Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
Got diagnosed with Aspergers in April this year, and while it has been helpful to a degree honestly it's almost raised more questions than it's answered as looking into it I've just found a huge list of possible effects it could have to the point that even explaining it to people is difficult besides just dumbing it down to "to literal don't read people". One of the major issues I'm finding currently is in work, I work full time in an annoyingly open-plan office, and most of the time I can cope and just focus on work, but sometimes minor things just seem to either massively stress me out or cause a complete breakdown (honestly not even sure what I'd call it), yesterday for example I had to change 2 passwords, ended up putting the wrong 1 in to often and thus started 3 hours of trying to sort it out as our companies system for it is ridiculously convoluted, and by the end of it was I so stressed out and tense I couldn't calm down and ended up having to go and work from home, which tends to sort me out fairly quickly.
So to the question, is this actually anything to do with Aspergers or is it just entirely separate not coping with stresses well? and if it is related is the best way to sort it actually any different to other people? The person who did the assessment made a point of some things are other people just need to learn how to deal with people with Aspergers, but there is some stuff you need to work on, however I've been finding it very hard to even confirm what is definitely part of it and what could just be 1 of the other things that can come with it. It's made worse as well as I live with a friend who's advice is always "you just need to grow up and deal with stress like everybody else does it's nothing to do with Aspergers", which is mainly her view as her boyfriend has Aspergers as well and doesn't have this as an issue, so at this point I'm just not sure if she's right and is just being harsh about it, or if she's just wrongly working on a basis of "every single aspie is exactly the same so as my boyfriend isn't like that you shouldn't be either as he's my template for aspies"
Thanks in advance and feel free to say she is right and I just need to deal with it, as honestly even know for sure that's it would help, I just really don't know right now as afterwards I always know it's a stupid thing (I mean having a breakdown from locking yourself out of a computer at work is stupid), but it still ends up happening every few months and if I try to go into work the next day I end up feeling crap again, today I tried to go into work and ended up having to come and work from home again as I couldn't cope, but tomorrow I know I'll almost certainly be fine.
i hope so ! ----- i have suggested to my HR for our managers to have autism training as a joke and they said yea good idea ! ( because it so prevalent now )
also now i wait 4 seconds when triggered, scan my body for tenseness, then attempt to challenge my thoughts. I have a 50/50 sucess rate at this which should improve. look up "body scan meditation 5 mins" in youtube.
sorry to say u have had 2 disciplinaries that is a bit harsh.
yea the noise are hard to get used to in fact i cant. My main defense is noise blocker protear ear defenders ( with built in radio ) and if that doesnt work i use them with an mp3 player and pair of ear buds inside them.
the protears are used by chainsaw people etc thay are good about 50 quid. BTW because I was wearing the Protear earphones my employer bought me a pair of Beyerdynamics Pro dt750 ( 32 ohm ) studio headphones ( 100 quid )which while not as good as the protear are way more comfortable - these work same way as the protear in that they seal your ears.
That must be very difficult after a tough day at work. Sitting in your car sounds like a good strategy when you're struggling. I can't believe there are companies out there who are trying to get rid of working from home... it's actually proven to help with productivity!
That sounds like a really good idea - at least you're working towards something that'll open up more opportunities for you. Best of luck with it
Pretty much... It was more a question of "I'm having all these issues... why is that?"
It turns out... ASD - BUT, the diagnosis isn't the end of the story, it just helps inform the following sessions.
The therapist helped me understand WHY things 'set me off' and ways to manage them, being closer attuned to myself and knowing that it's OK to say "I can't do this right now" and take a break.
Also, recently I learned 'defusing' techniques - being able to recognise I'm having a reaction to a situation but being able to distance myself from it so I can stop it from driving me into negative behaviours.
To take the below example an extend it - I can't necessarily create a wheelchair ramp where there isn't one, but I CAN control the way I react to the lack of a ramp and be more constructive in how I respond to the situation.
Key is finding a good therapist.
Honestly I feel something that would help would be an easier way of know what IS because of the Aspergers, my main hope from the diagnosis was knowing what I just need to learn to deal with and what I can improve, but the lines can be so blurred it ends up awkward, also feels like theres lots of different ways people look at it. The person who did my diagnosis, for example, was very much on a line of "the world needs to adapt not you" at least some of it as they view it as saying to a person in a wheelchair they won't build a ramp as nobody else needs it so why should they do it just for them, but even then not everything, think it was more stuff like when people think I'm stubborn because they don't explain clearly enough.
Bleh, I could do with somebody who understands Aspergers to see who could help with understanding it, had a therapist for a bit but while she tried to help she didn't know what was related to it and mainly asked "and how did it make you feel" which isn't a good question for me as I honestly never really know what to say besides "crap, don't know why just crap".
Honestly feel I make it worse for myself at times as I'm actively trying to not use it as an excuse, but at the same time it then makes me question whenever I stress over stupid things if I'm just letting it get the better of me as I have the excuse now and it allows me to work from home which is somebody most people would prefer. Basically I just don't trust myself, which then isn't helped by somebody saying it's not related when I get home which is meant to be where I can feel safe.
I've started taking time away from my desk when I feel it come until I feel calmer, the problem is though that when in work I'm always aware I have a set time limit I have to calm down, which in itself isn't conducive to calming down, so I just end up not being ok enough to not just feel worse when I go back.
I'll try the challenging thoughts thing next time it happens and hopefully at that will prevent or help me recover from at least some. Only ones I'm not 100% sure on are the general noise, the amount of keyboard smashing, loud throat clearing and general loud chatter is horrible some days, it's not always unbearable so I feel it might be more something I notice when things are going badly anyway. Except whispering... the sound of whispering just goes through me like nails on a chalkboard, the second somebody starts I end up humming loudly to drown them out.
i need to be more organised :)
I just use eWallet app - and problem solved, no more forgotten passwords :) I have a folder for work passwords and the main one for card numbers, web sites etc. The app is cross platforms ie PC, ios and Android, its a life saver for me:)
Temple Grandin states in her book "the autistic brain" that you cant use Autism as an excuse to not face things you cant do. She is a pretty tough person and I personally like her survivor attitude. I always keep that in mind and try to fix myself. But having said that it does make life easier if you have management make simple changes to suit the sensitivities of your spectrum traits.
for you I do advise a stop sit back, pull back from the situation, "remove your blinkers", wait 10 seconds ( or take 4 deep breathe approach) and watch your emotions/thoughts { <<<< I found this is the hard bit and still do}
ask yourself
1. why am i so upset about getting my password wrong ?
2. in 5 years will I even remember forgetting my password, will I care ?
3. whats the worst that can happen here ? the staff are all away and I cant proceed with work but so what! just tell your manager u're locked out and sit back. challenge each thought is it realistic.
BTW i picked this skill up from the "StressControl" f ree classes held in UK ( Dr white, glasgow ). (There is no space between Stress and Control, ifuare search in your area for this class ( 6 weeks of solid tested knowledge, tested in glasgow )
I am very like u i get wound up by stupid small things. it is autism related but see if u can control your responses/thoughts ---- this is very difficult I am gradually getting better at it. If i feel I am losing it i go to the loo and take a mini break and challenge my thoughts ( pen and postit pad )
hope this helps
So I'm guessing that you're been diagnosed and then you decided to have some therapy sessions? Do you think that they have helped?
I have the joy of returning to work next week after being signed off with stress anxiety (partly caused by bullying at work). But now i have two positive diagnosis for Aspergers. My union got involved before i went off sick and that caused the Management to U turn. Our company is supposed to be having a big drive in mental well being. Luckily for me, i have to see HR on my first day back (I just hope that I don't lose it!!)
So, I'm at the 'end of the beginning' of my ASD journey (I think) after 10 months of seeing a Clinical Psychologist.
The main thing I've learned in that time?
It's a long journey (14 sessions over 9 months in my case) but just hang in there...
Having the diagnosis does help as at least I feel like there's a reason to it instead of just throwing hissy fits for no reason, it just then becomes harder again when my friend tries to say "nope nothing to do with it you are just throwing hissy fits" as then I end up worse than I was as I then end feeling like I'm trying to convince myself it's to do with diagnosis and that I'm subconsciously letting things get to me more as I have an excuse.
Annoyingly that's another thing I end up doing a lot (no idea if its connect to Aspergers or just a general me trait), always question my own reactions to things, even though I've got a diagnosis I still can't help but question sometimes if I do have it as it just seems to convenient an answer to a lot of the crap in my life.
Don't work with friend live with so when I get back I end up getting questioned over why I'm home this time, I go sit in my car at lunch so normally if I start feeling crappy near to lunch I can hold out and feel better by the time I'm back. I've tried asking for work from home in general or at least a few times a week but they recently announced they want to entirely do away with it... although that was our CEO who more recently quit so he could work from home... (GRRR)
Currently training myself in C++ in spare time and finding I actually really enjoy it, so hopefully I can get to a point of being able to get a job involving it before long and that'll be more open to working from home.
Unfortunately, some people are very hard to convince, but there are people out there who'll respect you for who you are.
Does your friend work with you? I think it's completely fair that you work from home when you're struggling. If it means you're happier, healthier and more productive, it can only be a positive thing.
Ah, it's annoying that the meeting rooms are all glass. Another suggestion then... see if you can find somewhere to go at lunchtime that meets your sensory needs (e.g. a quiet cafe, the library, a park etc). If you're unable to go somewhere quiet at varying points throughout the day, perhaps a quiet lunch break would help you recharge (I've tried this a few times and found it helpful). In terms of working from home ruining progression, perhaps it'd be worth taking a look at other companies/industries. A lot of businesses really embrace working from home and prefer their colleagues to communicate digitally (our company has actually got rid of lots of offices because home working saves a lot of cost). It might be worth looking around to see what's available.
Whether it's Aspergers or not, this is clearly something that's impacting you, so don't worry if it's related, accept that you have an opportunity to work on something that'll improve your quality of life and just crack on with it. It'll make you happier.
Personally I think many people with Aspergers are unbelievably good at coping with stress, because they get far too much practice.
You do have to deal with it, and learn how to deal with it, but my experience is that you'll still get it. I do believe it is linked to Aspergers, and indeed bureaucracy and forms and things not working as they should is a significant cause of stress to me too. It can take me three hours and tears to fill in a 12 line expenses form.
Hopefully the diagnosis will help you. You'll at least now have a reason for otherwise irrational stress, and all by itself that helps take a lot of the edge off it. Just knowing that you're at risk of severe stress in response to various things (such as dealing with a terrible computer system) can help you plan those activities, or enlist help from others, or adopt whichever coping mechanisms work best for you.
There are no quick or easy fixes, so treat it as a multi-year self-improvement thing. You'll hopefully rapidly see a lot of benefit, but don't get discouraged if things continue to prove difficult from time to time.
Just need to find a way to convince her of that :( work are actually trying to help by letting me work from home whenever I feel bad, but now when I do I get my friend questioning why I've had to work from home this time and that I need to just deal with stuff going wrong like a normal person so work don't get annoyed at me, which if anything just makes it worse as the option of going home helps me feel not as trapped, but then having that to go home to makes me not want to use
There are meeting rooms but they all have glass doors and walls and you need to book them out to have them for any length of time making them not that suitable for relaxing, and I don't have a laptop to work from at work so I need to stop working to get away from my desk. That's part of why I asked for the working from home thing and wanted it more regularly but sadly while working from home would reduce the chance of meltdowns entirely it also ruins your hopes of progressing if you are never in as companies tend to not care about the work you do I've found and only how visible you are.
Hi - welcome to the group. I get really overwhelmed at work too; the smallest things can send me into meltdown (this usually happens when I get home, but I can spend an entire day being unable to concentrate on the simplest tasks). Sensory issues are a big problem for me (e.g. the air con being too hot/too loud), but I also find that little annoyances really get to me more than most other people in the office. I struggle to regulate my emotions and I think that's part of it (e.g. if I'm happy, I'm thrilled; if I'm angry, I'm fuming).
When you get overwhelmed at work, is there a quiet place you can go to for some space? I tend to go to the meeting room with my laptop and phone, so people think I'm on an important call. I'm actually just sitting there with the lights off and my noise-cancelling headphones on!
Your friend sounds like she's measuring all autistic people against her boyfriend, which is very unfair. It's a broad spectrum and we're all different.