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Singing assemblies

NAS84520

I'm looking for advice for my 8yo daughter.

She is currently on the ASD pathway, and really struggles with singing and 'calming' music. She has been allowed to stay out of singing assemblies for over a year, but school have now implemented singing into every assembly. School are insisting that she needs to go into these assemblies as "In life things will happen that she needs to get used to"....

She becomes instantly distressed with these songs, and will sit with her in-ear plugs in, and her hands on her ears and cry throughout the whole singing part. As she has no formal diagnosis yet, I'm struggling to get the SENCO on board to keep her out of these assemblies, or to allow her to leave when songs start.

Any advice on my next steps?

Thanks in advance!

  • Thanks everyone... I have managed to speak to the head teacher about it. She was extremely supportive and has now moved the song to the end of assembly so that my daughter can remove herself if needed. She even gave her and her teacher a heads up on Fri so she could escape before the singing started.

  • On the one hand they might be right. In life you can't avoid noisy environments 100%. However the answer is clearly not to just leave her to cope with this on her own. There needs to be a concerted and planed effort to help her develop coping strategies for this. Things that spring to mind include.

    • noise canceling headphones instead of earplugs (much better at drowning out sound)
    • A seat at the back of the room next to a reassuring teacher
    • No expectation for her to stand and join with singing.

  • When my daughter was in high school, and before we’d been referred for an assessment, the SEND department had a profile made up for her, detailing what she likes, and what she struggles with while in school. A lot of small adjustments were made because they wanted her to be as comfortable as possible, in order to be able to keep learning. 
    Speak to the department again, and make it clear that she should be allowed to sit out of assembly, especially while singing is in progress. Explain that it disrupts her learning for the remainder of the day  and leaves her in a high state of anxiety (whether it does or not!). Meanwhile, speak to your GP and/or school nurse, who might be able to sway the decision.

  • in reply to NAS84520

    Oh no, that really is awkward!

    Could she stay with you during the assemblies?

    I work at my eldest son's school so he generally hides in my office if he is feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

  • in reply to Martin

    Thanks for your input, I will try speaking to CYPS tomorrow and see if they will advise school! If not I will try GP route...

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I also work in the school which is making it extremely awkward! They are every morning, so I can't take her in late due to my start time too. I'm going to phone CYPS tomorrow and see if they can advise school as they are ignoring what I have said...

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    Completely agree with Autonomistic. I would take my child in late or collect him early if he was getting so distressed. My son had issues with the indoor PE lessons as the noise in the hall was so loud. School arranged for him and another student to do an activity outside or in the smaller hall instead. This started before he had his official diagnosis of autism so they can implement changes without the official diagnosis. It should be about support the child's needs, not waiting for someone to put a label on it.

  • The school are not being understanding at all. If it is autistic sensory distress then it is not something that she can 'get used to'. The more she is exposed to the noise that triggers the strong emotional reactions the worse those reactions are likely to become. I agree with Martin that what the school are proposing is akin to sensory torture for your daughter.

    If she is forced to attend you could be in a school refusal situation shortly, as she associates attending school with this sensory trauma. You may find it helpful to watch this video about school refusal from an autistic perspective. 

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg

    It might also be useful for you to look into Misophonia, an emotional reaction to specific sound triggers. Many autistic people suffer these reactions but non autistic people can also suffer from it. 

    Do the assemblies always happen first thing in the morning? If so could you possibly take her in late each day to miss them? Regardless of the attitude of the school your daughter's welfare is the most important thing. Ear plugs won't be enough to block out the noise and her sensory distress may not just be about the noise aspect.

  • You could attempt to get a note from your GP. No school is likely to ignore something like that. It might be worthwhile contacting the school governors or local education authority. The, "In life things will happen that she needs to get used to", response can be countered by the argument that 'sensory torture', which is what your child is suffering, is never going to be eased by repeated exposure. I am autistic and in my 60s, I had a visceral revulsion to touching nylon fabric when I was a child, and I still have the exact same reaction now. If anyone forced me to repeatedly touch nylon, I would regard that as a form of torture as unpleasant to me as being given electrical shocks.