Published on 12, July, 2020
This is quite a broad subject and there is a lot of information available on this nowadays in the form of books and video.
However, I'm unable to access these due to an inability to read factual matter nowadays (I've tried 2 books on autism and gave up on both) and I simply can't process the spoken word properly.
So part of the reason for this thread is to learn from others.
It's not exclusively for women to post here.
It was sparked by comments on another thread about beauty and people's perception of how a 'beautiful' woman should behave.
I've had a disagreement with another member here before who felt that an autistic woman who was attractive could just dress a certain way and the men would follow.
However, my personal experiences of this is very different.
I don't want to make this introduction too wordy but I'm hoping that others here will want to contribute.
Women present differently to men and I read on this forum quite a lot of comments (based on incorrect assumptions) that appertain to men, not women.
'The different way in which girls and women present under the following headings have been identified below; social understanding, social communication, social imagination which is highly associated with routines, rituals and special interests. Some examples are:
The presence of repetitive behaviour and special interests is part of the diagnostic criteria for an autism spectrum disorder. This is a crucial area in which the male stereotype of autism has clouded the issue in diagnosing girls and women.'
https://autismhampshire.org.uk/about-autism/women-and-girls-on-the-autism-spectrum
Anyone with thoughts on having children.
I reckon that it's probably less likely (possibly a lot less) that autistic women do.
I didn't and now, retrospectively, and especially with my awareness of my autism, I could give a fairly good anaylsis of why.
I have two children, long before diagnosis or before women where recognised as being able to have autism. Looking back on it now, I realise how overwhelmed I was not helped by having serious undiagnosed post natal depression and an abusive and controlling partner who I was never good enough for.
But I wonder if its harder for autistic women to ask for help and recieve it? As a woman of child bearing age, we have our bodies messed up with hormones from contraceptives, we're more likely to be anaemic and have low levels of vitamin B12, both of which will make you feel tired, increase brain fog and general ability to cope. Our own hormones can mess us up too, causing huge mood swings, not having had to worry about anything like that for a good few years now, I can only say that it's a massive relief. I understand that contraceptive services and options have got worse since I was a young woman and getting to actually speak to someone about how you feel and what your options are is really difficult. Just because you're of child bearing age, dosen't mean that anything going on with you health wise is gynaecological and I suspect many are afraid of the runaway train that can be mental health services.
I have two kids and honestly I can barely function. I'm undiagnosed. But I really struggle with the sensory overload, emotional regulation, and being unable to look after myself in the way I used to pre kids when overwhelmed (retreat to silent bedroom, have long sleeps, do whatever I want). I didn't have kids until mid 30s, I thought I would cope because I'm a teacher, love kids, am quite childlike, feel like I understand children really well.... nope. They are so flipping unpredictable, illogical (to me), changeable, creatures it's so much harder than teaching them to read and write all day then handing them back to their parents when they're tired.
I would love children but honestly at times I can hardly look after myself and that's physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel like I would be an amazing mum. I'm good with children, I'm very childlike and children like me and we have a lot of fun together - when I'm with my sisters children I play with them and have as much fun as they do... but pressures of real life hit me for six and I'm unable to cope a lot of the time.
There's also not a lot of support for autistic people and this includes autistic parents. I read a very sad news story recently (TRIGGER WARNING SUICIDE) about a young autistic mother who had a child and wasn't coping and their strategy, rather than helping was to remove the child from her and she ended up committing suicide because the proper support and help wasn't there.
I really felt for her.
So I would love to be a mum and I think I would be a good parent. In the past I briefly worked with young children and I coped better than I thought I would. But autism has many struggles and challenges and balancing all that whilst trying to look after a child as well is something I'm pretty sure I couldn't do.
Sadly I don't ever see me being able to do this and that's such a shame because I've always wanted children. I couldn't adopt either as I've been detained to hospital in the past, during my late teens and the rules are very strict about it.
I have a daughter. It’s hard. I love her and I can’t say I regret having her, but I would appreciate if I knew the challenges in advance. Well I already forgot how much I suffered in school. Now as she is growing up she reminds me about it. I’m happy I found out before I agreed to second child. That would make me crazy for sure. One child is manageable, but it’s challenging especially if I get dizzy overwhelmed from something from outside and I have to do both - soothe myself, calm down and at the same time look after her. My best friends - earplugs help me a lot. Last time I had such a situation in the emergency room. There was one child screaming a lot. Of course I’m not angry at the child. It’s normal, children cry and scream but for me it was super irritating, stressful and I had to put extra effort to stay silent and be with my daughter. Stimming helped me I did some rocking and covered my ears. It was much easier. Thank goodness I found space where no one stared at me stimming. So my opinion about having children is that: who wants, who can - yes! Have them. But I don’t like when someone is trying to convince me or others generally that everyone should have children. It’s not to you of course, but generally. There are many ways of enjoying life. Plus having child equals much less time for hobbies and interests.