Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm feeling it today & need to write this:
I'm now trying hard to live in a way that is kind to me, to avoid repeating a burnout. It was a frightening experience and literally nearly killed me. Living by my new rules provides a healthy level of stress.
But, back in the work environment, the "do what everyone else does" drive is seductive. It whispers in my ear that it will be OK, I'm not really that different, and *everyone* does it - this is normal; go back to what you've been taught by observation since you were a child!. And when something unexpected happens at work, my mind empties of thoughts and there is total vacuum where my mental "to do" list was. The wolf of stress huffing and puffing and blowing down the straw house of executive functioning.
I might have to use the phrase "I need to hide today" and hope people understand, because I can't bare to go through the explanations of autism and how it affects me and how exhausting social interaction is.
I think A LOT of people are confused about the current assessment/diagnosis of ASD or Aspergers/Autism. Not everyone is up to date with the updated versions of both the ICD and DSM. Although to the best of my knowledge, the assessment process was the same prior to the changeover, it’s just that before you would have got a differential diagnosis whereas now you just get ASD.
That's what I thought. I'm so easily thrown by a question sometimes!
There aren't separate assessments. The assessment is for ASD. More and more assessment centres are switching over to the DSM-5 or the ICD-11 and giving a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder rather than a differential diagnosis of Aspergers/Autism. The DSM-5 has already replaced the DSM-4 and by 2022 the ICD-11 will have fully replaced the ICD-10 meaning that the only diagnosis available anywhere will be Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Hi - I hadn't really imagined that there might be separate assessments? I was assessed against DSM-V, and given a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder F84.0, scoring 12 on ADOS. My report says I might want to read about Asperger as it may be pertinent (as if I already hadn't! :-) ).
My assessments consisted of an interview supported by questionnaires (I think this was an ADI-R), and some months later an ADOS where I got my diagnosis.
I'm still waiting to read something that definitively and finally explains any subtypes within ASD & I think I might be waiting a long time!
I refer to myself simply as Autistic (and I feel justified in doing so with an ADOS score of 12) but I had no language delays as a child, and I've read that this has been considered to indicate Asperger's rather than "classic" Autism - but under DSM-V these qualitative differences don't exist. Clear as mud hey?
Hi..
Was your assessment for Autism or Aspergers? sorry to ask..but quite curious!
That sounds like a lot of pain you've had to endure Blackbird - hopefully writing it down has helped a bit.
I used to say "I'm in Garbo Mode"! I had a supposedly "affectionate" nickname ( which I will keep to myself)yet which hurt because it seemed to legitimise further verbal and psychological abuse from the low-life, cheap tabloid -minded inadequates who so delighted in making my life hell.but because i did not want to admit that it got to me it felt most of the time that I was willingly throwing myself to the lions just to demonstrate that nothing they could do could cause me any pain. I did not convince anyone though and my inability to find a way of dealing with them effectively because I could not think of anything to say in retaliation ( I get tongue-tied and find it difficult to breathe when under extreme stress) was regarded as cowardice because of this and the loss of respect I experienced from all of my other colleagues was deeply unpleasant. It is nothing to be proud of but when attacked physically I am more than capable of defending myself-that is an obvious existential "situation" but I was always utterly and pathetically defenceless against the dirty tricks, exclusive coded language and oafish behaviour I had to endure..
Have gone completely off-topic here but I am not the happiest of bunnies today on account of a glut of harrowing flashbacks I am forced to re-live, I find myself getting heated up internally when I remember all of the cheap laughs I gave those scumnbags for so long-and the very act of expressing it reveals to me the full and continuing victory over myself that I presented them with and that all just adds to it.
I often go on about "crashing headlong into brick walls", I feel slightly embedded in this latest one.
There is also a lot of self-pity and that fills me with even more loathing.
enough
.
At least I finally can have an avatar XD
Yeah I just did the obvious thing and googled it. I promise I have never seen that before in my life it just sounded like a nice name!
amazon.co.uk
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sally-Seahorse-Animal-Stories-Book-ebook/dp/B01GQKA4VW/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=sally+the+seahorse&qid=1568761656&s=gateway&sr=8-1
Wait what??? Where did you get that?!?
Hehe! I love how the internet lets you play with identity. Though if it helps, I'm more honest here than I can be anywhere else, despite what name I might use. :)
omg i just did ! what is wrong with you !
Please read my bio! XD
how dare you! apparently you're not a real seahorse! next you'll be saying you are not called Sally either!
aidie said:where does one get Social Skills Training ---- do not say in the pub lol
Basically, yes! Practise! Go out among people, learn and copy. Sit in a coffee shop and hide behind a book if need be, watch how people interact with one another. Take on a public-facing role, could you spare an afternoon a week to volunteer in a charity shop or something? My life is full-time exposure therapy, started when I'd convinced myself what I was fighting was just social anxiety (which led to a complete identity meltdown, and like I'm done with Christmas Cards ended up landing me here, a lot more aware what I'm actually dealing with). I know now that I need to get out of it, some days can be too tough, but I have learnt so much from throwing myself in at the deep end, scary as it was to begin with.
Oh.....yes I do enjoy it :-).
I was replying to your reply to me
In fact someone earlier said that their ideal party would be one where everyone was ignoring them, so that they didn’t have to talk with anyone.
I've told people several times that there should be no stigma in drinking alone. Someone drinking alone is just an introvert having a party by themselves and loving it :-).
I can't tell what you're replying to :-)