Published on 12, July, 2020
So I am finding people very frustrating. When you talk about your day to day struggles (because they ask) and people respond with “oh I’m like that too!” Or “isn’t everyone like that? Oh I must have autism too” and I’m just like what is going on with the world??? Anyone else had these issues with people????
I’m sure they do ‘mean’ well but sometimes I just want people to ‘get’ it not to try to rationalise it. I’ve even had it with professionals that I know personally, that work with autistic people, I’ve had to spend such a long time explaining how something ‘really’ affects me because their first reaction is always to try to rationalise it according to the non-autistic perspective!
That seems awful! I’m so sorry that you’ve had to suffer that!
Reminds me of a joke I made up (AFAIK): "Why are narcissists rubbish at singing musical scales?" / "They get stuck on 'me-me-me-me-me'"
Great comment. It does make me wonder whether or not neurotypicals are unintentionally being dismissive (I know they struggle to read aspie body language, and we struggle to make them understand) or if this is genuinely reassuring for them to hear other members of the group are suffering too.
no - they're actually thinking "me me me me me me me me me me me me (can't be bothered being concerned about you) me me me me me me me me me me me me me"
It's almost like they're saying "La la la I'm not listening you're just like me you can't be different - does - not - compute..." :-)
I've told only a handful of people, perhaps 5 at most, and I got the "well everyone is a little bit autistic" response and the "well you seem to cope fine, what's the problem?" response
I'm pretty sure it's usually meant well, as a way of expressing solidarity / support, but it does *so* minimise what's going on:
Me: "I struggle to remember things that my brain doesn't naturally attach importance to": Other: "Yeah I know! It comes to us all as we get older!"
Me: "I can't bear to touch fine emery paper": Other "Yeah feels rough doesn't it " (Or, "Don't be silly!" - mother and ex-wife, separately and often)
"I can't hear what you're saying with all this noise in the background" -> "Yeah my hearing's getting like that a bit - age again!"
"I'm 95% sure I'm autistic" -> "I think we're all a bit, in one way or another"
"I've been diagnosed as autistic" -> "You're still the same person though & you've achieved so much! / You're coping really well / (It can't be that severe then)" (Yeah it nearly killed me)
"I find interacting with people face to face exhausting. I've always wondered why I can't do superhuman hours at work like others do" -> "Yeah those meetings do drag a bit don't they?"
"Now I've realised what's going on and given myself permission to be kind to myself, I've reached a level of stress that feels low to me but I now realise is the normal healthy level. Things like not travelling for meetings" -> "That's good, and who knows, you might be able to travel again one day! (get back to the normal person we knew, when you've recovered from your autism)"
"I'm feeling much happier nowadays mum, now I know what's going on; I understand why I hate travelling and interacting with people, and love my daily routine." -> "That's really good, we were *so* worried about you! Maybe you will come [hundreds of miles] and see us soon?"
"Could you please wash up as soon as you've finished cooking that [disgustingly smelly teenager food]?" -> "You don't have to be full-on Aspie all the time just because you've been diagnosed!"
I'm sure there are more. I'm thinking of writing a phrase book "Don't take it to heart, they mean well!" :-).
It is even more annoying when your own mother does all three, because they are a narcissist. By that I mean someone that downplays the abuse I suffered as a child and my condition, in order to accentuate and magnify their own abuse and condition to obtain sympathy.
My experience of suffering from neurological disorders per se (abi + autism) is that most people do one of 3 things in response to my displaying or description of my symptoms.
I still haven’t managed to work out which one is more annoying
Yes! Or even worse: "You're not that autistic though." I might look like I'm coping, but they don't see the effort it takes to mask or the meltdowns I have when I'm at home!
I get the opposite at work - until I have a formal diagnosis then I do not have this lifelong undiagnosed condition.
Everyone happens to have the gene yet only few encounter the side effects of specific triggers and resultant behaviours. We do not actually need a diagnosis but for the NT’s or when we are triggered out and in stress/anxiety/meltdown central that a full assessment becomes key.
Yes but i then think so am I autistic (undiagnosed due to the area I live in)