thank you so much for reading this.
im in a great dilemma and it’s been in my head since last night and I’m trying to work out if other ppl feel the same way.
i have an urge to correct ppl.
for example it’s been very dry, it sais everywhere no bbq in local parks yet ppl still do it. I got in a argument with these 2 group if foreign ppl because I ask them whether they don’t read the signs posted everywhere in the park or don’t watch tv as it’s been prohibited to bbq any public parks even if it’s been allowed previously due to the dry weather.
again they threatened me, I called the police, etc...
i juat can’t keep my mouth shut, if someone doing something wrong I get pissed off.
i get so wound up about people Parking on the double yellow by my son’s school I have been bugging the Council for months to monitor and ticket them.
i also suffer from chronic depression and anxiety disorder.
whT I’m trying to work out as I’m doing so CBT cognitive behavioural therapy is that I get wound up because of my anxiety or my Aspergers.
is it normal I feel like that?
does other ppl do it or it’s just me?
also my 5 yr old son has Aspergers too and he is the same, he can’t stop telling kids off if they doing something wrong and he even tells adults. I have to tell him it’s not his place. But I’m wondering if he picked it up from me or it’s just part of how our brain works.
my therapists said we like rules because that’s how the world make sense. Agreed
so when someone breaks those rules I get angry because I’m frustrated with the lack of certainty.
i don’t know if any of this makes any sense to others but I hope I can get some answers.
thank you so much in advance
Welcome to the forums. Please do join in wherever you feel like.
I can relate a bit to what you say. I have more than once asked people to take their feet off seats on trains, and point out to cyclists on pavements that cycling on pavements is illegal and can scare pedestrians. I don't recall ever telling anyone off for a barbecue, but there have been a lot of grass fires near me recently, and this will be an increasing worry. (Some places I've seen park keepers turn up in their buggy and turn the inbuilt hose straight on the fire - maybe a satisfying part of that job!)
However, with me, it's not all rules by any means, but only those that I can see the reason for. 'Feet on seats' is a minor thing, admittedly, but it's something about the general lack of consideration (as is loud music in the same situation). When there's so much else wrong in the world, I worry I'm being petty.
As well as wanting other people to behave better, do you lack social confidence? Or do you then worry if you've done the right thing? Either way, the confrontation (which I try to make as polite as possible if I've time) can add to anxiety.
I don;t confront people, because I don't want a confrontation to ensue and don't know if the other person might get aggressive or nasty - but I internalise it whenever I see it. It actually drives me mad that I notice and then it irritates me. For example, people standing upstairs on the bus...people smoking in shelters. People cycling through red lights. Etc etc. For me it isn't so much that I want them to obey the rule but it's what you said exactly. The lack of consideration for other people when folk act like they're above the rules is what gets to me. Playing music out loud on a bus is also annoying to me (bad bad music usually, music I'd been embarrassed to admit to). And omg kids running riot in the cinema. I mean it's not a rule, but does it really hurt to not bring your wild toddlers to a 12 screening and not let them climb all over strangers' seats? It's not a creche.
So you're not alone. It's really hard to just deal with it when it's a lot of times a day.
Maybe it is petty, but it's not something that's conscious I don't think. I think it's because we notice detail. And besides, other people think they're better than anyone else by flaunting those rules. That's really infuriating, especially when it's a safety issue.
Yes, all that. Noticing details that don't fit into the pattern is one thing, and a potential strength. However, we may also concentrate on 'negatives' and flaws more than NTs, something which can be also be a cognitive effect of low mood.
I also have to resist an pedantic urge to correct people's use of language, even if it's clear. That's something that surely has nothing to do with consideration or safety, and just makes me a reasonable proof-reader. For example, that thing of using 'flaunt' when 'flout' is obviously meant. By the way, did you know that you can edit your own messages on this forum for several days after they've been posted? You can also ignore anything I say, or tell me to eff off.
I did not know, now I going to look into it.