Published on 12, July, 2020
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After being on this forum for a while I noticed that my GPs prediction of a 6 month wait for assessment seemed unrealistic, so I contacted the team and asked them. 6 months for INITIAL assessment, 12-18 months after that for full assessment.
I'd seen someone else on here ask about being assessed at short notice if there was a cancellation so I did that and they said that they could do this.
Meanwhile, coming to terms with waiting as long as 2 years to be clear on whether I am autistic or not is sending my mind spinning. 2 years and then potentially NOT autistic?! I feel connected with you all already and see so many likenesses. I don't think I could handle the rug being pulled put from me after all that wait.
To add to my ups and downs, yesterday I told a new colleague and my new supervisor (I started a new job in January) that I'm awaiting assessment. My colleague was great, nothing insensitive said, very supportive. My supervisor tried to be supportive but said her son was autistic and I'm not like him (then backtracked about everyone being different, the spectrum etc) but then suggested that she speak to some of the team and ask them to make effort to speak to me... I honestly couldn't think of anything more embarrassing. Fortunately I felt able to say no, please don't do that.
I've been off sick today because with the stress and anticipation of these conversations I've got myself really worked up. When I'm stressed I get really bad heartburn and I find it so hard to function with it. I'm a month into my job and I want to leave.
Then I get a random message today and my initial assessment is next month so me emailing seems to have cut the 6 month wait to a 2 month wait, which is great but now I'm anxious about that as well. Autism has helped me to understand myself in this past month or so despite not changing anything in my life except belonging here on this forum. What if this person assesses me and disagrees? What then?
Feeling very sorry for myself. May not reply straight away as I am absolutely exhausted, particularly after yesterday's disclosures.
Hi there. I think what you did at work was so brave - something I have not been able to do even though my work life has been affected by problems. Because I worry that I would get overwhelmed emotionally by doing so - ashamed even, because I have not come to terms with it myself. So I think you are amazing to have done so.
It is no wonder that you feel exhausted and don't feel okay. I hope you manage to find something that helps you feel a bit better today. Do you have to go to work today?
The other part - being worried about assessment - that's a difficult one for me to answer. I think even though we doubt our diagnosis, I think that we know ourselves best. That we know that we haven't fit in, are different and struggle. I think that two months is still a long time to wait and worry - take care of yourself, as much as you can and I find posting here and reading here so helpful to sooth my worries.
Sorry if I've not answered all of your threads. My working memory isn't great and neither is my concentration span.
This website is awful. It won't give me the option to reply to you on my phone so sorry for the delay.
I think I see disclosure as my only means of survival in a high pressured job, except I'm not sure it has really made me feel any better. I think I am incompatible with my job. As a result of this, I contacted someone about a job I turned down in January to see whether it is still available to me and it looks like it is. I feel terrible to my current employer but I need to look after myself. I've not hastily handed in my notice yet, I need to make sure the new job is secure first. Hopefully a less chaotic job with a very clear function will help me.