Reminding myself that this isn't / wasn't trivial

Definitely. Thank you - I will do.

thanks Kitsun 

If that's what you enjoy doing then keep right on doing it. Everyone is different and we all prefer different things.

I used 'improve your social skills' by Daniel Wendler, he has a website too, he's also Aspie!

Kitsune said:

In fact someone earlier said that their ideal party would be one where everyone was ignoring them, so that they didn’t have to talk with anyone.

I've told people several times that there should be no stigma in drinking alone. Someone drinking alone is just an introvert having a party by themselves and loving it :-).

I stumbled into "proper" social skills training at work almost by accident. One of the usual "development programmes" came around and everyone was sent on it - I made friends there, including with the head of HR. Then I got invited on coaching training, which I jumped on to as I'd read a lot about the theory of coaching, and that led to a fairly experimental course on Neuro-Linguistig Programming. I found it easy enough to do all of this "people stuff" because we were all willing participants and in my mind I was doing science :-). Unfortunately for me that lead me to think I was invincible and could lead teams and change the company - I found out the hard way that I couldn't (or I could to an extent, but only at the expense of autistic burnout!).

Hi 

 I'm done with Christmas Cards  and Kitsun . I identify with 95% of this  ---where does one get Social Skills Training   ---- do not say in the pub lol

aidie

I can be a bit like that too, arguing with myself that maybe the assessor made a mistake and I’m not really autistic. But then I keep noticing myself doing autistic things such as taking things literally (a lot), missing social cues where someone possibly wanted me to ask them about something (I really need to re read my social skills book, or doing reciprocal conversation textbook style (courtesy of said book) but being completely unaware that the questions that I’m asking, while in context, are a bit inappropriate and make the other person feel uncomfortable, until they tell me so! I am officially as mind blind as a lump of rock!

It’s interesting as I’ve noticed that on here and on Facebook a lot of autistic people say that they are happier/less stressed by not socialising. In fact someone earlier said that their ideal party would be one where everyone was ignoring them, so that they didn’t have to talk with anyone. It’s not me though, I’m a social butterfly stuck with an autistic brain! Hence why I do the social skills training, to learn the social skills so I can make more friends. I’ve always wanted to have friends, lots of friends! I can adapt this, in view of the autism diagnosis. For example, being friends with other autistic people or ‘autism friendly’ people is a lot easier for me. But I can’t change who I am. 

Re memory and planning I find that writing lists is a life saver and writing more complex tasks down in smaller steps helps to. Plus the reminders app on my iPhone. 

That was a total typo! Thanx for pointing it out though!

I have to keep reminding myself that the diagnosis is true. One thing that helps is that the "medicine" is working - i.e. not pushing myself to do "people things" and watching my sensory environment, plus using some props for my memory and planning, is all turning down my stress levels marvelously. Any typical person following my regime would go crazy pretty quickly, but I love it. So it's a bit like when GPs sometimes say - take these antidepressants for a month; if you start to feel better, we're right to say that you're now depressed but on the other hand if nothing happens we need to look for something else!

I going to do that somewhere else, replace diagnosis with sycamore, to see what happens :)

Glad to hear you've picked up now, often getting home to our own space is all we need. Yes, the conundrum of most needing to do things when we find them hardest is a difficult one. Just be as honest as you can afford to, no one can ask more than that.

Thank you - I tend to try and give people the heads-up, but I struggle to do that when I'm feeling my worst. I should let them know though - it might make it easier for them to understand if I'm quieter than usual.

I'm feeling a lot better now, thank you.

I hope you’re ok? Figuring our pre-diagnosis lives out after we have a diagnosis can be ‘interesting’. Trying to figure out how to move forwards with this new information can be even more of a mine field! You need to know your limits and stick to them. 

I rarely tell mine what's going on, just not to ask. Like I said above, it's up to them to be decent humans and respect you. You don't owe anyone an explanation, especially if you're unsure what you should say without having the formal diagnosis yet; though it's nice to give them some sort of heads up when you're having a tough day, so as not to be rude. Hope you've recovered this evening and feel a bit better now.

I think you shouldn't worry about being different to how people knew you before, everyone changes over time, I realise for you this may be quite a radical difference but probably they'll notice less than you think. And if they do, it's on them to respond like decent human beings and respect you as you are anyway. I'm terrible at asking for help too, but like everything else, it just takes practise.

If at least some people know - let them explain to the others. So long as someone knows what's going on, they can deal with the situation when you can't. Did you know it's been found that you get more pleasure from doing something nice for someone else, than someone doing something nice for you? So if you let someone else handle the situation for you, they get to feel good about helping - you're actually doing them a favour! ;P

As for mornings, I hate them any time of the year - sometimes there's nothing to do but buckle in and suck it up. I know that's not the most reassuring statement ever, but it sounds like you've got lots of things in place to make life as easy as possible while balancing everything you're going through. I find winter quite useful for hiding away and figuring things out though, maybe you could factor that into your getting to know yourself? A way to make something postive from it, and have a 'new start' in the spring. Continue to take care of yourself, in as many ways as you can. :)

You've come a very long way and just going to work when you're feeling like that is a huge achievement. I also felt I needed to hide today, but didn't know what to say to my colleagues (they don't know I'm awaiting an autism assessment). I ended up just getting through and feeling like a wreck by the time I got home.

You could always tell your colleagues you're going through a difficult time - they don't need to know the details if you don't want them to.

Take good care of yourself.

I can relate so much to what you have written. Best wishes, but also thank you.

Thank you :-) As you will see from my reply above, evenings are OK (I'm at home not work, and the morning symptoms have gone) - but I'm steeling myself for tomorrow!

Hi Sally, that's a good suggestion. In some ways I'm my own worst enemy because what stops me is that I sometimes feel embarrassed to ask for what I *really* want or need, especially with people who knew me when I was full-on masking and in a completely different "place" before my burnout.

I have sent a group email but not to absolutely everyone - I'll certainly think about what I could do along these lines.

I'm also suffering with the onset of SAD at the moment I think, and despite eating well, taking antidepressants and running 3 times a week and having a "bright light" on my desk, mornings are tough. Lay this across the still ongoing recovery from burnout and trying to be kind to what I now know to be the real me and it gets tricky - I'm learning to trust my gut and cut myself some slack, but it still feels shitty.

Thanks again!