Anyone here been diagnosed as *not* autistic?

I have looked up the traits of  HSP (highly sensitive person), which I hadn't previously heard of. They include: becoming overwhelmed and anxious when they have a lot to do, finding noisy, bright environments chaotic, getting "hangry", performing poorly under observation, being deeply moved by the arts, retreating when things become overwhelming, and becoming uncomfortable when there are loud noises such as firework displays or rock concerts. Obviously these can be autistic traits too, but there are 2 other HSP traits that for me don't seem to match - first, they recognise other people's discomfort and sense when they are feeling overwhelmed and need lights dimming or music turned down -  I can usually recognise anxiety in others as I will usually "catch" that emotion and start to feel a bit anxious myself, but I won't automatically know what to do to make them feel better. Secondly, they avoid violent media e.g horror movies or graphic video games. I may or may not like this type of movie or gaime, but it's a personal preference thing, rather than something that I'm sensitive about.

Aspergers is characterised not just by sensitivity to certain stimuli, but also all-absorbing, intense interests and empathy and communication issues. Lack of empathy does not mean lack of emotions - it means problems interpreting the feelings of others. There may be a lack of eye contact, or too much eye contact (staring), muteness or non stop talking on a favourite interest without noticing others are bored, and a dislike of small talk.

Aspergers is also about expectation, preparation and control. I can manage change if I know about it in advance as I can prepare for it. Aspies can enjoy loud music or fireworks, if they make the choice to listen to / watch it. This is why we find people difficult to deal with - they often do things that are unexpected and social conversations are unplanned and unstructured (and sometimes boring if they're not about our interests!)

NT assessors will be following a set of guidelines which they use to make a judgement about whether a person is autistic. They may be influenced by their own views about what an autistic person "looks like" and an adult being assessed may have learned strategies to suppress many of their autistic traits to fit in, so for older people and women in particular diagnosis is not easy. And I sincerely believe it's often wrong.

As I said before I am currently reading 'the autistic brain' by temple grandin the book talks mainly about scientists developing a brain scan to identify if someone is autistic I hope this does happen one day to teach all psychologists who are dismissive and only look for a stereotype a lesson.

I was referred by my GP to an NHS psychiatrist in December 2015, at the age of 47, and received a diagnosis of ‘not autistic’. The assessment consisted of an hour’s interview, with my wife and a psychiatric student present, and I was given the AQ10, FQ and EQ tests to take away. Then I had a 30-minute follow up meeting a couple of weeks later.

In her letter, sent afterwards to the referring GP, the psychiatrist noted what she described as ‘mild difficulties’ with social interaction. Whenever I read that, I feel angry and dismissed, because I don’t think it acknowledges the lifelong social difficulty I described at the interview.

I was assessed in the letter as not having any of the difficulties associated with Asperger’s, ‘such as narrow obsessional interests or routines nor any difficulties with imagination’.  My wife mentioned during the interview that I had an extensive comic collection, and I remember being surprised that the assessor didn’t follow that up. I also described struggling to leave the house or turn in for the night without going through rigid checks that everything is locked up and the gas cooker isn’t leaking, which didn’t seem to generate much interest.

I’ve considered it interesting that the psychiatrist asked if her student could sit in on the diagnosis. It’s speculative, but I wonder if she was hoping I’d present as a ‘classic’ example of Asperger’s. If I didn’t, then this might have informed the rest of the evaluation session. The student wasn’t present at the follow-up session.

I scored 5/10 on the AQ test, 49 on the FQ and 23 on the EQ. Two at least are within the range for autism, which I feel was dismissed. At the time I’d only recently had ‘Asperger’s’ suggested to me as an explanation for my lifelong issues (by a mental health professional who’s a friend of my wife), and I wasn’t particularly aware of what this might mean. I’ve since read several websites and a dozen books on the subject, so I have a better understanding of my own thought processes and actions. The various tests I’ve taken online since 2015, including the AQ, FQ and EQ again, all point to my being autistic.

However, I’ve procrastinated over whether to try to get a further diagnosis – I get the impression that diagnosis is a bit of a ‘box-ticking’ assessment, based on stereotypical characteristics. From what I’ve read, and experienced, I think it’s difficult to get diagnosed if you’ve spent decades ‘coping’ and learning to hide your differences. The psychiatrist in 2015 acknowledged in her assessment letter that I’d ‘developed strategies …. to manage social situations, including interaction and empathy’.

I feel now that I’m left unsure of my identity, with little support. If I apply for a job, I have nothing I can declare that might get me help at interview or in the workplace, because I have no diagnosis. The assessment has left me with little confidence that I wouldn’t encounter similar difficulties with assessment again, even if I went private. In part, I’m philosophical enough to think that I know who I am, and I don’t need an evaluation score from a professional to confirm it. However, it concerns me that dismissive evaluations of the kind I think I’ve experienced could do a lot of damage to some people.

Whatever diagnosis you've had NAS51540 if you feel like you have a place here, you have a place here... 

I’m so glad I found this thread, I just received a ‘no’ yesterday and after musing for some time if I would be bothered, I definitely am. Like others have said it feels like the rug has been pulled from under me and that I’m just somehow broken. It was such a comfort when I read about other women with autism and I identified with so much I read. I didn’t even have a proper interview assessment, I got referred by my GP, had a 25 minute interview with someone, got sent a load of questionnaires and then got a letter saying you’re not autistic. How can they tell from that?! I feel so alone again when I felt like I had found a place I fit. It’s really upsetting. 

Pixiefox, qwerty, out_of_step I agree with all three of you :-). I think I'm drawn to look for some kind of validation as said by out_of_step, but I worry about getting a false negative, being able to trust the process, and feeling a fraud (giving myself a false positive). But I am so drawn to feeling at home with other ASD people and find their description of symptoms resonate so much. All of the googling I've done over the last 18 months has revealed nothing that better explains who I am, and I can't conceive of any answer to the question "If I'm not on the spectrum, then what *is* this?"; no other condition fits, and I don't think that personality and introversion (& even laziness on my part!) explains it either.

Ive been in 2 minds about referral and diagnosis. I think for now i want someone to say either "you probably are/you probably arent" just to reinforce what i think (know) for myself. 

Ive taken the step of mentioning to my GP about what to do/should i take it further. She was very understanding and il be making another appointment to see her about it.

I just dont think i need the label as ive managed all these years without one. But some sort of affirmation (if thats tje right word) would probably be ok for me. I think these forums help because at least i know im not on my own. Im just concerned of the whole process as ive read so many horror stories and the wait time is usually very long. Being in limbo would be too much to cope with.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I think that's a very good attitude. Even though I did choose to get a formal diagnosis at the end, I think it's more important to understand yourself than just to have a label. And it's a very positive and proactive appraoch to read about how autistic and neurotypical brains work. I've also recently started to read books like this too! I've also found the books helpful as well.

This is a very interesting thread. I asked a similar question to the community when I had to decide whether to be referred for a formal diagnosis. My GP at the time was a mental health specialist with Knowledge of Autism, who assessed my AQ results and agreed with my self diagnosis, but he warned me I would not get any support if I did get a formal diagnosis. After reading about experiences of the process I decided it sounded too traumatic and that I would probably not be able to trust the assessor, so I declined. I know what I am, and my extensive reading about Autism and about how Autistic and Neurotypical brains work differently has literally changed my life. This forum was also a great help in the early days, as people are so accepting.

Oh sorry! I completely missed that, I thought it was referring to Henoch-Schonlein purpura (hsp) 

HSP in this context means highly sensitive person :-)

I'm not sure it applies to me though

Hi I'm sorry you were let down by diagnosis however I'm I a bit confused about why you would suggest a cross over and similarity to hsp? This is a form of vasculitis causing purpuric rashes and sometimes kidney damage it also affects children. 

I feel exactly the same. I like you have few friends, well one actually lol. But I find maintaining friendships hard as they require lots of effort, and it can be exhausting. I also prefer to be at home than out. And prefer male friends to female ones (men are more straight forward most of the time) It's just so much easier to stay home and not deal with all the issues that going out can bring. Whenever I went out any way I had to be drunk to feel I fit in at all, and to try and not be me of course, but feel I'm too old and too tired to bother with that now. Nothing in life really makes me happy other than my Autistic son and daughter. I never really felt any real happiness, purpose or direction before them, and if I did It was very fleeting. And now I'm older I still have the same issue. I have no direction and no other purpose other than to take care of my family (which is, of course, the most important job) But I really want something more. I like you feel exhausted all the time, not just physically but mentally too. I feel kind of empty inside, like a part of me is missing and I can't find it no matter where I look. I have pretty much all the traits of Autism, especially female autism, but have been denied help because I can give eye contact and hold a conversation. Which both my diagnosed autistic children can also do (my son who's 10 recently just learned to talk, but can hold a very short, few words, convo). Their reason for not diagnosing me is complete rubbish. 

I wish I had the answers to tell you what you and myself should do, but I like you am wandering aimlessly, hoping things will somehow magically fall into place :( 

I can totally relate - I'm seeing a clinical psychologist with a view o a diagnosis - though that's not the 'focus', what I really want is to 'get better'.

I flip between desperately needing to know and it not being an issue...

If I get an ASD diagnosis it'll explain a lot and make it easier for other people to 'cut me some slack', but on the other hand it'll mean I'm 'broken' and some things will always be hard...

If I'm NOT diagnosed with ASD then I guess it means I'm just kind of a shitty person with no 'excuse' for my unacceptable behaviour, BUT it should mean I can get better with effort 'cos there's nothing actually 'wrong' with me?

GAH!

The comment about 'not being autistic enough' to be diagnosed as such by the NT community made me think of this quote I heard once from a mixed-race person relating to how different communities treated them:

"White people's attitude is 'It doesn't matter how pale your skin is, to us you're still black' and black people's attitude is 'It doesn't matter how pale your skin is, to us you're still black'..."

I think it's kind of the same with ASD - to other atypicals you're part of the tribe no matter how 'mild' your symptoms are or how 'high functioning' you are but for NTs, unless you're acting like Rain Man or other media-driven stereotypes you can't be 'on the spectrum'...

Yes it does. Now I'm at my desk and not on my phone I'll type a fuller answer. I've been looking for the last decade for something to fill the hole that "most people" fill by turning away from academic/work/material success/pursuits to "relationships, friendships, family and activities". None of this seems to work for me because I have no friends other than 1 or 2 that I keep in contact with via SMS and an occasional coffee, and I've decided that I'd rather be at home than going "out" anywhere or on holiday (which I can no longer afford anyway now I'm working 4 days a week). Anything that got me excited as a 20/30 something (learning, science, sex, getting a nice house / car) doesn't anymore or isn't available to me. Following my burnout I'm staying away from "championing" anything at work because I can't risk another burnout & I have no energy for it anyway. So at the moment I'm existing and it's not very fulfilling. I have a lovely wife and we enjoy sitting with our dogs in the evening watching TV then I'm usually tired by 9.30 and back to bed to start again. I run, go to the gym, and I'm physically healthy, but I lack joy and purpose.

Sucks doesn't it. :( 

I can relate to the “tired of life” feeling. :-(

Thank you very much, and me too. I'm tired of having to work so hard just to be able to function in my life and in society. I rarely leave the house anymore due to anxieties. I'm tired of life, tired of trying and am now only here for my autistic children (joy and happiness is something I've only really ever felt very briefly). I've basically given up and resigned myself to life of anxiety, loneliness and emptiness:( Some professionals have a lot to answer for and not enough education in the field of adult autism, especially female. Seems if you can fake it you can make it, apparently (in their eyes). 

I hope you eventually find some kind of answer to the big "Why?"

I was told I was not autistic some time ago because I can make eye contact and maintain conversations. Even though I have all the traits and have two children with autism and they have different dads. They too can make eye contact and my daughter with Aspergers is just as able to hold a conversation (she was diagnosed as a child). I was told they didn't know what to do with me as I scored high, but not high enough. My assessment was also carried out by a childrens assessor. I don't feel they had enough experience of autism in adults especially adult remales. I feel so alone.  I have many mental health problems and know this is why, but cannot get the appropriate help I need. I just want to know why I'm like this :(