Question for adults with ASD/Aspergers

I am NT and recently met a friend with Aspergers and ADHD So I’ve been reading as much as I can about it 

I have noticed a lot of people say things they do because they think its because they are autistic 

I can assure you now that everyone is the same and think what you think just some people are more open and honest (one quality I love in my friend) and will say what they think where others don’t 

We are not that different We are all human 

Reni

Welcome and I think the answer is very simple. As you therapist said, we live by rules as it is the only way we can logically make sense of the illogical neurotypical world, therefore when people are not following the rules it causes us stress and can upset us as we do not know how to respond as people are not doing what they ought to be doing, hence all we know no longer makes sense and we end up in a stress spiral and just want the world to go back to how we know it. Sometimes though, we have to accept the basic rule that people will often not follow rules as the world is illogical.

Andy

I did not know, now I going to look into it.

It was lovely to read you response. Thank you for your insight 

I hate ppl but love animals 

Yes, all that. Noticing details that don't fit into the pattern is one thing, and a potential strength. However, we may also concentrate on 'negatives' and flaws more than NTs, something which can be also be a cognitive effect of low mood.

I also have to resist an pedantic urge to correct people's use of language, even if it's clear. That's something that surely has nothing to do with consideration or safety, and just makes me a reasonable proof-reader. For example, that thing of using 'flaunt' when 'flout' is obviously meant. By the way, did you know that you can edit your own messages on this forum for several days after they've been posted? You can also ignore anything I say, or tell me to eff off.

I don;t confront people, because I don't want a confrontation to ensue and don't know if the other person might get aggressive or nasty - but I internalise it whenever I see it. It actually drives me mad that I notice and then it irritates me. For example, people standing upstairs on the bus...people smoking in shelters. People cycling through red lights. Etc etc. For me it isn't so much that I want them to obey the rule but it's what you said exactly. The lack of consideration for other people when folk act like they're above the rules is what gets to me. Playing music out loud on a bus is also annoying to me (bad bad music usually, music I'd been embarrassed to admit to). And omg kids running riot in the cinema. I mean it's not a rule, but does it really hurt to not bring your wild toddlers to a 12 screening and not let them climb all over strangers' seats? It's not a creche.

So you're not alone. It's really hard to just deal with it when it's a lot of times a day.

Maybe it is petty, but it's not something that's conscious I don't think. I think it's because we notice detail. And besides, other people think they're better than anyone else by flaunting those rules. That's really infuriating, especially when it's a safety issue.

I hear you there! 

I have come to the conclusion that I just don't like people full stop :-)

I do agree with you, I am the same, people park on the pavement outside my house and it drives me mad, it even stops me sleeping as I keep thinking about it.   Also if I see people breaking the law like dropping litter, I get so angry. 

Exactly the same!

I told a grown woman off yesterday while in hospital. I was waiting with my son for his appointment, she was playing solitaire on her phone but had the clicking sound on. I told my son many times out loud that the sound is annoying but she did not get the hint. So I told her, do you mind muting it. She said it does not make any sound. I said, it does! It’s makes a clicking sound and some of us have sensory issues, do you mind considering it! Thank you!

She muted it!

i was trying to held my younger, but it was very annoying and I was getting pissed if more and more, I had to say something because in this situation I could not get up and walk off!

Wow, ppl with ASD often very good in maths and science. I gonna try to download one see if it helps.

We seem to be quite similar. 

Friends will come and go, only a very few ppl who actually care and understand will stay permanently that’s 2-3 People.

there are some temporary friends where I live but as soon as I move I will never see them again.

ppl are fake and only act to be friend to either use one another or it’s convince.

its not you! It’s them! Trust me! Lol

Yesss... Why can't people just admit they did s bad thing and move on rather than get defensive and rude! Unfortunately I've lost a lot of friends over the years as  they could never apologise for hurting me and I didn't understand why. I always needed that closure 

I have exactly the same urges but have become passive aggressive which is annoying to myself and others.

People not holding doors open or showing common manners. Drivers not indicating. Signs that say no phones and people are on the phones

 I pointed it out once to the hospital with all the signs and told them they should take down the signs or enforce them because the contradiction was driving me insane!

As a kid I got into trouble all the time because I was so frustrated that none of the other kids followed the rules and the teachers didn't punish them for it. It used to cause me to lash out physically and verbally and I felt so misunderstood.

I know confronting people about their behaviour doesn't often work. I had a woman near to me in Tescos today, she was with her kids  using a self service checkout, and I was at the  staffed basket right next to her. Anyway her daughter was making a most awful row, crying , and it seemed to be right in my ears, I did think "Are you going to shut that kid up or an I? "  Tho I think just pushing the pushchair backwards and forwards quietened the little girl down, I don't know if she was crying as she felt ignored as mum and the older girl were putting shopping through the scanner and the little mite maybe felt left out!!!

KenKen is a puzzle book similar to Sudoku, except it uses math.

From the back of the book:

”At Home, while commuting, during lunch hours... take KenKen with you wherever you go!

Your challenge: Use basic math - addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division - while also exercising your logic and problem-solving skills. The more you think ahead to your next move and consider all possible outcomes, the better you’ll get!“

I’m on brown belt. I am loving the challenge and on my 99th puzzle out of 300. It’s satisfying my hunger to give me a challenge and taking my mind off of things, which I normally get from video games.

Thank you for your response. It was very interesting to read. Yes, I have the same thing with details. 

What is a KenKen if you don’t mind me asking, maybe I’m too old to know these things.

I deal with it at work more.

With my first employer, I constantly corrected people who were not executing the "Best Practice." When I was made a trainer, I was able to be more productive and rational in explaining the bad habit and what is more desirable. My supervisors noticed the difference I made. They ended up having me re-train team members that weren't trained properly by other team trainers and turn their bad habits into good habits.

At my second employer, I have a harder time when the supervisors are not consistent with their disciplinary action. I have a harder time when they do not enforce the standard operating procedures. I communicated with every tier of management to correct easy fixes. When it came to communicating "damned if you do, damned if you don't," they wouldn't try understanding me. These were things they looked the other way on, which antagonized my Aspergers. Eventually, I had to remove myself from that workplace because they weren't interested in fixing their problems. 

The best way I can say it is "We come with an acute attention to detail." The attention to detail never stops. It is always there. I'm very attentive to my surroundings if I'm not divulging my mind into something. My go-to distraction right now is my KenKen.