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Teenager feeling behind in life

sapphic_disaster

Hi, I'm 16 and was recently diagnosed with autism having prevsoily been diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia at 5. My mum has had suspicions since 6/7. Anyways, I've recently started sixth form and I've made zero friends making me feel isolated and unlovable. At my previous school I had a great group of friends but the enviromoent to make friends here t isn't rly compatible with my sensory needs. this has only added to my feelings of being behind in life- no first kiss, *** at make-up, no parties or anything else associated with the typical teenage experience such as reading festival. While I'm aware that those activates would be painful and a sensory overload I still feel left out and falling behind. Can anyone else relate? 

  • Hi, I’m recently 17 and relate to you completely. I left school back in 2021 after getting super anxious and depressed after lockdown. I shut my life down completely and pushed my friends away. I’m now so much happier and more confident in myself, and I feel ready to be ‘a normal teenager’ but really I couldn’t be. I’m now doing my alevels online as I did my GCSE’s, and I just wish I could be in sixth form, going to parties and having my first kiss, but I tried the smallest sixth form and only lasted three days. It’s so unfair because I feel like I’m ready to do these things, but at the same time i know I’m not and I know that I would hate it all. It’s horrible feeling left out but not being anywhere near able to join in, and not knowing if it’s really what I want.

    The other night my next door neighbor had a Halloween house party and it was so loud and in my face. It was awful and I felt so lonely and angry with my situation. It has really affected me as I have been feeling sad and being ‘normal’ is all I can think about.

    Half of me knows that my life is good and what I can cope with, and I am working on making it bigger, but the other half of me is desperately struggling with being so lonely.

    But I know from hearing stories and from knowing myself that this won’t last forever. And that my time will come to go to parties and have a boyfriend, it’s just not now. I don’t think I’m meant to be a teenager and soon I won’t be.

    Sorry this isn’t helpful at all but it’s nice to know that others feel the same.

  • I just wanted to say that I remember those days too. I'm 41 now, but I clearly remember when I started university feeling the same as you do - before then I had a reasonably stable lifestyle, then suddenly I was on my own in a brand new environment and felt completely lost. What I also wanted to say was that I can understand the peer pressure you might be feeling, but please don't feel you need to match it. I learned only last year that I don't need to match what other people are doing to feel good about myself. I also thought that to "fit in" I would need to meet lots of people, drink alcohol, go out in the evenings, etc. The problem is I enjoyed none of that - I just wanted 1 or 2 close friends and to do things at my own pace doing the things I enjoyed, not what I felt I had to do.

    You said you had a group of friends before you started sixth form, are you still in contact with them? Making new friends is hard (though not impossible) and will probably take longer than you think, so in the meantime if you were able to stay in contact with your existing friends you might feel better. It won't be exactly the same, but don't underestimate how important existing friendships are.

  • Hi, I’m 20 years older than you, but I relate with what you described, in my teens. I have tried to make some friends but always failed. Teachers suggested my mom that I might be autistic, but she ignored and denied that. Just around half year ago I found the explanation to the struggles I had in my life, especially youth. I also felt left behind, excluded, I often had a feeling that I’m kinda slightly disabled, unable to communicate with my peers, but willing to discus serious topics with adults or spend time in library. I was often bullied and depressed. I thought I was inferior to others. Things started changing when I became adult and started being more independent. I decided I don’t have to be like others, it’s a long journey and long story. Generally I can say - I decided if my environment does not accept me who I am, then let’s change the environment. It wasn’t quick and easy but I’m lucky to be successful in this matter. It’s hard work on both - finding your place in life and also working on yourself. Self awareness is very important. 
    the teen years always remain in my memory as difficult and traumatic. The only thing I miss from that period is the intensity of my experience. On one hand there were and still are sensory sensitivities, especially with noise and lights but there was also unique depth, synesthesia and generally my own vast inner world. I think Iost the ability to experience as deeply as before. Or maybe my impression.