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Question for adults with ASD/Aspergers

NAS38574

Hi Everyone,

thank you so much for reading this.

im in a great dilemma and it’s been in my head since last night and I’m trying to work out if other ppl feel the same way.

i have an urge to correct ppl.

for example it’s been very dry, it sais everywhere no bbq in local parks yet ppl still do it. I got in a argument with these 2 group if foreign ppl because I ask them whether they don’t read the signs posted everywhere in the park or don’t watch tv as it’s been prohibited to bbq any public parks even if it’s been allowed previously due to the dry weather.

again they threatened me, I called the police, etc...

i juat can’t keep my mouth shut, if someone doing something wrong I get pissed off.

i get so wound up about people Parking on the double yellow by my son’s school I have been bugging the Council for months to monitor and ticket them.

i also suffer from chronic depression and anxiety disorder.

whT I’m trying to work out as I’m doing so CBT cognitive behavioural therapy is that I get wound up because of my anxiety or my Aspergers.

is it normal I feel like that?

does other ppl do it or it’s just me?

also my 5 yr old son has Aspergers too and he is the same, he can’t stop telling kids off if they doing something wrong and he even tells adults. I have to tell him it’s not his place. But I’m wondering if he picked it up from me or it’s just part of how our brain works.

my therapists said we like rules because that’s how the world make sense. Agreed

so when someone breaks those rules I get angry because I’m frustrated with the lack of certainty.

i don’t know if any of this makes any sense to others but I hope I can get some answers.

thank you so much in advance 

Reni

  • in reply to Rip Van Wrinkle

    Thank you so much Alice!

  • Hi and welcome Reni. I am the same. I get so incensed by people breaking safety rules that I never bothered to learn to drive! I have to wear headphones and ignore what other people do even on public transport! 

  • in reply to NAS38574

    I'm sorry I can't help, because I do continue thinking about people's behaviour afterwards. I don't often have the courage to say anything about it at the time, but will sometimes do something about it myself if possible. (for example, picking up other people's litter.) Sadly, my expectations of other people's behaviour have lowered over the years.

    After a really embarrassing incident, such as the one I described, I tend to blame myself for not reacting like everyone else. But, although I cringe to remember it, at the back of my mind a small., stubborn voice is saying "yes, but he should have bought a ticket".

  • in reply to Misheard Lyrics

    Omg!

    thats such a great example.

    how did you learn to ignore ppl behaviour yet not going on and on about it for ages thinking why ppl do this, that????

  • in reply to Cassandro

    Awwww, interesting point. Yes my social skills are quite poor, I don’t think I can do polite, I’m more sarcastic. Example, with barbecue:

    did you not see the sign by the park entrance or you don’t watch TV?!

    there are no bbq permitted due to the dry weather.

    my concerns are the lack of responsibility ppl take for there actions. 

    When they cause grief to ppl with poor driving, etc my issues are safety. 

    When you point there mistakes out, instead of saying , I do apologise, they get defensive, arrogant, rude, threatening.

    im trying to ignore it, but I end up going on and on about it for days!

    I’ve been Struggling with social situations all my life, but I thought I’m just weird until my best friend pointed out that different people see that exact same situation differently and she has been desensitising me ever since!

  • I don't often confront people about heir rule breaking, because I know that it doesn't usually do much good, but I've sometimes got myself into a difficult situation by assuming that other people are obeying them.

    Some years ago, long before I began to suspect I was autistic, I was on an overcrowded train sitting near the toilets.There were several other people in the same area, then one man stood up. gave us all a meaningful look which I was unable to interpret, and went into the loo. Shortly afterwards, the ticket inspector arrived, checked all our tickets and was about to move on. I helpfully (as I thought) told him that he hadn't checked the ticket of the man in the toilet. Turns out he didn't have one. and I was genuinely shocked.

    He was led off, and all the other people around gave me unfriendly looks and found somewhere else to sit. It was one of those situations where no amount of explanation can atone for what you just did, because no one believes you.

  • Hi Reni

    Welcome to the forums. Please do join in wherever you feel like.

    I can relate a bit to what you say. I have more than once asked people to take their feet off seats on trains, and point out to cyclists on pavements that cycling on pavements is illegal and can scare pedestrians. I don't recall ever telling anyone off for a barbecue, but there have been a lot of grass fires near me recently, and this will be an increasing worry. (Some places I've seen park keepers turn up in their buggy and turn the inbuilt hose straight on the fire - maybe a satisfying part of that job!)

    However, with me, it's not all rules by any means, but only those that I can see the reason for. 'Feet on seats' is a minor thing, admittedly, but it's something about the general lack of consideration (as is loud music in the same situation). When there's so much else wrong in the world, I worry I'm being petty.

    As well as wanting other people to behave better, do you lack social confidence? Or do you then worry if you've done the right thing? Either way, the confrontation (which I try to make as polite as possible if I've time) can add to anxiety.

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