Published on 12, July, 2020
After decades of therapists noting "You're very much in your head aren't you?" and having to interrupt my logical analysis of something with "No, I asked how you *feel* about it.", I've realised that alexithymia could be written on the inside of my eyelids.
For decades I struggled with depression, which I'm managing so, so much better now I have the explanatory framework of autism, and despite also having Seasonal Affective Disorder I'm actually doing OK for the grey end of January.
However, my current (last month, last quarter, can't exactly remember) mood is best described as "OK, content, no worries, chilled, meh" and I have a distinct lack of joy, excitement, anticipation that I remember having vague glimpses of during my younger years. Of course, many of the things that provoked excitement were things that I was encountering for the first time (new cars, motorbikes, girlfriends, different sorts of clouds, things to photograph, radio equipment, mathematical concepts, scientific theories, new telescopes). So I can't expect "new exciting things" to go on forever.
I'm rambling now - any thoughts?
I saw this on facebook recently and think it will help me.
I recognise and understand all of the words on that wheel picture. I do not recognise feeling any of them individually at any one time.
I seem to operate at multiple levels all the time so one part may be up while the other is down for different reasons. The sum is always 'meh'.
Thank you for the wheel. I have saved a copy of this in my phone i think it will be helpful.
Today after miscommunication with my partner i felt this feeling rising in my chest. I couldnt explain why i was feeling worked up and didnt know myself. I was trying to work through it but didnt come to a full conclusion so the feeling continued. I will use the wheel in future. I think its because i was misunderstood and my point wasnt validated by the other person. So i think, frustration.
Similarly just before, looking outside the window to be greeted/blinded by neighbours bright security lights (mentioned in another thread) i felt sad. I like the darkness and its otherwise fairly dark put the back. So ive just looked at this wheel and can see i ferl sad because i feel powerless.
Thank you for sharing.
I’ve got that too. The wheel. I’m just not sure what emotion should I pick? I’m fine with primary ones but secondary and tertiary? I’m not sure. If I’m angry I know I’m angry and that’s it. If I’m sad - I’m sad. I’m not even sure why and what I feel most of the time. Mostly I’m just “OK”, “neutral”, “so-so” or “tired”. And I know I’ve got strong emotions because certain things and situations make me laugh or cry but I wouldn’t be able to tell what I feel (even with the emotion wheel) - just overwhelmed by inseparable mixture of emotions (sadness/happiness/anger)
I was provided with an emotions wheel when I received my diagnosis. This does help with trying to verbalise things, but it still doesn't help me to recognise certain emotions. I am fairly good at recognising Angry emotions. Bad, fearful and disgust, I can only identify a few, but happy, surprised or sad I really struggle with. I'm not sure I could explain these well or know when I have experienced them. I know the types of situations you should feel them in, I just don't think I have experienced them in the same way as other people might.
Do you find you struggle with other things other than emotions? I don't recognise when I am thirsty or ill until it is really bad and I have to figure out what is wrong. This used to be the same for being hungry as well and needing to eat. I would forget to eat for days when I was younger and as a result became very thin. Now I rely on drinking and eating as being a habit and making sure I complete these at certain times. Food is also one of my special interests so this has helped me overcome not recognising when to eat.