Is my life pointless?

I have extreme OCD, nervous tics in my body and facial expressions and eye contact, I'm shy, I've had depression and anxiety for quite some time, I'm physically weaker than most men and have a lot of food intolerances.

I don't seem to have achieved anything in 32 years. I've tried making friends and studying and failed consistently at both due to all of the aforementioned.

My dad and most my siblings don't like me. I've shown interest in dozens of women over the years and never had a reciprocal interest.

My only close friend who lives near me is my mother. What are people's thoughts? Is a life like this pointless?

  • Your life isn't pointless, the best thing you can do is just try to surround yourself with things that make you the most happy.

    If you can, try and get your dad and siblings to you like you again, but your own happiness should always be your top priority. 

  • You have a horrible neighbor and your father seems very frustrated to see you different, lack of eye contact, etc.

    I'm okay and just surviving.

  • I have one neighbour who I'm scared of, he smokes cannabis and always wears hoodies and tracksuits. Drives a motorbike and when it has broke in the past has loudly shouted in the garden while fixing it. Also he has a dog and the way he talks to the dog bothers me. He reminds me of people who picked on me in school.

    My dad constantly comes into whatever room I'm in to ask some pointless question, or to see where I am. He gets visibly irritated if I don't maintain constant eye contact while he talks to me and expects me to be 100% interested in whatever he's talking about like politics, and if he doesn't get his own way he can get in a foul mood and becomes scary. 

    I haven't seen my GP, will try to soon. 

    How are you doing by the way?

  • I’m sorry that your neighbors have made you feel so uncomfortable that you are having to stay at your parents. What did your neighbors do this time?

    Urgh! Noisy walking/door banging and space invasion would do my head in! Maybe wearing ear plugs might help with the first two? What does he do to invade your space?

    There are many resources for autistic adults in London and many things to see and do. But there would be a risk involved in moving so far away from your family and services that you are familiar with. It’s a shame that there’s not the option to flat swap for a year and then swap back again! Why does the other person want to swap?

    Some estates can be quite noisy! I get the impression that you would be more comfortable in a quiet area?

    Did you go to see your GP in the end?

  • Your life is not pointless. Please talk to someone about your feelings - I've heard The Samaritans provide amazing support when you need someone to listen.

    I also have OCD, depression and anxiety. I'm undergoing CBT at the moment to try and combat the OCD (I think that's the root of the issues). It's early days and it's a little scary, but I feel it's a really positive step and will hopefully make me feel better in the long run. If you haven't got in touch with your local mental health service yet, I'd recommend seeing what support's available in your area.

    It's good that you have a strong relationship with your mum. Perhaps you could open up to her about how you're feeling, if you're comfortable doing so.

    Please don't give up on yourself - you deserve to be happy.

  • I was diagnosed age 15 and that was about 16 years ago. I felt very different from being a young child though. 

  • I'm staying at my parents' house because I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable living next to the neighbours I have at my flat.

    My dad stamps around sometimes when walking, bangs doors and constantly invades my space, and is judgmental towards me for struggling with eye contact and is moody and makes the dinner table tense when we all have to sit down for meals together (my mum expects that).

    I'm weighing up whether to swap my flat for one in central London in a much nicer development. What makes it difficult is a) the person might not want to do it anyway, sometimes people's interest doesn't stay fixed and b) it would be hundreds of miles from where I live currently, where my mum lives and she's 70 so I'm worried about moving so far away. Besides which her and I are best friends and she understands my Autistic ways better than anyone else I know.

    I'm going to look at a local flat too but haven't seen the estate it's on yet. I won't live on a typical council estate, it has to be smarter and more upmarket than the average one, I just don't feel safe in some of the kind of ones that exist.

  • I am very sorry for this mistreatment. How long have you been autistic?

  • Hey! You have us on here on this forum! We care! I’m sorry that you have been bullied your whole life, that’s really rubbish! Please believe me when I say that there is always hope that things will get better! What’s been happening today?

  • I've been bullied all my life. I've had enough. My dad has bullied me all my life. No one cares. My mother's daughter, my sister has bullied me all my life. I have nothing, I have no one. My neighbour is bullying me every day. I have no one I can go to. If I go to my mum's house my dad bullies me. If I stay here in my flat my neighbour bothers me. I am finished.

  • My life is pointless, so I’ve given up looking for reasons. I’m happier just accepting whatever. But my life is genuinely pointless, yet I have to live it. May as well enjoy my pointless existence and make it a life. 

  • Life is never pointless ... so don’t try and think that it is

  • Hopefully you will get a support worker from the care plan being done. Maybe between now and then make a list of things that you feel that you need help with and how a support worker could assist you to achieve them, so you're not caught off guard during the assessment?

    It's probably not sensible to take on a support worker that you have found via an ad placed in a supermarket, you never know what type of person they might be!

    Maybe also see your GP as they might be able to get a plan together to make things seem less complicated and signpost you to other services if necessary?

    What are your hobbies? Could you engage in these to help to take your mind off of things?

  • Thanks for the reply, you have an interesting perspective (And thanks to everyone else for your replies too).

  • I need a support worker. I can't cope with getting to know new people or interacting with people who aren't in my inner circle. The local Asperger's team discharged me even though my mum kept asking for help for me, and I asked too. My mum made a complaint against them and I've been told now that in about 3-4 weeks they'll do a care plan, but who knows what that will consist of in these days of cutbacks and threadbare services.

    I placed an ad a while ago on supermarket notice boards trying to find one and no one replied. 

    Everything is so complicated!

  • No life is pointless, everyone is here for a reason. As long as you try live a decent life i.e. help others out, acts of random kindness. It is only natural to experience depression and anxiety from time to time. I myself have, and still do, experience both. I am currently unemployed, and a lot of the time I also feel depressed and anxious. I have, pretty much, no friends or a social life, nor have I ever had a girlfriend (Or had my first kiss). I keep thinking to myself "Everything will work out...eventually". My Mum is a huge believer in fate, and I am, sometimes, inclined to think like that. "If it's meant to happen, it will". I do hope that this helps!

  • Your life is not pointless! What do you think that you need to change so that your life feels more fulfilling?

  • I wouldn't worry about ticks - just be completely open about at and make a joke of it - once people know and it's out in the open, the easier things will be - no point trying to hide something you can't hide - and also the anxiety will normally make the ticks worse.     I have a load of health problems that mean an evening can end very suddenly as my body gives up - people get used to it - and also remember - those who matter won't care - and those who care don't matter. Smiley

  • Absolutely not. No body’s life is pointless. Everybody was brought into this world for a purpose. At times everyone has got into a routine that maybe they aren’t fond of. If this is you then try and change it. Take up a new hobby, exercise more regularly, put more effort into cooking, go on a dating website (not that you need to limit yourself but there are dating websites out there for everyone... you may find someone who is just like you and appreciates you for who you are), attend local community activities, find new documentaries to watch. Your life is 1000% worth living you just need to tweak things so that you are happy. 

    Don’t give up. Change! 

  • Thanks for the reply. I'll keep trying to make friends. The key thing is as I wrote in the original post I have nervous tics which people can be put off by, perhaps because it makes me appear intense. 

    Maybe I should be looking into seeing a psychotherapist privately. I got some sessions on the NHS, however had to wait many months and the sessions were limited to 16. 

    I might try a meetup.com group here, will think about it.