Living in two worlds


I currently feel as though I am living in two worlds, and am not sure whether this is my ASD, something everyone does, or just something completely different and I would really like to know if other people also do this.

When I am alone, usually in my bedroom but also at other times, I have conversations with people who I know in my 'real world'. These conversations can be spoken out loud or in my head and can be practising for a meeting or interaction I will have with them in the future (like answering questions I think they might ask), thinking about what went wrong in a conversation/interaction I've had with them previously, or because I need to share feelings or something that has happened. This imaginary world includes only people who I like, see often and have some trust in and I know that they are not really there. It sort of feels like like a safer version of the real world, and I hate having to come out of it and back into reality. In this imaginary world, when I am talking about feelings, they are often things that I would not be able tell the real person, but still feel calmer having imagined speaking with them about it. I currently feel very out of place in the real world, and feel like it is collapsing and out of control. Whenever I have to do something for real, like go to work or an appointment, I feel extremely anxious and as though the real world is dragging me across the most painful floor ever made so I am wondering whether this might be a way for my brain to cope with pressure and stress. I am a very reluctant participator of the real world and I wonder whether my increasing withdrawal from what is happening in reality into a world that just includes people I trust and like might just be a coping mechanism or a way to have some control and feel a little bit safer.

 I do not do this all the time and also engage with my interests, so maybe it's just another tool my brain uses, but do it at least once a day. I am currently working with someone to understand my emotions and brain a bit better and I kind of want to tell her, but I am not sure whether it would be a good idea. Especially as she is one of the people I imagine talking to and also because I think I quite like having somewhere safe to practice and talk safely. 

I feel like it is very difficult to explain exactly, but it is something that is happening more and I would be very happy to hear whether other people with ASD have similar experiences to this. Thanks.