Advice on Disclosure

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable (and sensible)  adjustment to me. Hope all goes well, wishing you all the best!

Hi, I have sent the email but I have edited it a bit to be more appropriate (I included an extra bit that said: " I also work best in structured environments, so it might be useful to have a discussion each Friday afternoon or Monday morning to figure out a plan for the coming week." I'm a bit nervous because I didn't have this officially approved. I hope it's ok. 

If the email has been approved, send it don't delay second guessing yourself (easier said than done I know ) one week is not along time to have passed the sooner you tell them the better

No, they're rarely around, and I get very anxious doing it. I understand this is my own fault, but there's just so many issues I need to work on it's hard to know where to begin, and I could never change myself in time to save my degree. I have the email approved now, but I am still anxious about sending it because I've been there a week and I feel like they will think I am telling them off or whatnot. I always seem to do this, get myself stuck in a position where it's impossible to disclose, which is why I reached out for advice on here. I think I need to rewrite the email considering that a week has passed, but I've no idea where to start with it, and I won't see my mentor for another 2 weeks.

Well hopefully once the email is approved and sent to them they will understand and make an effort to approach you and explain what work you need to do. It’s early days yet so fingers crossed that things settle down for you. I’m sure all your hard work won’t have been for nothing. Have you tried approaching your supervisors to ask what you should do?

It most certainly is not because people don't like you, I can assure you of that. 

However, I know that feeling. My default setting is that everybody hates me, but I've slowly learned, over the years, that that's not true ~ but it doesn't stop me from thinking it, the moment I feel uneasy, which is  usually any time I'm in somebody's company ~ but most of the time (although not always 'at' the time) I can reason with my mind and feel relatively sure they don't hate me and it's just my mind doing it's thing. It has taken me practice to get to this stage though. 

It can be extremely frustrating and disheartening when we aren't as assertive as we would like to be. But we learn to be more assertive over the years, it's not generally a skill that most of us have and certainly nobody is assertive and confident in all situations. 

I hope it all gets sorted for you soon

Unfortunately there is no one I can talk to other than the course supervisor, and she's not very sympathetic. Also, that would put an end to me working with the research group, and I don't know how I would complete my degree then. Everytime I enter a work environment I end up in this situation, I think it's because I'm not assertive enough and people don't like me.

Try not to worry aralez ~ what you’re doing there is catastrophic black and white thinking, that we, as autistic people, are prone to. 

Is there any body there at all that you can talk to, even if it’s just to share your fears, so you can be reassured. If we keep our fears to ourselves we start believing them and I’m sure they’re not true, I’m sure that things will get sorted for you and your hard work will pay off. 

I have decided to email them, but I am waiting for my mentor to reply and approve my email. Unfortunately it's all too late. Today none of those meant to be supervising me have even approached me, meaning that I'm getting no work done. This is what I feared. I've work my ass off for 4 years, and yet this project is the biggest part of my degree, and it's quite possible I won't even complete it because of my AS.

Hi, is there anyway that you could email the main teacher to disclose, thus getting it over and done with by Monday and avoiding having to explain in person. Also, as someone has mentioned previously, it is sometimes easier to write things down rather than speak. There should be someone who can provide the relevant email address?

Hi, I understand you not wanting to disclose In front of another student, as you are not starting the training for a week could you speak to student welfare before then and ask the best way to proceed and explain that another student was present during meeting making disclosure impossible? Or could you make an appointment with the trainer prior to next Monday allowing you the privacy to disclose? 

I wish you luck and hope you get this sorted out 

Thanks everyone for their replies.

Today was the big day. But two things caught me off-guard, so I have not yet disclosed. First, proper training won't start until next Monday so I couldn't really identify an appropriate time to bring it up. Also, I will be trained alongside another student from my class and I don't want to disclose in front of him... I really only want the person who will be training me to know. I don't know how to get her alone.

This always happens, the social situation gets too complicated for my poor brain :( 

I did not know how to tell people after I was diagnosed.

It certainly caused a great deal of apprehension. Many people thought I was odd anyway,  with strange ideas and ways of doing things, unusual habits and a bit abrupt and to the point.  So they already made judgements about me, whether I disclosed my autism or not.

When it comes to adjustments under the Equality Act, the diagnosis obviously has to be disclosed to managers, and that is as far as it needs to go if you want to get adjustments.  But others will still think you are strange and may wonder why you may get certain 'privileges' in the workplace.

The first step I took was telling someone who I was a bit closer to than others. Once that was out the way, I thought the best way of getting it out in the open was to tell the 'office gossip', and the news spread like wildfire! I did not have to do anything else.

As time went on, I grew more comfortable about telling people.  I don't approach people and say I'm autistic, but I might throw it into a conversation, or when I make a particularly inappropriate remark for example (and I make many!) I will say I was having an autistic moment and that I am autistic.  But I am not ashamed or uncomfortable anymore about saying I am autistic. I have strange eating habits and very strong dislikes in food I can say that I can't stand certain food smells, tastes and textures because I am autistic and it is how I am affected and this is accepted far more than it used to be when I was classed as a 'fussy eater'.

As with a lot of things the initial stage of 'coming out' is the most difficult.  But if anyone cannot then accept you it is their problem not yours.  I would certainly not want to keep the acquaintance of anyone who judged me negatively because of my autism.

Yes - get it all written down so you don't forget to mention something important.

Write it out, just as you have here because this is excellent, clear and to the point, then get to the place a little earlier, before start time or go today or tomorrow, and give it to who you think is most appropriate. You don't have to speak. I have one of those rubber wrist band things which is green on one side and says happy to speak and red on the other which says please leave me alone. My autism plus worker gave it to me, and I wear it all the time now, because sometimes I just need to not speak and for people not to bother me or speak to me. So far nobody has ever taken offence to it.

I would probably write or print several of them out just incase I was to come across somebody who wasn't aware of my needs and my style of learning, so I could easily and quickly give them a copy without even having to speak.

Thanks for the link and support! I do have a mentor in the disability service, but we as students have to take on disclosure ourselves to prepare us for the work of work, which makes sense I suppose. Usually they would offer advice, but the offices don't open until Monday, at which point it's too late for me I'm afraid. Partly my fault, I should have got help before the Christmas break but I was too busy studying for exams. 

I agree with Tom - get the uni support person to sort it all out for you - they have much more experience with dealing with this sort of thing.

PS  You might also find it helpful to check out the resources on the site if you haven't already:

Support in education

Hi aralez,

Not sure about uni, but I always disclose at things like job interviews.  So far, it's not held me back.

The university should have a student welfare officer you could talk to.  Many universities now also have mentors/advocates for autistic people.  It's an equality issue, and you should not be discriminated against.  If you had a physical disability, you would be accommodated.

Try the welfare officer first.  Personally, I would always encourage disclosure.

All the best,

Tom