Singing assemblies

It's fascinating to delve into the world of celebrities and discover that many of them are on the spectrum. It's a testament to the diverse and unique qualities that individuals on the spectrum can bring to various fields.

The situation might be such that the distress sitting through assembly is such that it’s just not worth trying to pressure her into doing that … however the world is full of noisy environments and if a person can’t tolerate them at all it’s going to be very life limiting. No nightclubs, no cinema, no noisy workplaces, most public transport can be noisy at times.

so if it’s possible it’d be far better to learn early on ways to handle noisy environments because there is no practical way to make these noisy environments quiet. If the only option is avoiding noisy places it’ll limit a persons social life and work life sevearly

Thanks everyone... I have managed to speak to the head teacher about it. She was extremely supportive and has now moved the song to the end of assembly so that my daughter can remove herself if needed. She even gave her and her teacher a heads up on Fri so she could escape before the singing started.

Yes you can you can walk away. It is actually abusive making her do this. As an adult we can walk away, she should be allowed to miss these assembles 

On the one hand they might be right. In life you can't avoid noisy environments 100%. However the answer is clearly not to just leave her to cope with this on her own. There needs to be a concerted and planed effort to help her develop coping strategies for this. Things that spring to mind include.

• noise canceling headphones instead of earplugs (much better at drowning out sound)
• A seat at the back of the room next to a reassuring teacher
• No expectation for her to stand and join with singing.

This is so wrong and cruel of the school. 

In life yes these things happen, but as an adult autistic, if something is making me so uncomfortable I need to protect myself and walk away from it. As an adult I have that freedom. 

So what the school is saying is not helpful at all, and is not in any shape or form preparing her for adult life. 

It is forcing her to do something that is traumatic for her. That is cruel. I happen to like singing and music. 

But if I was being forced into an uncomfortable situation maybe very loud music that was sore to my ears, but they said that I must remain and listen knowing that it was causing me upset I would say that that could be viewed as abuse. She must never be forced into anything that causes her great distress at all, as that kind of force is a type of abuse. 

I would explain to them that that is what it is. 

It is the same as being made to sit beside someone who constantly prods your arm with a pen, I am guessing they would remove and save her from that! yet this situation with the music is causing her distress and sensory overload and is just as cruel as being prodded with a pen in ones arm. Same thing. 

I hope this helps in explaining why it is wrong to the school. This will be too traumatic to her. 

She might be pitch perfect which means those singing out of tune will deeply traumatise her. 

When my daughter was in high school, and before we’d been referred for an assessment, the SEND department had a profile made up for her, detailing what she likes, and what she struggles with while in school. A lot of small adjustments were made because they wanted her to be as comfortable as possible, in order to be able to keep learning. 
Speak to the department again, and make it clear that she should be allowed to sit out of assembly, especially while singing is in progress. Explain that it disrupts her learning for the remainder of the day  and leaves her in a high state of anxiety (whether it does or not!). Meanwhile, speak to your GP and/or school nurse, who might be able to sway the decision.

Oh no, that really is awkward!

Could she stay with you during the assemblies?

I work at my eldest son's school so he generally hides in my office if he is feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

Thanks for your input, I will try speaking to CYPS tomorrow and see if they will advise school! If not I will try GP route...

I also work in the school which is making it extremely awkward! They are every morning, so I can't take her in late due to my start time too. I'm going to phone CYPS tomorrow and see if they can advise school as they are ignoring what I have said...

Completely agree with Autonomistic. I would take my child in late or collect him early if he was getting so distressed. My son had issues with the indoor PE lessons as the noise in the hall was so loud. School arranged for him and another student to do an activity outside or in the smaller hall instead. This started before he had his official diagnosis of autism so they can implement changes without the official diagnosis. It should be about support the child's needs, not waiting for someone to put a label on it.

The school are not being understanding at all. If it is autistic sensory distress then it is not something that she can 'get used to'. The more she is exposed to the noise that triggers the strong emotional reactions the worse those reactions are likely to become. I agree with Martin that what the school are proposing is akin to sensory torture for your daughter.

If she is forced to attend you could be in a school refusal situation shortly, as she associates attending school with this sensory trauma. You may find it helpful to watch this video about school refusal from an autistic perspective. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg

It might also be useful for you to look into Misophonia, an emotional reaction to specific sound triggers. Many autistic people suffer these reactions but non autistic people can also suffer from it. 

Do the assemblies always happen first thing in the morning? If so could you possibly take her in late each day to miss them? Regardless of the attitude of the school your daughter's welfare is the most important thing. Ear plugs won't be enough to block out the noise and her sensory distress may not just be about the noise aspect.

You could attempt to get a note from your GP. No school is likely to ignore something like that. It might be worthwhile contacting the school governors or local education authority. The, "In life things will happen that she needs to get used to", response can be countered by the argument that 'sensory torture', which is what your child is suffering, is never going to be eased by repeated exposure. I am autistic and in my 60s, I had a visceral revulsion to touching nylon fabric when I was a child, and I still have the exact same reaction now. If anyone forced me to repeatedly touch nylon, I would regard that as a form of torture as unpleasant to me as being given electrical shocks.