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Undiagnosed autism

NAS50581
over 5 years ago

Hi all

I wonder if anyone has any advice on my situation. I have lived with my husband for 15 years and we have had a very difficult relationship. I am on the autistic spectrum (although not diagnosed) and he frequently refers to this and complains about my autistic behaviour making his life difficult. We are about to embark on our third attempt at couple counselling. On our first visit I explained that I was on the spectrum and that my husband found this difficult and the counsellor said , 'Yes there is definitely autism in the room,' Later on the penny finally dropped- my husband has undiagnosed autism and for inexplicable reasons ( as I frequently work with autistic clients) I have failed to realise it. He has every single symptom of high functioning autism ( although actually he really doesn't function because of his disorganisation and distractibility) My husband cannot accept responsibility for his conduct and is hypersensitive to criticism. He will find it impossible to accept the suggestion that his conduct plays any role in our marital problems. I am fearful of the counsellor suggesting this to him as I know he will take it extremely badly and he is already depressed.

Any advice would be most welcome

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    There's normally an underlying reason why couples are stressed - usually it's money worries that put them both into the 99% stressed mode and then small things push them over the edge into a fight.

    Do you both work?

    Do you know what behaviours will trigger him? Do you know what stress he's under? (job worries etc.)

    Do you have any pastimes that de-stress either of you?

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    There's normally an underlying reason why couples are stressed - usually it's money worries that put them both into the 99% stressed mode and then small things push them over the edge into a fight.

    Do you both work?

    Do you know what behaviours will trigger him? Do you know what stress he's under? (job worries etc.)

    Do you have any pastimes that de-stress either of you?

Children
  • over 5 years ago in reply to Plastic

    Thanks for you reply. 

    Most unfortunately hr works for me in my own business as he has been unsuccessful in a number of other attempted careers. His stress has accumulated over the years as he has had many failed enterprises (due to his autism as i now realise) We both have pastimes which really add to our stress because of the overly intense way we pursue them!