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Living in two worlds

NAS37595
over 5 years ago

Hello 

I currently feel as though I am living in two worlds, and am not sure whether this is my ASD, something everyone does, or just something completely different and I would really like to know if other people also do this.

When I am alone, usually in my bedroom but also at other times, I have conversations with people who I know in my 'real world'. These conversations can be spoken out loud or in my head and can be practising for a meeting or interaction I will have with them in the future (like answering questions I think they might ask), thinking about what went wrong in a conversation/interaction I've had with them previously, or because I need to share feelings or something that has happened. This imaginary world includes only people who I like, see often and have some trust in and I know that they are not really there. It sort of feels like like a safer version of the real world, and I hate having to come out of it and back into reality. In this imaginary world, when I am talking about feelings, they are often things that I would not be able tell the real person, but still feel calmer having imagined speaking with them about it. I currently feel very out of place in the real world, and feel like it is collapsing and out of control. Whenever I have to do something for real, like go to work or an appointment, I feel extremely anxious and as though the real world is dragging me across the most painful floor ever made so I am wondering whether this might be a way for my brain to cope with pressure and stress. I am a very reluctant participator of the real world and I wonder whether my increasing withdrawal from what is happening in reality into a world that just includes people I trust and like might just be a coping mechanism or a way to have some control and feel a little bit safer.

 I do not do this all the time and also engage with my interests, so maybe it's just another tool my brain uses, but do it at least once a day. I am currently working with someone to understand my emotions and brain a bit better and I kind of want to tell her, but I am not sure whether it would be a good idea. Especially as she is one of the people I imagine talking to and also because I think I quite like having somewhere safe to practice and talk safely. 

I feel like it is very difficult to explain exactly, but it is something that is happening more and I would be very happy to hear whether other people with ASD have similar experiences to this. Thanks.

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    I ‘talk’ to my support worker all the time when she’s not there. It can be through writing or speaking in my head or out loud. She knows I do this, it’s extremely helpful. If I were to simply write out what I was thinking etc, it doesnt have as much power and clarity as when I’m writing to my support worker. I rarely send her what I write but I do sometimes. She has recently moved jobs so she’s no longer my support worker but she has given me her new work number and has told me that she would like to keep in touch with me but that I am also welcome to continue to message her ~ she knows how important this is to me and how much it helps, I’m sure she never understands any of  what I’m talking about  Lol! My writings to her don’t need replies, but it’s really helpful to me to have somebody who I can actually send my writings to when I need to as well but just keeping them to myself helps just as much. 

    I have the exact same experiences as you and I used to think I was living in two worlds but since yesterday, I no longer live in two worlds, my world has somehow mingled in with the so called ‘real’ world and made one! I’m going to see where I did my writing yesterday and post it on here as it might help others. 

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    I ‘talk’ to my support worker all the time when she’s not there. It can be through writing or speaking in my head or out loud. She knows I do this, it’s extremely helpful. If I were to simply write out what I was thinking etc, it doesnt have as much power and clarity as when I’m writing to my support worker. I rarely send her what I write but I do sometimes. She has recently moved jobs so she’s no longer my support worker but she has given me her new work number and has told me that she would like to keep in touch with me but that I am also welcome to continue to message her ~ she knows how important this is to me and how much it helps, I’m sure she never understands any of  what I’m talking about  Lol! My writings to her don’t need replies, but it’s really helpful to me to have somebody who I can actually send my writings to when I need to as well but just keeping them to myself helps just as much. 

    I have the exact same experiences as you and I used to think I was living in two worlds but since yesterday, I no longer live in two worlds, my world has somehow mingled in with the so called ‘real’ world and made one! I’m going to see where I did my writing yesterday and post it on here as it might help others. 

Children
  • over 5 years ago in reply to Deleted user

    Hi BlueRay

    Thank you for your reply! It sounds as though your support worker has been very good for you, I hope mine would do the same if she changes jobs, but I feel like she wouldn't. Can I ask whether anything happened to make your worlds combine yesterday (you don't need to at all)? Is it likely that mine would? I would definitely like to see your writing. I have not met many other people with ASD (that I know of) so it is very helpful for me to know that I am not alone with my experiences!