Serial obsessions

Touché. It’s not easy, but the rewards are priceless and in my experience, life just gets better and better, when I allow it. 

I never said think away the depression. I said stop thinking specific thoughts, that keep the depression alive. There’s a difference. 

What is an addiction, if it is not in some way, a way to avoid reality? Whether you’re thinking depressive thoughts or taking drugs, you’re still out of reality, which ever method you choose. People don’t actively choose to be drug addicts, just like they don’t actively choose any other addiction. But if you look at the quality of it, depression comes under it. 

Science has proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the brain is not a fixed structure. And that it is infact our thoughts, that shape it. It’s called brain plasticity. 

It both sends and receives messages, and it is controlled by thought. If you never had a depressing thought, you could not be depressed, no matter how you get to that conclusion. I got to it because of my history with addiction to drugs and alcohol, amongst other things. And my depressing thoughts came under that. So just as I over came my addiction to drugs and alcohol, I overcame my addiction to depressing thoughts, and I no longer entertain them. 

I used to get bad bouts of depression and 'self medicating' before I knew about the AS, had a really good counsellor yonks ago who taught me to cope much better. It took 2 years, I think the thing that swung it was her telling me that my anxiety about feeling bad was 'trapping' me into focusing on bad feelings rather than just allowing sad or despairing thoughts to flow and ebb away. It sounded stupid to me but I found it did work. Finding out about the AS really helped with self acceptance but it took another few years to really get the hang of it.

It's seriously not easy but it was possible for me to learn to stay more or less level despite AS and co diagnosis of anxiety disorder - but it's still overwhelmingly hard work a lot if the time.

I just don't think depression is as simple as thoughts. I'm no doctor or scientist so I have a limited understanding of how it works. But I think thinking away depression would be about as effective as thinking away a cold. And in that sense I do not think it works the same way as an addiction. It is all very complicated and I may well be wrong.

I don't know enough to explain why people feel depressed if they don't choose to be but I imagine it must be something to do with the way the brain sends messages.

The brain is incredibly complicated. I'm not comparing autism to an illness but I don't think people choose to feel depressed any more than we choose to be autistic. I think people can be genetically predisposed to depression and life events can trigger it.

Yep, love research, learning, and gadgets - then get bored as soon as I master something and move on. It's loads of fun but a pain for developing specialism/career etc. I finished a PhD but move across sectors and disciplines, enjoy problem-solving and research and make a living from it but it's a choppy and stressful process. Wish I could figure out how to sell researching and solving problems to make a living from it without having to deal with 'teams' and getting bored :D

Addiction to drugs and addiction to depressing thoughts, have the same outcomes. It’s the same with all addictions. That’s why the 12 step program doesn’t just work for alcoholics. You can apply the program to any addiction. 

I completely agree, that’s what I was saying, we all get addicted to lots of different things. But it’s still addiction.

Do you think the heroin addict is making a conscious, well thought out choice, when he’s about to inject? 

And if a person isn’t choosing to feel depressed, either consciously or unconsciously, then how are they depressed? 

If a person was to stop thinking depressing thoughts, no matter how difficult the task was, or how long it took. Do you think they would still be depressed? With happy thoughts in their minds or thoughts that were at least, not depressing?  

I don't think people choose to feel depressed. Yes they have depressing thoughts. But it isn't as simple as not thinking depressing thoughts and people who are depressed do not choose to think those thoughts. Depression is a clinical illness. It is far more complicated than a choice.

We can be addicted to a lot of things. Some like drugs and alcohol cause us to be physically addicted to them. Other things like shopping it is the feelings they give us and I'm sure something to do with chemicals released in the brain. I'm not sure you can be addicted to depression. It isn't the same scenario. You aren't making a choice.

What is an addiction? At any moment in time, you have the power to chose a thought that will either make you feel good, or bad. When we chose to feel bad, it comes with its own benefits and sometimes we like those benefits more than any others, at that time. This is subconscious, as with all addictions. But to continue to get the benefits, we have to keep choosing the bad thoughts. Why would we do that if we weren’t addicted? We may have done it for a while, for the secondary benefits, but now we have outgrown the benefits, it’s like we’re still addicted to the thoughts. Because the peptides in us are now reliant on them, just as if they were reliant on heroin or some other drug or addiction. Otherwise, why are we thinking depressing thoughts? I’m not asking you to stop thinking them or anything, and I’m not actually saying you’re thinking them, but are you? I don’t know. I can’t feel depressed unless I’m thinking and believing depressing thoughts. And I noticed that I was addicted to them, just as closely as I had been addicted to drugs. That’s just my experience through the world according to how I experience it and now I couldn’t feel depressed if I tried, because I would know that I’m only trying to think the depressing thoughts to see if they work. 

I know depression is very common but I have never heard it described as an addiction before.

Maybe your particular addiction is depression? You wouldn’t be alone, lots of people share this addiction. 

Hi,

Yes I'm very much in this mold too and have been since a kid, the main difference being I don't often sell the hobby equipment off hence we have quite a cluttered house but at least when I revisit a hobby I usually have some kit to work with. Like you I did short wave radio and have my amateur license (although I never got into the transmission side, I'm more into listening). I was massively into TV-DXing and still tinker with it but there arent many analogue VHF stations on air now so I'm more into FM radio DX these days. I also play guitar and tinker with their electronics, hot rod them, build my own pedal boards etc. I have played in bands on and off since my teens something I have a love hate relationship with as I love the actual playing but the interpersonal band dynamics have always been a nightmare, of course since my diagnosis l know why now. I'm also big into collecting music both on audio and video. Some hobbies have completely gone by the wayside and probably wont return such as fishing but that it more to do with my back problems than a loss of interest and if I were fitter I may still have been active.

I have never had problems with addiction in the absence of a passion, I tend to fall into depression and become a hermit, I'm kind of in that phase now sadly. 

Yeah, I fully relate, ~ my solution ~ Ritalin  ~ I’ll tell you how it works out, after it’s had a chance to work it’s magic .

I’m not looking at this as a long term strategy, but as a kind of transitional tool. I’ll be working towards getting back into daily meditation etc, which does much of what the Ritalin does, but right now, I need the Ritalin to get me on track, otherwise I’m just gonna go from one mad obsession, to the other, without a care in the world  lol 

The plan is to get into something that I really enjoy, such as air rifle shooting. Something where I can be part of a team, to help anchor me there. And to make my life long obsession, my favourite, the love of my life, into my main source of income. Then have some sidelines, for example, I love coffee shops and I love being a barista so another goal of mine is to open my own autistic friendly, super healthy whole food coffee shop.  And also, more than anything, I’m practicing living at an easy, effortless, joyful pace of life, one that matches me (not the ADHD head) and to simply enjoy each and every moment as it arises, and arises and arises again and again and again  

My friends husband who is also autistic, is just like this as well. He’s amazing at so many things, but hasn’t been able to settle on any long term. 

p.s. getting to the stage of opening a coffee will take lots of exciting steps, such as completing my barista courses and just generally picking up ideas etc as I go ~ travelling the world visiting autistic friendly coffee shops  working hard at my day jobs and learning how to manage my money so I’m creating revenue for my dream coffee shop. It’s got lots of exciting steps. 

I guess what I’m saying is I took some time out to find out what it was that really inspired me at the core of my being and from that, grew definite goals or rather, dreams, that I feel compelled to carry out, as opposed to just something I fancy doing. Because I’ve realised that if I rely on that, I’ll be forever trying out new things but never really having a definite purpose because I’m always up for learning something new. This way, I still meet that need within me, but it’s aimed towards a definite goal. I realised I love learning, so I made life my education and that way, I’m guaranteed to always be doing what I love, but this time, with a definite purpose. 

This sounds so much like my partner! He gets obsessively interested in something buys all the gear does it for a while and moves on! His next grand plan is hydro dipping (oh dear is all I can say) 

Just wish he'd get rid of some of the stuff ...

What's on your horizon now? What's the next thing?

I have a cabinet full of Lego, I've got loads of models - all the ones that were too expensive when I was a kid like the Matchbox Flower Class Corvette and the Lindberg Fletcher Class Destroyer.

I got a Nichimo 1/200 IJN Yamato model - these are about £500 new - for £21 from a really badly done advert on Ebay.

Mine are usually childhood things too. If I had the money I would have an entire room dedicated to them and it would be full of Lego, modelling kits, puzzles, figures and other toys I have been obsessed with.

I designed one that has multi loops for a 8x4 sheet of ply that has over 80' of linear running track winding around on 3 levels with some tunnels & bridges.

Relatively easy to build but just sooo expensive.

I had forgotten 00 gauge railways! One of the nicest things my dad did for me as a child was put a 6ft square bit of MDF on castors so I could build a permanent layout and it would slide under their double bed when not being used!

I loved E&MM back in the day. I eventually got a job and had enough spare cash for a Trancendent 2000 or the E&MM Spectrum - exactly coinciding with thme dropping them from the range. I ended up buying an Octave Kitten instead.

Back in the day, I built my own studio gear when that stuff used to be crazy expensive. I built loads of those Maplin 75W (later 150W) amplifiers. Now it's all peanuts.

I just got a digital effects rack-mount for £12 and a rack-mount EMU sampler for £40 - both in immaculate condition.