for all people suffering ,,,,,stop blaming others,,,,,,, zen

live

thanks for contributing to my discussion

It is very dangerous (as well I know) to expect what works for you, to automatically work for others.   

Or as my (thankfully departed) Dad used to say, "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink".

We all need to find our own way, and generalising about others, just alienates them if they have not yet reached the place where you are at.

Do remember that Autism is perhaps the most annoying condition in the world, both for the Autists and those who have to cope with our little ways. 

You know, I think it's about time for a "finding your superpower" thread where we discuss what's actually GOOD about being the way we are.. 

because the nice zen lady told me and i believe her because she was right in my case

How do you know that they blame other people all the time?

Maybe they just come here to let of a bit of steam? 

Maybe for some of us, other people ARE the source of all their problems!

Most of the major traumas I have suffered have been down to other people, particularly the abuse I took as a child. When you have a six year old child, there simply is no excuse for screaming at them concepts like "you are selfish", "you don't care about others", in between the blows with the horsewhip. O.K. my experience was pretty extreme form what I can gather, but I'm willing to bet others here have similar experiences, and the first step to recovery in my case was to reapportion the blame to the people who handed out the unnnecesary and unhelpful beatings, and bullying. 

It was not my fault, I didn't own any of it, and to be told I do, is frankly, insensitive and unhelpful.

There's a REASON this card in my wallet identifies me as a "vulnerable adult". It's because we ARE vulnerable to the nasty oppressive types of human being.

Although to be fair I believe my dad was also an undiagnosed Autist (the ECT & insulin shock therapy he recieved in his youth from "normie world" didn't seem to helped him adjust very much, IMHO. Remarrying the nasty piece of work he did, then leaving me in her less than tender hands whilst he worked away just sealed my fate. She'd kick the crap out of me all week, then complain to him as soon as he got in on Friday, so he'd then kick the crap out of me all weekend.

I have the greatest of sympathy for anyone who encountered me as a young person, and I carry some considerable sadness for the unsocial acts I was responsible for. 

thanks for contributing to my discussion

also weighing the lives of others against his revenge. Having realised the path of revenge he was walking down would probably kill him and a lot of people. It's telling the next thing he does after rejecting the notion of swapping revenge for suicide is to dump his girlfriend very publicly so as to keep her safe.

thanks for contributing to my discussion

My favourite quote, Hamlet wondering if it's better to live or die.

Well, when my lovely yoga class just at the end of my street ended after a couple of years, I noticed a chi kung advert and then attended this for several years too, alongside my own inner work (daily practice) and reading.   And, against all my expectations (cos the yoga, meditations and visualisations were great, I thought), the chi kung took me deeper.  It shifted things from "stretch to relax" to "relax to stretch".  But most of it was internal work rather than external posturing.

My teacher learnt from Bruce Frantzis, who learnt from Taoist Master Liu in China (apparently the lineage is considered important) and the focus was on internal martial arts, meditation and chi kung.  Some of it is known as the water method of internal dissolving and this takes body scanning techniques to a new level.  Hard to convey in a short message like this but my way into this was first of all reading "The Way of Energy" by Master Lam, then finding that class and moving on to the books of Bruce Frantzis.  

A bit of a tangent, but I also found that much of it fitted with my spiritual beliefs and when I first attended I was also doing a psychic development class (I know, not everyone's cup of tea and in an area that is undoubtedly plagued by charlatans but I'm mentionnning for anyone who might be interested).  They went well together.

I wonder whether some of it was a good fit because I'm autistic...   It worked with my sensitivities, improved my proprioception and interoception, plus generally centred me as a person.  So, when the responsibility is mine, I own it and I work with it.  But, as well as accepting that what's mine is mine, I keep myself safer by being better at identifying what's "theirs" - i.e. if individuals, organisations or society are to blame, I blame them.  I don't stew in it, but I let them know and I place the responsibility where it belongs. 

my advice, isnt mine, it comes from a mindfulness meditation teacher called Charolette Joto Beck.

She was an excellent teacher much better than most Zen Masters.

what is chi kung meditation ?

That's pretty cool. Who do you have to know to get on those jollies?

Yes, but did any of these people who are so quick to judge (on whatever it may be) ever had to endure what the people their judging on had to? I do believe in walking a mile in someone else's shoes before making a judgement on them.

thanks for contributing to my discussion

Fair blame can be useful I think, even if it's just vented as a warning to others.  Why not hold psychiatrists accountable?  We have responsibilities to ourselves and our various ways of dealing with these, but I think there can also be wisdom in discerning when to go inwards and when to throw stuff outwards.  e.g.  If I have a bad experience with psychiatry, why not vent, throw it out there and share with interested others?   I can still drill down, reflect, meditate and keep myself psychologically healthy, after all.    

Not assigning fair blame can also be damaging, I've found.  It's certainly my responsibility to handle and dissipate negative emotions that might well impinge on my health.  But if there are individual, collective or systemic issues out there, they need to be tackled and highlighting the faults can be the first step in this.  Otherwise I might think I need to do more meditation or focus on self improvement in one way or another when really I need to reflect on how we've arrived at this situation and how it (rather than I) needs to change.  If I can join with others to highlight these needs and make those changes, so much the better, but why should I not place the blame firmly where it belongs in the first instance?  

It does indeed.  Hot coals 'n' all that. 

What I'm saying, though, is that there is such a thing as appropriate blame, a balancing of responsibility.  I don't see this as necessarily unhealthy and I don't stew or hold onto stuff for ages.  I can still do my chi kung meditation, yoga, whatever dissipates negative stuff and protects my core self.  But fair blame enables me to see things more clearly, take a balanced view and often to avoid further damage cos I can see how things are lining up.  

It influences my decision making, from what to buy on a day to day basis to "right livelihood" and social, medical and political choices.  So I don't think it's the rational act of assigning responsibility or blame that is damaging so much as the big emotional heave that might come with it and sweep over us if we allow it to.  And that's where my meditation and mindfulness comes in.    

I don't have my own ppl - don't have a use for it - but I do fly a lot with friends in planes and helicopters - like pop to the Isle of Wight  for lunch....or France on a wine trip ....or fly down the Thames etc..

I've taxied a Lancaster, back-seated a Spitfire - and I was in a DH Mosquito last month. 

thanks for this. 

i am helping my autistic (plane mad ) nephew plan and build his microlight ----  which is kinda scarey   it stopped for covid but we are back on again now

hes also into cards so hes the guy that will be making your cards.if we get time.

I hope my ravings help someone out there somewhere. I've tried my hardest to distil the truth out of a confusing life, and if anything I put out helps someone NOT spend as much time as I have it's a god use of my time, and occasionally people set me straight or give me a point of view or toll that I don't have, so there's some self interest in there as well.

I think I may possess a fairly fractured psyche, due to childhood trauma, so my solutions have to satisfy multiple needs sometimes, so I dare to think that some of my thinking may be helpful to others, if they pick the right bits.

Like: Don't even think of learning to fly, unless you can casually spend thousands of pounds intermittently, or are a REALLY social person.

Without those basic qualifications, It won't make you happy. even if you work the problem for thirty years and end up with your own small aeroplane, and end up working in the hangar doing the maintenance...

Anyone else here who has a pilot licence want to chime in? :c) I wouldn't put it past @Plastic to have a PPL.