thank you so much for reading this.
im in a great dilemma and it’s been in my head since last night and I’m trying to work out if other ppl feel the same way.
i have an urge to correct ppl.
for example it’s been very dry, it sais everywhere no bbq in local parks yet ppl still do it. I got in a argument with these 2 group if foreign ppl because I ask them whether they don’t read the signs posted everywhere in the park or don’t watch tv as it’s been prohibited to bbq any public parks even if it’s been allowed previously due to the dry weather.
again they threatened me, I called the police, etc...
i juat can’t keep my mouth shut, if someone doing something wrong I get pissed off.
i get so wound up about people Parking on the double yellow by my son’s school I have been bugging the Council for months to monitor and ticket them.
i also suffer from chronic depression and anxiety disorder.
whT I’m trying to work out as I’m doing so CBT cognitive behavioural therapy is that I get wound up because of my anxiety or my Aspergers.
is it normal I feel like that?
does other ppl do it or it’s just me?
also my 5 yr old son has Aspergers too and he is the same, he can’t stop telling kids off if they doing something wrong and he even tells adults. I have to tell him it’s not his place. But I’m wondering if he picked it up from me or it’s just part of how our brain works.
my therapists said we like rules because that’s how the world make sense. Agreed
so when someone breaks those rules I get angry because I’m frustrated with the lack of certainty.
i don’t know if any of this makes any sense to others but I hope I can get some answers.
thank you so much in advance
Welcome to the forums. Please do join in wherever you feel like.
I can relate a bit to what you say. I have more than once asked people to take their feet off seats on trains, and point out to cyclists on pavements that cycling on pavements is illegal and can scare pedestrians. I don't recall ever telling anyone off for a barbecue, but there have been a lot of grass fires near me recently, and this will be an increasing worry. (Some places I've seen park keepers turn up in their buggy and turn the inbuilt hose straight on the fire - maybe a satisfying part of that job!)
However, with me, it's not all rules by any means, but only those that I can see the reason for. 'Feet on seats' is a minor thing, admittedly, but it's something about the general lack of consideration (as is loud music in the same situation). When there's so much else wrong in the world, I worry I'm being petty.
As well as wanting other people to behave better, do you lack social confidence? Or do you then worry if you've done the right thing? Either way, the confrontation (which I try to make as polite as possible if I've time) can add to anxiety.
I don't often confront people about heir rule breaking, because I know that it doesn't usually do much good, but I've sometimes got myself into a difficult situation by assuming that other people are obeying them.
Some years ago, long before I began to suspect I was autistic, I was on an overcrowded train sitting near the toilets.There were several other people in the same area, then one man stood up. gave us all a meaningful look which I was unable to interpret, and went into the loo. Shortly afterwards, the ticket inspector arrived, checked all our tickets and was about to move on. I helpfully (as I thought) told him that he hadn't checked the ticket of the man in the toilet. Turns out he didn't have one. and I was genuinely shocked.
He was led off, and all the other people around gave me unfriendly looks and found somewhere else to sit. It was one of those situations where no amount of explanation can atone for what you just did, because no one believes you.
Awwww, interesting point. Yes my social skills are quite poor, I don’t think I can do polite, I’m more sarcastic. Example, with barbecue:
did you not see the sign by the park entrance or you don’t watch TV?!
there are no bbq permitted due to the dry weather.
my concerns are the lack of responsibility ppl take for there actions.
When they cause grief to ppl with poor driving, etc my issues are safety.
When you point there mistakes out, instead of saying , I do apologise, they get defensive, arrogant, rude, threatening.
im trying to ignore it, but I end up going on and on about it for days!
I’ve been Struggling with social situations all my life, but I thought I’m just weird until my best friend pointed out that different people see that exact same situation differently and she has been desensitising me ever since!
thats such a great example.
how did you learn to ignore ppl behaviour yet not going on and on about it for ages thinking why ppl do this, that????
I'm sorry I can't help, because I do continue thinking about people's behaviour afterwards. I don't often have the courage to say anything about it at the time, but will sometimes do something about it myself if possible. (for example, picking up other people's litter.) Sadly, my expectations of other people's behaviour have lowered over the years.
After a really embarrassing incident, such as the one I described, I tend to blame myself for not reacting like everyone else. But, although I cringe to remember it, at the back of my mind a small., stubborn voice is saying "yes, but he should have bought a ticket".
Hi and welcome Reni. I am the same. I get so incensed by people breaking safety rules that I never bothered to learn to drive! I have to wear headphones and ignore what other people do even on public transport!
Thank you so much Alice!
I deal with it at work more.
With my first employer, I constantly corrected people who were not executing the "Best Practice." When I was made a trainer, I was able to be more productive and rational in explaining the bad habit and what is more desirable. My supervisors noticed the difference I made. They ended up having me re-train team members that weren't trained properly by other team trainers and turn their bad habits into good habits.
At my second employer, I have a harder time when the supervisors are not consistent with their disciplinary action. I have a harder time when they do not enforce the standard operating procedures. I communicated with every tier of management to correct easy fixes. When it came to communicating "damned if you do, damned if you don't," they wouldn't try understanding me. These were things they looked the other way on, which antagonized my Aspergers. Eventually, I had to remove myself from that workplace because they weren't interested in fixing their problems.
The best way I can say it is "We come with an acute attention to detail." The attention to detail never stops. It is always there. I'm very attentive to my surroundings if I'm not divulging my mind into something. My go-to distraction right now is my KenKen.
Thank you for your response. It was very interesting to read. Yes, I have the same thing with details.
What is a KenKen if you don’t mind me asking, maybe I’m too old to know these things.
KenKen is a puzzle book similar to Sudoku, except it uses math.
From the back of the book:
”At Home, while commuting, during lunch hours... take KenKen with you wherever you go!
Your challenge: Use basic math - addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division - while also exercising your logic and problem-solving skills. The more you think ahead to your next move and consider all possible outcomes, the better you’ll get!“
I’m on brown belt. I am loving the challenge and on my 99th puzzle out of 300. It’s satisfying my hunger to give me a challenge and taking my mind off of things, which I normally get from video games.