New diagnosis- starting to get a bit wound up

People around me think the same..... but i have 37 years to try and untangle and create sense out of! Until I work out the answers I can't rest (the same applies to every aspect of my life).

I find it amusing that up until recently people tried to get me to talk about how I am feeling, which I find super tricky because I can't generalise emotions very well in order to communicate verbally about them. Now I think they want me to talk less? It's difficult because I really need others opinions about things because I am confused as to which of my perceptions/responses are generic human perceptions/responses and which are influenced by my autism.

For example I recently learnt that when people develop trust in each other they generalise their trust in people to every aspect of their being and interacting. I don't do this... I trust people based on repeated experience that allows me to relatively successfully predict how someone is going to react or behave in a very specific context. The trust that I have for that person in a given context doesn't imply I trust them with other things that I have no experience of them doing. I find people get offended by this, but it just seems logical to me that this is what you should do.

I also don't get why other people don't find difference in perception intensely fascinating and prefer to talk about things that I find completely pointless?

I am lucky to have a small number of people in my life that have the patience to explore our perceptions together. I find it is best to explore one aspect in a shorter conversation with a few different people at different times so people don't find it as difficult. 

That's very much what I've gone through in the last few years. For me there have been some intense negative/painful emotions at times, but mostly I did feel good about gaining a better understanding of my interactions with people & who I am. But at the same time it was painful to realise how little I had understood before. Now even how little I still have! 

Of course, it seems unreal at times, because I haven't talked about it a lot. People close to me felt I was relentlessly talking about it and nothing else so I realised I had to just stop. I was really grappling with how to assimilate the info in the first year. I'm 43, btw.

Hi Beefree,

thank you. I agree with much there and also have issues with family. I've recently posted about family and then realized that possibly, because NAS forum is for all, then you might inadvertently meet a family member here :/ 

lovely positive read

Hi

I am in my late thirties. I think I have known that I am autistic for about 5 years and have recently discussed this with my partner and a colleague at work that knows a lot about female presentations of autism, both said that they had been thinking this for some time too. It was a relief that others identified the traits in me too (in fact more traits than I originally was thinking!?). I have an appointment booked for a formal assessment as I want an objective opinion too.

I found that being more open about my autism with my partner has had both positive outcomes as well as some challenges. It is great that we can be open about our different perceptions of the world and can even laugh and joke about this which is reassuring to me as I know that he accepts my perception for what it is. The challenge is that being more open has made me much more aware of where I have been going wrong (with social interactions) and where I still go wrong which before I was a little bit oblivious to.

Like you I have spent many hours re-evaluating my past in particular the relationships that I had with my family and wondering if these may have been different if we had known that I was autistic. I have a degree of difficulty with tactile defensiveness and do not like to be hugged unless it is on my terms. I have difficulty reciprocating facial expressions (I have got better through practice in a mirror). I either think or feel but can not do both at the same time. I tend to think in the moment and feel later which impacts on my ability to communicate empathy with others. These difficulties I feel have definitely impacted on my ability to form relationships with others. The thing that I struggle with the most is that I think that my mother would have felt pretty rejected by my behaviours and if I had one wish it would be that she could have understood that I loved her, just had difficulty showing it in the 'normal' ways. Family attachments and relationships seem not to be discussed as much as other topics, I am not sure why. I think they are so important as the basis for understanding our human connections and our health, I would welcome others opinions....perhaps I should set up another topic on this forum?

Finally I would just like to say that for all the tricky stuff that being autistic brings I think it is also important to spend some time thinking about the amazing gifts it brings too. For me my autism allows me to be in an almost constant state of awe as just about every day I discover new and fascinating details and patterns that most others just don't seem to see. I can loose myself for hours looking at a single leaf or looking for patterns in data in total contentment....that is something special that I am really grateful for.

Thank you for your post and all the comments...I have found these really useful too.

lucky find

Yup, that's the group I'm looking to join.

actually no, the closest was a social anxiety group in meetup.com.   i was told about a boardgame group 70% aspie at my local university --- Dragon Slayer  but  it wasnt my thing.    I found some ASD support groups in facebook. Look uo local autism charities. Also browse and poke around the NAS website itself. 

 https://www.autism.org.uk

from facebook i just found this

Thanks CaliforniaDreamer. I have LOADS of questions LOL

Jason and Aidie, 

I'm in West Mids and looking to join a post-diagnosis social group here. Do you not have something like that near you?

Hello and welcome, Breadpud! I have also recently come onto the forum, having been diagnosed with Level 2 ASD. Please do feel free to ask any questions and read my profile. I'm sure that everyone on here will give their best advice.

yep its a big missing hole in mental health provision

It’s been a year since I got diagnosed and I’m still coming to terms with it. 

Whats hard is you hope things will change but they don’t, you still experience the same difficulties/issues, there is some sort of peace knowing why you experience these though. 

One of the hardest things I’m finding at the moment is the lack of support for adults. 

Yes. I'm feeling a lot of useless disappointment and anger John. Lets hope we can use what we have now to make things better 

Thank you. I will save that and read it.

Thank you everyone. Most useful. I feel better already and not so vulnerable. It's so hard to put a finger on it at the moment. Like being diagnosed you are actually an alien. 

Thats exactly how i feel, how my life could have been different? Multiple jobs, travelling abroad, more friends (girlfriends too). A bit bl**dy late now :( :(

I was diagnosed at 61. What you are going through is completely normal.

At first elation at discovering there is a reason for your life difficulties. Then grief for a life that in retrospect could have been so different. Also a period of wondering if you really are autistic or just a bit useless as previously thought - and told. Occasionally all these conflicting feelings at the same time.

I found the following article helped me turn the corner towards acceptance. Still on the journey, but not feeling so conflicted.

https://semioticspectrumite.wordpress.com/2018/01/23/blog-post-title/

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you (as they say). 

I'm 54 and just recently had my ASC confirmed after a formal (although Private) assessment including the ADOS assessment. Not sure what to think really.. still feel a bit of a fraud in that is my ASC really a big deal. My wife doesn't believe the diagnosis (even though I saw a Psychiatrist and two Psychologists) and as I am off work at the moment, no-one there knows it's official.

You are like me, constantly thinking about my past even though it's pointless and tiring, constantly trying to map out the day ahead of me trying to rehearse any situations I may have where I need to speak to people etc. No wonder I end up in a dark room at  the end of the day listening to music (or some AMSR)

i second that :)