Undiagnosed autism

There's normally an underlying reason why couples are stressed - usually it's money worries that put them both into the 99% stressed mode and then small things push them over the edge into a fight.

Do you both work?

Do you know what behaviours will trigger him? Do you know what stress he's under? (job worries etc.)

Do you have any pastimes that de-stress either of you?

Thanks for you reply. 

Most unfortunately hr works for me in my own business as he has been unsuccessful in a number of other attempted careers. His stress has accumulated over the years as he has had many failed enterprises (due to his autism as i now realise) We both have pastimes which really add to our stress because of the overly intense way we pursue them!

Do you have a shared goal (like being able to retire to the country in 10 years)? It can be a conversation starter to discuss your destination and then talk about why you need less stress in your lives - talk about what he finds stressful and what you find stressful - you might find you have a lot of shared triggers - and then think of ways you could reduce it in the future - it might help you identify today's stress and ways to reduce it right now.

Do you both know what your destination is? A lot of people spend their lives working hard without thinkig about why.

What's the reason for killing yourself working with no end goal?

I don't anticipate retiring in terms of staying locked up at home waiting to die.  I don't have any difficulty finding things to keep me occupied.  If I was financially independent I'd still be doing things, and that might even include taking money off people to do things I want to do.  But I'd like to be in the situation of being able to turn round to them and say "well if you're going down that path I'm not really interested in going there so see you around!"

I was very lucky and had the opportunity to retire 3 years ago in my late 40s due to health problems and work giving me a good payoff. I have no idea how people have the time to fit work in to their weeks.

I know Plastic - people keep telling me I don't want to retire as I won't have anything to do - whut?!!! Being forced to work means you're always too busy and emotionally exhausted to do *anything*. I wish I'd be a bit less poor when I retire but I really can't wait . . .

I don’t associate retirement with house arrest.

I simply love working, it’s just what I love to do.

I’ve never been forced to work, it’s always been my choice but house arrest sounds like heaven ~ I’ve been in my house for two years now, due to burnout, and they’ve been the best two years of my life.

People think that because I travel the world etc, I must not like being at home. But they couldn’t be further from the truth.  

I am so true to my aspie nature that if I thought I was simply here on earth to just do my own thing, I’d never leave my house  

A wise professor once said he had found the cure for autism. He said, put them in a room by themselves and all their autism disappears. And it’s true for me. When I’m in my house and I know I don’t have to leave for a week or so I am sooooooooo happy. To me, it’s like party time, holiday time lol. I love being by myself in the safety and sanctuary of my own solitude in my own home :) 

I’ve actually got 4 support workers now (I know, it’s crazy, this is the most I’ve ever had at one time) all working hard to get me to leave my house. It’s like ~ but I love it here, why do I have to leave

I think there's a huge disconnect here - retirement is when you switch from doing what you're forced to do to doing what you want to do.

Why do people associate retirement as house arrest?

I think there's a huge disconnect here - retirement is when you switch from doing what you're forced to do to doing what you want to do.

Why do people associate retirement as house arrest?

I don't anticipate retiring in terms of staying locked up at home waiting to die.  I don't have any difficulty finding things to keep me occupied.  If I was financially independent I'd still be doing things, and that might even include taking money off people to do things I want to do.  But I'd like to be in the situation of being able to turn round to them and say "well if you're going down that path I'm not really interested in going there so see you around!"

I was very lucky and had the opportunity to retire 3 years ago in my late 40s due to health problems and work giving me a good payoff. I have no idea how people have the time to fit work in to their weeks.

I know Plastic - people keep telling me I don't want to retire as I won't have anything to do - whut?!!! Being forced to work means you're always too busy and emotionally exhausted to do *anything*. I wish I'd be a bit less poor when I retire but I really can't wait . . .

I don’t associate retirement with house arrest.

I simply love working, it’s just what I love to do.

I’ve never been forced to work, it’s always been my choice but house arrest sounds like heaven ~ I’ve been in my house for two years now, due to burnout, and they’ve been the best two years of my life.

People think that because I travel the world etc, I must not like being at home. But they couldn’t be further from the truth.  

I am so true to my aspie nature that if I thought I was simply here on earth to just do my own thing, I’d never leave my house  

A wise professor once said he had found the cure for autism. He said, put them in a room by themselves and all their autism disappears. And it’s true for me. When I’m in my house and I know I don’t have to leave for a week or so I am sooooooooo happy. To me, it’s like party time, holiday time lol. I love being by myself in the safety and sanctuary of my own solitude in my own home :) 

I’ve actually got 4 support workers now (I know, it’s crazy, this is the most I’ve ever had at one time) all working hard to get me to leave my house. It’s like ~ but I love it here, why do I have to leave