Published on 12, July, 2020
I have extreme OCD, nervous tics in my body and facial expressions and eye contact, I'm shy, I've had depression and anxiety for quite some time, I'm physically weaker than most men and have a lot of food intolerances.
I don't seem to have achieved anything in 32 years. I've tried making friends and studying and failed consistently at both due to all of the aforementioned.
My dad and most my siblings don't like me. I've shown interest in dozens of women over the years and never had a reciprocal interest.
My only close friend who lives near me is my mother. What are people's thoughts? Is a life like this pointless?
Your life is not pointless - but what kind of life are you trying to lead? Lots of people get conned into following the typical NT life-plan of buy lots of stuff and pretend they are doing well while they service a massive debt - then they die.
What would you really like to do?
I agree that there are many people lacking sense who are living on debt and putting on an act like they are doing so well.
I'm afraid that people are judging me for being less able than them. I feel in social groups I've been to that others have treated me less well than they treat other people in the group because of how I am.
I want to feel confident but don't much.
Confidence, as a thing, does not exist. Everyone is the same - no-one knows what's going to happen in life so everything is a risk. Playing the game teaches you to accept the risk and still go forwards. Look at driving - people with a few hours training driving 1500kg lumps of steel around at 70mph in a chaotic pattern with millions of others mostly not paying attention - now THAT'S confidence!
Life is about working out what your really want & need rather than what NT society tells you you want. Drowning in debt to afford another shiny car is actually crazy - but they all do it.
Most marriages fail and are immensely costly to escape from - especially if kids are involved.
Friends cost nothing and are good for you - so if I were you, I'd look at Meetup.com and just go along to a few of the local events. You can just sit in the background until you work out the dynamic - there's no pressure to perform. If you find a friendly bunch, they'll accept you into the group as long as you're nice, non threatening and not too intense. Just let it wash over you until you gain that magic 'confidence'.
I wouldn't worry about ticks - just be completely open about at and make a joke of it - once people know and it's out in the open, the easier things will be - no point trying to hide something you can't hide - and also the anxiety will normally make the ticks worse. I have a load of health problems that mean an evening can end very suddenly as my body gives up - people get used to it - and also remember - those who matter won't care - and those who care don't matter.
Thanks for the reply. I'll keep trying to make friends. The key thing is as I wrote in the original post I have nervous tics which people can be put off by, perhaps because it makes me appear intense.
Maybe I should be looking into seeing a psychotherapist privately. I got some sessions on the NHS, however had to wait many months and the sessions were limited to 16.
I might try a meetup.com group here, will think about it.