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New diagnosis- starting to get a bit wound up

Breadpud

Hi all,

I'm four weeks into being diagnosed. I'm 50+. Just wondered if you went through a negative patch soon after getting a diagnosis. I'm in a strange place at the moment (stranger even than normal everyday life of course) I've started unconsciously reevaluating all my past, post-diagnosis (tiring) I guess this is a normal reaction? 

Parents

  • Hi

    I am in my late thirties. I think I have known that I am autistic for about 5 years and have recently discussed this with my partner and a colleague at work that knows a lot about female presentations of autism, both said that they had been thinking this for some time too. It was a relief that others identified the traits in me too (in fact more traits than I originally was thinking!?). I have an appointment booked for a formal assessment as I want an objective opinion too.

    I found that being more open about my autism with my partner has had both positive outcomes as well as some challenges. It is great that we can be open about our different perceptions of the world and can even laugh and joke about this which is reassuring to me as I know that he accepts my perception for what it is. The challenge is that being more open has made me much more aware of where I have been going wrong (with social interactions) and where I still go wrong which before I was a little bit oblivious to.

    Like you I have spent many hours re-evaluating my past in particular the relationships that I had with my family and wondering if these may have been different if we had known that I was autistic. I have a degree of difficulty with tactile defensiveness and do not like to be hugged unless it is on my terms. I have difficulty reciprocating facial expressions (I have got better through practice in a mirror). I either think or feel but can not do both at the same time. I tend to think in the moment and feel later which impacts on my ability to communicate empathy with others. These difficulties I feel have definitely impacted on my ability to form relationships with others. The thing that I struggle with the most is that I think that my mother would have felt pretty rejected by my behaviours and if I had one wish it would be that she could have understood that I loved her, just had difficulty showing it in the 'normal' ways. Family attachments and relationships seem not to be discussed as much as other topics, I am not sure why. I think they are so important as the basis for understanding our human connections and our health, I would welcome others opinions....perhaps I should set up another topic on this forum?

    Finally I would just like to say that for all the tricky stuff that being autistic brings I think it is also important to spend some time thinking about the amazing gifts it brings too. For me my autism allows me to be in an almost constant state of awe as just about every day I discover new and fascinating details and patterns that most others just don't seem to see. I can loose myself for hours looking at a single leaf or looking for patterns in data in total contentment....that is something special that I am really grateful for.

    Thank you for your post and all the comments...I have found these really useful too.

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