Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Got diagnosed with Aspergers in April this year, and while it has been helpful to a degree honestly it's almost raised more questions than it's answered as looking into it I've just found a huge list of possible effects it could have to the point that even explaining it to people is difficult besides just dumbing it down to "to literal don't read people". One of the major issues I'm finding currently is in work, I work full time in an annoyingly open-plan office, and most of the time I can cope and just focus on work, but sometimes minor things just seem to either massively stress me out or cause a complete breakdown (honestly not even sure what I'd call it), yesterday for example I had to change 2 passwords, ended up putting the wrong 1 in to often and thus started 3 hours of trying to sort it out as our companies system for it is ridiculously convoluted, and by the end of it was I so stressed out and tense I couldn't calm down and ended up having to go and work from home, which tends to sort me out fairly quickly.
So to the question, is this actually anything to do with Aspergers or is it just entirely separate not coping with stresses well? and if it is related is the best way to sort it actually any different to other people? The person who did the assessment made a point of some things are other people just need to learn how to deal with people with Aspergers, but there is some stuff you need to work on, however I've been finding it very hard to even confirm what is definitely part of it and what could just be 1 of the other things that can come with it. It's made worse as well as I live with a friend who's advice is always "you just need to grow up and deal with stress like everybody else does it's nothing to do with Aspergers", which is mainly her view as her boyfriend has Aspergers as well and doesn't have this as an issue, so at this point I'm just not sure if she's right and is just being harsh about it, or if she's just wrongly working on a basis of "every single aspie is exactly the same so as my boyfriend isn't like that you shouldn't be either as he's my template for aspies"
Thanks in advance and feel free to say she is right and I just need to deal with it, as honestly even know for sure that's it would help, I just really don't know right now as afterwards I always know it's a stupid thing (I mean having a breakdown from locking yourself out of a computer at work is stupid), but it still ends up happening every few months and if I try to go into work the next day I end up feeling crap again, today I tried to go into work and ended up having to come and work from home again as I couldn't cope, but tomorrow I know I'll almost certainly be fine.
Hehe, pretty much! I'm kind of grateful that I'm not brought into those sort of conversations. I think they noticed early on that I didn't care. One time a girl asked me if I watched Love Island and I just shot back a death stare. Like, seriously!? You think I, the person who is obsessed with Star Trek, watches that ***? I was kind of offended.
To be fair, I do like most of my colleagues. I get on pretty well with a couple, because we actually share some interests. I'm just not comfortable in the environment so I find it hard to relax. Plus I'm no good at initiating conversations. So despite dressing very colourful and looking "approachable", I'm really not. At work, anyway.
People are weird. Yet we're seen as the weird ones 'cause we don't tolerate bullshit. Figures!
Pretty much, and as not many people I work with seem to share my interests I just don't talk to them much, the guy who was on his phone all the time actually tried talking to me early on when he joined our team... think he tried asking something like "where are you born"... I think I just looked at him and didn't respond as he definitely didn't get an answer and stopped asking stupid questions after that.
I mean seriously I don't think even the people I know fairly well have asked that... what is it with people and their desire to fill every second with pointless chatter about irrelevant things, it's almost painful hearing the same "oh how was your night? good good" every morning from other people as it's so obvious with their response they don't care and probably didn't even listen, it's just the social norm they need to do. Why would you ask about somebodys day or how their night was if you don't care?
Bleh, people are weird...
It's good they've made some adjustments. I've had the similar ones made for me too, fortunately.
It's really not fair that they've marked you down just because you don't talk much. You're probably like me and can't tolerate the usual work small talk bollocks. I only talk when I have to or if I'm talking about the niche things I'm passionate about. Other people don't really interest me much, lol.
There's a woman at work who drives me nuts. Doesn't seem to do much work either. Is the embodiment of everything I hate. At least she's only part-time!
I don't really have a place for a set mug so need to use one of the generals, but I've narrowed it down to dark blue writing ones, though when there aren't any left it does really annoy me...and if anybody takes my chair I take note of when they leave and quickly steal it back. Theres little enough constants in work so I'm keeping the damn constants I do have to myself!
Luckly my work at least is good with letting me go home to work from there when I can't cope in work, and they've given me a set place (though still had the revolving door of people I sit next to making unique weird noises), manager while trying definitely doesn't know how to deal with me either which doesn't help, in mid-year review I was marked down for not chatting with people enough and going to in-work social events, and it's only recently he's learnt that asking me "what's wrong" really doesn't help, as the response is something similar to "I got locked out of my keyboard now I feel like I'm having a complete breakdown", which I doubt is helpful info, and depending on how bad it is, ends up really hard to even get out.
Remember a while back somebody on our team was hardly doing any work and on their phone or chatting to people constantly instead of working, and when I mentioned this to my mention he just said "how does it effect you? just ignore it"... many a time that ended up with me ranting "IT EFFECTS ME BECAUSE I END UP LIKE THIS!"
I can get remarkably narked over so called minor things. A while ago I couldn't find me mug and wound myself up convinced a colleague had deliberately hidden it to wind me up. they hadn't, they just tidied, not realized it was my mug and put it in the "spare mug" drawer.
If anyone parks in "my" car park space it winds me up and I give them evil looks when I see them.
Yeah, I know exactly what that's like. Sometimes I can take a time out, come back and feel okay, but other days I'm like, "Nope!" And get the hell outta there!
Lately i've found it really hard to be in work. Doesn't help I keep everything bottled up, even if my workplace is all like "You can share your feelings, we'll help!" They'll probably regret that when I tell them I'm Autistic.
DUDE. We have to hot desk too! It's an open plan office as well. It's the biggest load of bullshit! It's the dumbest thing. It's an Autistic's nightmare!
Thanks, makes me feel a bit better, main issue I'm having (and that friend is having) is the coping when it happens, today I tried to take a 10min break to calm down 3 times but as soon as I got back to my desk I just started to feel worse again, I've heard some people say they can take a time-out and come back feeling better but it's almost like I'm just associating the area with the feeling to much as I feel fine even just when I'm in the car, hell even out of the building is a big improvement, but going back the next day (like today) just starts a slow descent into feeling crap again even without a trigger this time.
The open plan "hotdesking" office and lack of common sense probably doesn't help though... head of my section seemed confused when I suggested a procedure so everybody is working off the same rules, saying "that's just a waste of time", I mean I know I'm over the top with doing things a set way but even for a neurotypical person it sounds ridiculous to think people should just work in such a cavalier way.
Hey dude. If it makes you feel any better, I've had breakdowns over similar things, as well as much more minor things! At work the other week, I had a real "Autistic moment" when someone had changed one of my computer monitors. I was NOT HAPPY. I got in touch with IT and demanded my old one be brought back. I must've looked like such a weirdo to lose my *** over something so minor!
Also, this girl obviously doesn't understand that Autistic people cope with things differently and that all Autistic people are different. It's called a spectrum for a reason! We're all unique with how we function. Functioning in this stupid world is hard and we're not wired to match what's considered the 'norm' so yeah no wonder we're stressed!
So don't feel bad about reacting the way you did. I do it and I'm sure everyone on this forum has their own similar story!
I didn't so much mean that specific example, more the just generally getting overwhelmed by innocuous things and sometimes taking a few days to fully recover, the password thing was stressful but I don't expect them to change their policy on that as it was still stupid to be unable to cope in work for 2 days over something so small.
If I understood correctly what they were telling me during my assessment and follow up, Aspergers isn't a fixed set of traits and challenges, individuals can experience problems with all sorts of different issues, it just happens that all are banded under the single title. So in your example your friends boyfriend may not encounter the same issues as you but that does not mean your issues are not related to your aspergers.
In regard to your specific example regarding passwords, that is an area you are very unlikely to get any reasonable adjustments as the password policy will be organisation wide and will have been the result of many meetings and hours of decision making.
As such it is likely something that you will need to come up with coping mechanisms for, however coping mechanisms is something your employers can make reasonable adjustments to help you with.
As with different people encountering different problems different coping mechanisms will work for different people. For example my manager, based on my assessment report, allows me to 'step away from the situation' when I need to in situations such as your password example. I can go outside, get some air, go through my own coping techniques to calm down and then go back in more in control of myself. I still have to make up the time if I am away for an extended period of time and make her aware if me disappearing for a few minutes is going to have an impact on others workwise, but it makes dealing with meltdowns much easier.
What support your work can offer will depend on the company itself, your manager and perhaps which country you are in, if you are in the uk you may well find that if you present them with your diagnosis report they will do more than you might expect to make changes, especially if they are a larger company who have very extensive policies on such things and are keen to be seen to support us.
In general you face the challenge of deciding with each issue you face whether it is practical (or even possible) for your employers to make adjustments that would improve the situation for you. this immediately will give you a list of issues you will need to find coping mechanisms for yourself, and a list that your employer or a combination of you and your employer can look to make changes to reduce the issue moving forwards
sorry for the essay response. All just my opinion, not a qualified anything.