Published on 12, July, 2020
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After being on this forum for a while I noticed that my GPs prediction of a 6 month wait for assessment seemed unrealistic, so I contacted the team and asked them. 6 months for INITIAL assessment, 12-18 months after that for full assessment.
I'd seen someone else on here ask about being assessed at short notice if there was a cancellation so I did that and they said that they could do this.
Meanwhile, coming to terms with waiting as long as 2 years to be clear on whether I am autistic or not is sending my mind spinning. 2 years and then potentially NOT autistic?! I feel connected with you all already and see so many likenesses. I don't think I could handle the rug being pulled put from me after all that wait.
To add to my ups and downs, yesterday I told a new colleague and my new supervisor (I started a new job in January) that I'm awaiting assessment. My colleague was great, nothing insensitive said, very supportive. My supervisor tried to be supportive but said her son was autistic and I'm not like him (then backtracked about everyone being different, the spectrum etc) but then suggested that she speak to some of the team and ask them to make effort to speak to me... I honestly couldn't think of anything more embarrassing. Fortunately I felt able to say no, please don't do that.
I've been off sick today because with the stress and anticipation of these conversations I've got myself really worked up. When I'm stressed I get really bad heartburn and I find it so hard to function with it. I'm a month into my job and I want to leave.
Then I get a random message today and my initial assessment is next month so me emailing seems to have cut the 6 month wait to a 2 month wait, which is great but now I'm anxious about that as well. Autism has helped me to understand myself in this past month or so despite not changing anything in my life except belonging here on this forum. What if this person assesses me and disagrees? What then?
Feeling very sorry for myself. May not reply straight away as I am absolutely exhausted, particularly after yesterday's disclosures.
That really is a rollercoaster, and a lot to process. The most important thing you can do is look after yourself. You know yourself better tha anyone. As Ben said, prepare as best you can. Write things down. Also include childhood experiences and difficulties. Take time to look after yourself, and be kind to yourself. I won't say "don't stress" because I know I would be climbing the walls and working myself up into a state, I did that just for the GP screening. We're here for you.
Yes the GP call was hard. The autism service in my area let you self refer and also take note of how you like being contacted. I hate unexpected phone calls but they respected my request for contact by text message/email and sent me a message. It is so refreshing to have a service text me to make arrangements.
Now I'm just worried I'll come across as coping really well in my assessment and be back to square one. I know we all worry about this though. Feeling better just knowing we all go through this in one form or another.
I don't know about you but I over think everything and work myself up. I would be worried about the same, that they would only see the outside and not the turmoil inside. We're here for you!
That is exactly me!!!
And let's face it, a lot of us have gone decades without anyone noticing we are autistic. I suppose it is a reasonable worry.