Can alexithymia get worse?

Keep that moment in mind, in fact, write it down, along with any other similar memories. Then each morning, for just five minutes, get your little book, and one by one, go back to those experiences in your mind. Feel what the chair felt like in the lab and feel into how great it feels. Go into as much detail as you can, so you really feel like you’re reliving that moment. Look at the colours, sounds, etc, all of it. As soon as your mind starts to wonder from that memory, go to the next on your list, and do this until you’ve started your day with at least five minutes of genuine feel good moments. If you do this alone, within 7 days, you will notice a distinct difference in your life. And if you want to super charge the experience, spend moments in no mind, meaning, spend little amounts of time, for as long as you can, where you simply have no thoughts at all. A little helper is to ask, I wonder what thought will come next? And for some reason, when we ask that, it’s easier to go into ‘no mind’, but the five minutes of feel good thoughts in the morning, will change your life, if you do it. 

Superb advice. Reminds me of Gestalt therapy a little.

Putting it into practice is the key, and I have been trying for ages, but thanks for reminding me.

I first noticed how this helps when I was about 22 and working on my PhD at uni. I was sitting in a comfortable lab on a windy, rainy but mild day, with a fragrant cup of coffee on my desk. The windows were open, and a pleasant breeze was coming into the lab. The thought occurred to me there and then that, whilst I was in theory "at work", the sensory experience was very similar to that when I was in my bedroom as a teenager "playing" with my ZX Spectrum (that dates things!). So in that moment I was perfectly happy.

Not too dissimilar to my environment in this exact moment. :-)

p.s. this exercise can help you to distinguish between just simply 'being' and feeling 'positive', as well.  Positive and negative are two sides of the same coin. You don't want to aim at being 'positive', rather aim to just 'be'. As I described briefly, in the little exercise, just 'being' feels good, all by its self, it doesn't need any positive thinking or for you to be feeling 'positive' ~ just 'being', trumps all kinds of positivity ️

It's not that you turn up the volume as such, probably more like turn it down, but the longer you don't entertain (for want of a better word) - negative thoughts (or any thoughts really) and the longer you spend 'in the moment' noticing and appreciating everything around you, the greater the volume gets turned up, naturally. 

A little exercise ~ in this moment now, notice if you need anything. For example, in this moment, you're not about to be eaten by a sabre tooth tiger are you? ~ so notice how that feels, to be safe. Notice how the chair you're sitting on, is supporting your whole body and the floor beneath the chair is supporting your body and the chair. Just gently look at what's around you, not by making judgements about what this, that or the other is, just by gently noticing what's around you. Notice how free you are in this moment and how you have no need of anything. In this moment life is perfectly perfect. You don't need anything, you have everything you could possibly ever wish to have, for you in this moment, to be free, happy and joyful. Notice you're not thinking 'positive' thoughts, you just are, in the moment, enjoying life to the fullest by taking in air, noticing what's around you, how it feels inside to be free and without need and to be so thoroughly and utterly supported in every way. You don't even have to breath, your body does that for you. Try not to breath and see how long you last. Your body will spontaneously breath whether you think of breathing or not. What a wonderful body. 

If you spend a few moments like this, feeling good, peaceful and relaxed ~ watch how the moments after that, feel. They feel good also? 

But sit instead and think of all that you don't have or how things aren't perfect, or think of the bills you have to pay or that there's not enough new moments etc and see how you feel in the moments following such thoughts. Not so good. 

We create our next moment, on the back of this moment, so if this moment feels good, so will the next. So you just keep practicing this, gently and repeatedly and after a while, it becomes your natural state of being, because it is. When you sit there, with no thoughts, simply enjoying the moment, being free and feeling warm and safe, it's your natural state which only changes when your thinking starts. 

Let me know if that helps :) 

I recognise and understand all of the words on that wheel picture. I do not recognise feeling any of them individually at any one time.

I seem to operate at multiple levels all the time so one part may be up while the other is down for different reasons. The sum is always 'meh'.

That's a great way to be. I get a little of what you get, when I'm feeling positive. Just wish I could turn up the volume :-)

Thank you for the wheel. I have saved a copy of this in my phone i think it will be helpful.

Today after miscommunication with my partner i felt this feeling rising in my chest. I couldnt explain why i was feeling worked up and didnt know myself. I was trying to work through it but didnt come to a full conclusion so the feeling continued. I will use the wheel in future. I think its because i was misunderstood and my point wasnt validated by the other person. So i think, frustration.

Similarly just before, looking outside the window to be greeted/blinded by neighbours bright security lights (mentioned in another thread) i felt sad. I like the darkness and its otherwise fairly dark put the back. So ive just looked at this wheel and can see i ferl sad because i feel powerless. 

Thank you for sharing.

I don’t struggle with not knowing when I’m hungry or thirsty, I just don’t know when I am until the time comes when I can’t ignore the call for food and water any more. So to my mind, this is a blessing. I’m not too big on eating or drinking etc, I’d rather be reading or out walking in nature, so now instead of trying to work it out by thinking about it, I just listen to my body. And I especially love my body when it wants chocolate  I’m a big fan of chocolate and have just discovered how to make these chocolate date things, so I’m almost overwhelmed with excitement, because now I know that so long as I have some dark chocolate, some delicious dates and some cocoa, coconut, peanut butter or some other favourite nut butter or tahini, I’ll never go hungry again. I’m delighted  and I’ve got an amazingly delicious healthy wholesome chocolate smoothie recipe as well, that I love, so I’m rocking. And if I can ever get a salad or two in there as well from time to time, I’ll be living in food heaven. Coconut water is great for cutting down on the amount of fluids you need to drink, as well as juicy fruits. 

I also fast relatively regularly so I know the benefits of going without food and water for extended periods of time, so if I forget or can’t be bothered to get food, which is often, I simply fast. I need a kick up the but some times to get me into a fast, so all methods of encouragement are welcome. 

Every day is new and exciting to me. In fact, every moment is. To me, it can’t not be. To my logical mind, every new moment, is just that. A new  moment. The old one has passed, never to be again, unless I reenact it in my mind. But why would I do that? For one, I’d miss the current moment, and two, I’m moving forwards, not backwards. And moving forwards, I can again, be in the moment or be in some imaginary future in my mind/thoughts. I’ve found that even when I make the simplest of plans, they rarely work out as planned.  So why plan? I’ve found that if I live in the moment and enjoy this moment, I enjoy the next one as well. It’s like, something good doesn’t come from nothing. But if I’m enjoying this moment, then it’s logical that the moment to follow, will also be enjoyable. And when I live this way, I seem to move forwards almost without effort and I have loads of inspiring ideas and the most exciting thing of all, is that  I don’t know which, if any, or maybe all, will come to fruition. It’s exciting to know, that however it pans out though, I’ll be happy and fulfilled  and of course it will be new and exciting, because I’m not there yet and so by definition, I haven’t experienced it so it must be new and exciting. 

I’ve got that too. The wheel. I’m just not sure what emotion should I pick? I’m fine with primary ones but secondary and tertiary? I’m not sure. If I’m angry I know I’m angry and that’s it. If I’m sad - I’m sad. I’m not even sure why and what I feel most of the time. Mostly I’m just “OK”, “neutral”, “so-so” or “tired”. And I know I’ve got strong emotions because certain things and situations make me laugh or cry but I wouldn’t be able to tell what I feel (even with the emotion wheel) - just overwhelmed by inseparable mixture of emotions (sadness/happiness/anger)

I was provided with an emotions wheel when I received my diagnosis.  This does help with trying to verbalise things, but it still doesn't help me to recognise certain emotions.  I am fairly good at recognising Angry emotions.  Bad, fearful and disgust, I can only identify a few, but happy, surprised or sad I really struggle with.  I'm not sure I could explain these well or know when I have experienced them.  I know the types of situations you should feel them in, I just don't think I have experienced them in the same way as other people might.

Do you find you struggle with other things other than emotions?  I don't recognise when I am thirsty or ill until it is really bad and I have to figure out what is wrong.  This used to be the same for being hungry as well and needing to eat.  I would forget to eat for days when I was younger and as a result became very thin.  Now I rely on drinking and eating as being a habit and making sure I complete these at certain times.  Food is also one of my special interests so this has helped me overcome not recognising when to eat.

(That's the path I'm sortof heading down).

If you'd rather focus on one or a small number of things, there are lots of areas where you can essentially learn, and hone your craft essentially forever.

I saw this on facebook recently and think it will help me.

Hi Starbuck, glad I'm not alone but sorry to hear you're in the same situation. I think you're right that number 2 may be ultimately better, but more difficult. Number 1 is easier, but isn't a cure. I've done similar things to the list of exciting stuff that Plastic suggested above (thanks Plastic btw) and certainly found some emotions in learning to ride motorbikes, owning and riding them to an advanced standard (I taught this for a while too), and rediscovering some childlike joy. But ultimately, for me, the bucket list approach seems to verge on hedonism which defeats itself I think, because it's impossible to be satisfied. Looking back at my original post I was already hinting at this; new experiences can't go on forever (well, maybe they could, but it depends how you define "new").

Almost certainly, as we age everything becomes more familiar and less "new" (Christmas anyone?).

I can't think of a good "answer" at the moment............

I have several serious health conditions so NTs label me as being severely depressed. They often don't understand that I don't do emotions like normal people so they are measuring a null-state of my mask. I do not have a response that they expect to any situation. 

The clinical interrogations where they 'measure' me are artificial so I don't have a pre-prepared 'clinic mode' to make them happy.

I think they are projecting their view of how they would feel in this situation.

I'm glad I came across this topic as I was about to post a similar one of my own.  I am very much like you in that I have managed depression for years and I am doing really well now compared to how things have been and given the time of year etc.  However, I am also finding I am in the 'meh' stage most of the time.  As for emotions I can recognise fear/anxiety (recent discovery as I assumed these were depression) although I don't know if there is a difference between the two - anger, but rarely experienced these days, frustration and then just a good feeling; however good feeling(s) are very rare and fleeting.

Like you I have wondered if it has worsened as I have aged, or if I need to do more to try and 'feel' things like I am supposed to be?

There are two things I am debating with myself:

1 - Do I need to do more that will invoke emotions?

2 - Do I need to learn what emotions are and identify them?

I am thinking the latter may be better and more successful, but I don't even know how I would even start to go about this without having deep pockets to pay a specialist counselor.

Then it's just a case of ticking them off - I've done many strange things in my life and I still have loads of things I want to do.

BTW - I've done the things I suggested. I done aerobatic flying lessons, raced a Ferarri 360, taxied a Lancaster, walked on the roof of a cathedral, abseiled off a 200' cliff, organised a motor show, had whip-cracking lessons, machine-gun target practice, done loads of big roller-coasters - the world is your oyster.

Haha yes I've kinda thought through that and I do have a bucket list of implausible and probably un-achievable things! Unfortunately my budget is quite limited nowadays having adjusted my work as part of a downsizing strategy and then forgetting to downsize 

I'm done with Christmas Cards said:

So I can't expect "new exciting things" to go on forever.

Depends on your imagination and amount of money you have available.

I think it's pefectly feasible. Have you flown a helicopter? Done some stunt driving? Swimming with sharks without a cage?