for all people suffering ,,,,,stop blaming others,,,,,,, zen

I agree, but it's difficult. Those of us who have been late diagnosed (including myself) have been through a lifetime of bullying, failure, lack of support etc. It is difficult not to be bitter about it.

yes it is difficult for everyone, including all non-autistics, to stop blaming others.

yes it is difficult for everyone, including all non-autistics, to stop blaming others.

thanks for contributing to my discussion

It is very dangerous (as well I know) to expect what works for you, to automatically work for others.   

Or as my (thankfully departed) Dad used to say, "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink".

We all need to find our own way, and generalising about others, just alienates them if they have not yet reached the place where you are at.

Do remember that Autism is perhaps the most annoying condition in the world, both for the Autists and those who have to cope with our little ways. 

You know, I think it's about time for a "finding your superpower" thread where we discuss what's actually GOOD about being the way we are.. 

because the nice zen lady told me and i believe her because she was right in my case

How do you know that they blame other people all the time?

Maybe they just come here to let of a bit of steam? 

Maybe for some of us, other people ARE the source of all their problems!

Most of the major traumas I have suffered have been down to other people, particularly the abuse I took as a child. When you have a six year old child, there simply is no excuse for screaming at them concepts like "you are selfish", "you don't care about others", in between the blows with the horsewhip. O.K. my experience was pretty extreme form what I can gather, but I'm willing to bet others here have similar experiences, and the first step to recovery in my case was to reapportion the blame to the people who handed out the unnnecesary and unhelpful beatings, and bullying. 

It was not my fault, I didn't own any of it, and to be told I do, is frankly, insensitive and unhelpful.

There's a REASON this card in my wallet identifies me as a "vulnerable adult". It's because we ARE vulnerable to the nasty oppressive types of human being.

Although to be fair I believe my dad was also an undiagnosed Autist (the ECT & insulin shock therapy he recieved in his youth from "normie world" didn't seem to helped him adjust very much, IMHO. Remarrying the nasty piece of work he did, then leaving me in her less than tender hands whilst he worked away just sealed my fate. She'd kick the crap out of me all week, then complain to him as soon as he got in on Friday, so he'd then kick the crap out of me all weekend.

I have the greatest of sympathy for anyone who encountered me as a young person, and I carry some considerable sadness for the unsocial acts I was responsible for. 

Well, when my lovely yoga class just at the end of my street ended after a couple of years, I noticed a chi kung advert and then attended this for several years too, alongside my own inner work (daily practice) and reading.   And, against all my expectations (cos the yoga, meditations and visualisations were great, I thought), the chi kung took me deeper.  It shifted things from "stretch to relax" to "relax to stretch".  But most of it was internal work rather than external posturing.

My teacher learnt from Bruce Frantzis, who learnt from Taoist Master Liu in China (apparently the lineage is considered important) and the focus was on internal martial arts, meditation and chi kung.  Some of it is known as the water method of internal dissolving and this takes body scanning techniques to a new level.  Hard to convey in a short message like this but my way into this was first of all reading "The Way of Energy" by Master Lam, then finding that class and moving on to the books of Bruce Frantzis.  

A bit of a tangent, but I also found that much of it fitted with my spiritual beliefs and when I first attended I was also doing a psychic development class (I know, not everyone's cup of tea and in an area that is undoubtedly plagued by charlatans but I'm mentionnning for anyone who might be interested).  They went well together.

I wonder whether some of it was a good fit because I'm autistic...   It worked with my sensitivities, improved my proprioception and interoception, plus generally centred me as a person.  So, when the responsibility is mine, I own it and I work with it.  But, as well as accepting that what's mine is mine, I keep myself safer by being better at identifying what's "theirs" - i.e. if individuals, organisations or society are to blame, I blame them.  I don't stew in it, but I let them know and I place the responsibility where it belongs. 

my advice, isnt mine, it comes from a mindfulness meditation teacher called Charolette Joto Beck.

She was an excellent teacher much better than most Zen Masters.

what is chi kung meditation ?

It does indeed.  Hot coals 'n' all that. 

What I'm saying, though, is that there is such a thing as appropriate blame, a balancing of responsibility.  I don't see this as necessarily unhealthy and I don't stew or hold onto stuff for ages.  I can still do my chi kung meditation, yoga, whatever dissipates negative stuff and protects my core self.  But fair blame enables me to see things more clearly, take a balanced view and often to avoid further damage cos I can see how things are lining up.  

It influences my decision making, from what to buy on a day to day basis to "right livelihood" and social, medical and political choices.  So I don't think it's the rational act of assigning responsibility or blame that is damaging so much as the big emotional heave that might come with it and sweep over us if we allow it to.  And that's where my meditation and mindfulness comes in.    

everyone in here is speculating except Zen

I suppose if people are meant to see things differently,  it'll come to them at some point in their lives. I see it as about training your brain.

Rigid thinking is a key autistic trait which might have something to do with people on here who are quick to blame others. But I'm just speculating.

yes of course it makes sense but there are people here who immediately blame everything on other people all the time. 

I can't change ultimately how my brain is wired. (I'm changing my perceptions of life and others but this is different...it's about insights I'm learning. I'm always going to have some degree of difficulty for example, with social interaction). My brain is wired differently and this gives me difficulties in life.

So who or what is to blame for my brain being wired differently? I can't find an answer to that. So I can't apportion blame to anyone or anything for being autistic.

Does my point of view make sense to anyone or have I rambled?

by blaiming others u do damage to yourself  that is what Buddhism suggests 

However, there is such a thing as minority stress and this is experienced by many autistics.  Being in the majority confers a certain privilege and also power, which is liable to be misused.  So, if ever you've felt singled out for bullying or mistreatment at school, in the workplace or more generally, you're probably correct in assuming that you're experiencing a different level of difficulty.

To me the urge to "Stop blaming others", though perhaps well intentioned, can feeling like shifting the blame towards the victim - "Well, you've suffered all of this at the hands of others but now you're just being un-Zen like to feel bitter and blaming too!"

I actually think there's some merit in apportioning blame and, say, considering a responsibility pie chart.  Otherwise some will actually take on the additional burden of feeling it's all their own fault.  Then maybe the difficult emotions can be to some extent channelled away from the self, responsibility can be appropriately assigned and energies can be shifted into positive actions, providing an impetus for change. 

I can, of course, also reflect and meditate and dissipate any emotional distress I'm going through.  I dont want to dissolve into a welter of bitterness, after all.  I can also forgive, let go and move on.  But at the end of the day the damage is there, it often continues to be perpetrated against minority groups and, although individual change is helpful and constructive, change on a cultural and societal level is also needed.