for all people suffering ,,,,,stop blaming others,,,,,,, zen

everyone in here is speculating except Zen

I suppose if people are meant to see things differently,  it'll come to them at some point in their lives. I see it as about training your brain.

Rigid thinking is a key autistic trait which might have something to do with people on here who are quick to blame others. But I'm just speculating.

yes of course it makes sense but there are people here who immediately blame everything on other people all the time. 

I can't change ultimately how my brain is wired. (I'm changing my perceptions of life and others but this is different...it's about insights I'm learning. I'm always going to have some degree of difficulty for example, with social interaction). My brain is wired differently and this gives me difficulties in life.

So who or what is to blame for my brain being wired differently? I can't find an answer to that. So I can't apportion blame to anyone or anything for being autistic.

Does my point of view make sense to anyone or have I rambled?

I found audios of her on Youtube  would u believe -----   just her voice   

sorry I have to go right now ..... I will PM u.     

I am looking for more of her lessons/writing/videos/audios she explains thing in a way I understand.

do u have any ?

like Charolette Joto Beck says u are welcome to not listen and stay the way u are.

but thanks for contributing to my discussion your replies are most welcome 

A wise man once said: When the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything takes on quite a Nail like aspect. 

Zen along with a few other organised systems of human ideals seeks to be more of a leatherman multi-tool than a hammer, to be fair, but sometimes if you haven't got an oscilloscope, you can't fix it.

An oscilloscope of course is a tool that sits idle like many others, occupying space and being of no use...

Perhaps I shouldn't pick at this metaphor too much, in case it leaves a nasty scar.. :c)

I'm sorry to hear that but yes I too had a good upbringing. I got from the video,  that it is also to to do with self esteem. In the example given thst we immediately go for the outcome or answer or reason which affects us personslly. Something I've learned over the past few years is to TRY to see the bigger picture (eg someone might be having a bad day which is why they are being mean rather than they don't like you) also that people have their own reasons and intentions for doing things and I have no control over that.

I think for autistic people, some/many have low self esteem due to how they have been treated by others and can immediately jump to the most negative outcome of a situation which feels personal rather than looking at other possibilities. 

this is pretty deep stuff  - i too have read  Joko's books and found her writing pretty useful. 

u always have a choice

but

thanks for contributing to my discussion

Not sure how is this useful to anyone in here ?

but,

thanks for contributing to my discussion

zen says opposite by blaming others u do damage to yourself.

Its ok u have a choice and u are welcome to stay the way u are.

my discussion/zen lesson has helped others here ( feedback via PM ) 

thanks for contributing to my discussion

zen says opposite by blaming others u do damage to yourself. Its ok u have a choice and u are welcome to stay the way u are.

thanks for contributing to my discussion

by blaiming others u do damage to yourself  that is what Buddhism suggests 

To continue an analogy from the Likely Lads, in the chocolate box of life I'm getting better at choosing the ones I like and enjoy, the ones which will add to my sense of wellbeing.  I keep things under review but as things stand I tend to avoid the Psychiatric Nougat and the Welfare Surprise.   

A guy once stood outside a venue where a bunch of trickcyclists were meeting to discuss cutting edge psychiatry.

He asked them this simple question as they were leaving. "Have you ever successfully "fixed" anyone?"

Turned out that none of them had...

And I am very much liking the cut of your jib JennyButterfly... I'd like to see some of these people being paid by results, not acquisition of qualifications myself, along with oncologists, and a few other overly expensive "useless eaters".

Exactly.  They SHOULD be less useless and a 1/2 days training on autism awareness isn't going to fix this.  If they at least asked for feedback and seemed willing learn things could improve but as it stands (low funding/low awareness/little that is autism-friendly) there seem to be too many roadblocks to improvements.  I'm now very reluctant to seek help or support from the NHS or council.  All it does is push me through a whole series of hoops with only minimal "unhelpful help" at the end of it.  

NB  for me it feels quite useful to assign blame where I feel it belongs because then I won't keep making the same mistakes and assuming "expertise" where there is none. 

thanks for this

In the past couple of weeks i have discovered Autism and have had decades of Mental health professionals not considering it as an option or even mentioning the name to me .. so we are where we are, but shouldn't the professionals in mental health be less useless and not waste decades of peoples lives through that incompetence? Sorry i'm trying to move things on from a new positive base which I discovered even though they have lost me decades of my life on the way to my inquiry, research and realization.

Well, I'm not about to spend my life blaming others, but it still feels useful to assign appropriate blame where others (individuals, groups, organisations or cutlures) have clearly acted against us.  Otherwise we might immerse ourselves in a whole rake of therapies, meditations and self-improvment strategies when actually there's a need for action, education and campaigning with a view to social change.  

I'm not saying that therapies, mindfulness and other approaches haren't helpful, mind you, rather that the onus isn't just on us as individuals to "better ourselves" and that maybe some of our perfectly understandable responses to trauma and victimisation should be channelled, collectively, against the (often unwitting) perpetrators.  

See the whole game.