NOT ignore what such a productive and hard working member of this community says, Aidie, and I do respect that your post comes from an innate kindess and seeking of a correct life balance I am not sue that acceptance of my experience and attempting to find the solution in myself really is the winning plan, after fifty plus years of trying and  failing to make that work!

Thank you aidie 

everyone has the same life, no one has a manual, so dont waste it holding a grudge/ being frustrated.   I said above it is very hard to do.

yes it is difficult for everyone, including all non-autistics, to stop blaming others.

I agree, but it's difficult. Those of us who have been late diagnosed (including myself) have been through a lifetime of bullying, failure, lack of support etc. It is difficult not to be bitter about it.

I don't blame other people, but I am frustrated at not having received the rules to this game of life, which the vast majority have. This unquestionably puts me at a disadvantage. I've spent a lifetime playing catch up & at pushing 50 I still don't really get it, but I'm improving. I can do no more than that. The trouble is when the NT world misunderstands & expects more.