Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm looking for advice for my 8yo daughter.
She is currently on the ASD pathway, and really struggles with singing and 'calming' music. She has been allowed to stay out of singing assemblies for over a year, but school have now implemented singing into every assembly. School are insisting that she needs to go into these assemblies as "In life things will happen that she needs to get used to"....
She becomes instantly distressed with these songs, and will sit with her in-ear plugs in, and her hands on her ears and cry throughout the whole singing part. As she has no formal diagnosis yet, I'm struggling to get the SENCO on board to keep her out of these assemblies, or to allow her to leave when songs start.
Any advice on my next steps?
Thanks in advance!
The school are not being understanding at all. If it is autistic sensory distress then it is not something that she can 'get used to'. The more she is exposed to the noise that triggers the strong emotional reactions the worse those reactions are likely to become. I agree with Martin that what the school are proposing is akin to sensory torture for your daughter.
If she is forced to attend you could be in a school refusal situation shortly, as she associates attending school with this sensory trauma. You may find it helpful to watch this video about school refusal from an autistic perspective.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg
It might also be useful for you to look into Misophonia, an emotional reaction to specific sound triggers. Many autistic people suffer these reactions but non autistic people can also suffer from it.
Do the assemblies always happen first thing in the morning? If so could you possibly take her in late each day to miss them? Regardless of the attitude of the school your daughter's welfare is the most important thing. Ear plugs won't be enough to block out the noise and her sensory distress may not just be about the noise aspect.
I also work in the school which is making it extremely awkward! They are every morning, so I can't take her in late due to my start time too. I'm going to phone CYPS tomorrow and see if they can advise school as they are ignoring what I have said...
Oh no, that really is awkward!
Could she stay with you during the assemblies?
I work at my eldest son's school so he generally hides in my office if he is feeling overwhelmed or anxious.