Rollercoaster

I suppose I've not consciously been hiding, more just trying to blend in without realising it. Now I can see it I find is very disconcerting. I also think I must be good at it as people are surprised or dismissive when I mention even just anxiety, never mine autism.

spend a lifetime hiding and masking ,then worry about not being seen for your real self. You know who you are and thats what really matters . I find even when i try to hid it people see right through me ,

Thanks for the suggestion., I will definitely do this. You can also shorten my username to Duck or my name is Michelle. 

I would suggest you write it as a bullett point list.  You may be surpised at just how long it grows, I know I was.

That is exactly me!!! 

And let's face it, a lot of us have gone decades without anyone noticing we are autistic. I suppose it is a reasonable worry. 

I don't know about you but I over think everything and work myself up. I would be worried about the same, that they would only see the outside and not the turmoil inside. We're here for you!

Yes the GP call was hard. The autism service in my area let you self refer and also take note of how you like being contacted. I hate unexpected phone calls but they respected my request for contact by text message/email and sent me a message. It is so refreshing to have a service text me to make arrangements. 

Now I'm just worried I'll come across as coping really well in my assessment and be back to square one. I know we all worry about this though. Feeling better just knowing we all go through this in one form or another. 

It wasn't my idea, someone else mentioned it on a thread and I made a mental note of it. 

I have been writing stuff down but I think I probably need to write it down in a bit more of a coherent structure. Whenever something comes to me about the past I've just been jotting it down in a little book for now. 

That really is a rollercoaster, and a lot to process. The most important thing you can do is look after yourself. You know yourself better tha  anyone. As Ben said, prepare as best you can. Write things down. Also include childhood experiences and difficulties. Take time to look after yourself, and be kind to yourself. I won't say "don't stress" because I know I would be climbing the walls and working myself up into a state, I did that just for the GP screening. We're here for you.

Hello Hookaduckduck (could I just call you Duck?).  You're clearly doing the right thing, you've got that important  first appointment lined up. Stay calm, make notes, make a list of your diffiulties and differences and take it with you.

I like the idea of asking about cancellations, I'm not sure I would have thought of that; well done!

Don't start worrying about not getting the result you're hoping for, just go along and tell it how it is, that's all you can do.

When I now read my report back, all I see in the pages is 'me'  with all my quirks, differences and genius, and it's rather good to see it all there. I know I told the truth. I'd been misdiagnosed with chronic anxiety for years, nobody would listen to me if I mentioned ASD, but they have to now.

Hang in there girl, things are moving.

Ben

This website is awful. It won't give me the option to reply to you on my phone so sorry for the delay.

I think I see disclosure as my only means of survival in a high pressured job, except I'm not sure it has really made me feel any better. I think I am incompatible with my job. As a result of this, I contacted someone about a job I turned down in January to see whether it is still available to me and it looks like it is. I feel terrible to my current employer but I need to look after myself. I've not hastily handed in my notice yet, I need to make sure the new job is secure first. Hopefully a less chaotic job with a very clear function will help me. 

Hi there. I think what you did at work was so brave - something I have not been able to do even though my work life has been affected by problems. Because I worry that I would get overwhelmed emotionally by doing so - ashamed even, because I have not come to terms with it myself. So I think you are amazing to have done so.

It is no wonder that you feel exhausted and don't feel okay. I hope you manage to find something that helps you feel a bit better today. Do you have to go to work today?

The other part - being worried about assessment - that's a difficult one for me to answer. I think even though we doubt our diagnosis, I think that we know ourselves best. That we know that we haven't fit in, are different and struggle. I think that two months is still a long time to wait and worry - take care of yourself, as much as you can and I find posting here and reading here so helpful to sooth my worries.

Sorry if I've not answered all of your threads. My working memory isn't great and neither is my concentration span.

I hope so. I don't currently feel OK. 

u'll be ok