Published on 12, July, 2020
Maybe I'm odd but now I've got the diagnosis I'm not ecstatic or anything. It's just a 'Well I was right all along" feeling . I'm still the same person ,warts and all,than I was before.
It's not as though there has been a sea change or anything. I think this may be due to the awareness that there's little out there for adults , and I can't see how this is going to affect me going forwards.
DarthJoeyJoJo said:I do feel regret that I didn't get diagnosed earlier and I genuinely feel I could have made so much more of myself
I wonder that too. I think if I'd been given the dx in 1994 when I was 37 it would have made some difference I think. It would probably have meant a better relationship with the mental health professionals as they would have had a better idea of what makes me tick.
Perhaps it's the wrong way to look at it, but I'm trying to see what difference it will make in concrete terms , as opposed to knowing why I am as I am.
Fantastic reply.
One of the reason I sought a diagnosis was that there was this big unanswered question I had about myself. In fact for years, i wasn't even sure what the question was. It was like everyone around me "gets it" and I don't.
A couple of years before thinking I was on the spectrum, I thought it was some sort of of auditory processing disorder. Just coming to that realisation was such a relief but then it came to nothing. I only got that feeling again when i started to realise that I had so much in common with other people with autism. So recieving the actual diagnosis was like you said a "well I was right" kinda feeling.
The benefit of diagnosis really comes when you start reflecting on past situations and you're able to say "Right, I can understand it now." Late-diagnosis really is all about knowing yourself better and being able to understand who you are. I do feel regret that I didn't get diagnosed earlier and I genuinely feel I could have made so much more of myself. But I am happy with who I am especially now that I know I am autistic.
Yes, it's an anticlimax. It's a stage in your journey. There was a buildup and now you are a bit numb, uncertain what next. As others have said, you keep processing it on the background. It will output something for sure. With time you would start using this new insight to reassess not only your past, but how you cope with life, your choices for the future. New phase will surely come where you will start building your new identity, your new 'operating procedures' on how to deal with life, with people.. Give yourself time. It's a life's journey, just watch the view for now :)
So 'things' won't improve 'as a result of the diagnosis'... BUT things CAN improve now that you have more knowledge.
Do you have better understanding of your:
Use the diagnosis to say "Right, I'm neuro-atypical - so I find these things use 'spoons' up, if I can't avoid them then I need to plan to be able to recover. I struggle with these areas of communication so I need to find some strategies to make that easier - even if it's simply asking people to be clearer about what they mean when I'm not sure..."
Hopefully you're getting direct support from your local NHS but if not, keep reaching out here, maybe see if there's a local group you can join.
Hang on in there!
I felt exactly the same way!
It was a great relief but really nothing changes except maybe a tad more undestanding and the beginning of self acceptance....
definitely an anti climax, when the people you tell soon forget all about your diagnosis! Well I know I’m special ;)
I think in my case it's also got to do with the very long waiting....after almost two years of waiting, and originally being anxious, worried, stetted, etc about the assessment, but towards the end, I felt I didn't have enough strength to have these emotions related to the diagnosis...I'm just too tired.
As Original Prankster said, it's quite normal and can take a while to get your head around. I flip between "this is great, now I know I'm not going insane and there's a reason why I am the way I am" and "so life is going to be this hard forever, there's no quick fix". I think it's such a huge positive though learning how your brain functions and getting to know your own behaviours. This can help towards having less bad days (meltdowns, anxiety etc etc) and more good days (being "happy" although I find happy to be a complicated concept). It also helps you to have better relationships with others as you are more able to explain your behaviours.
As I have never worked due to severe mental illness it was not about the work area. It was about fitting parts to the puzzle of why I am as I am . From there hopefully to function as well as possible as a 62 year old with Asperger's and severe mental illness .
I think if I was 25 years younger I 'd see more scope for things improving as a result of the diagnosis .
That seems pretty normal based on my own experience plus frequent threads here.
Why did you seek diagnosis?
Was the diagnosis the goal e.g. to get 'reasonable adjustments' with your employer or, was it about gaining understanding of 'why' you are the way you are so that you can more effectively tackle 'problem areas'?
For me it's been:
How do you want it to affect you?