problems after restraint

Thankfully "corporal punishment" is now illegal in this country but if David Cameron gets his way I fear that a great many children who have difficulties are going to be at risk as he seems determined to allow teachers to use "force" yet reluctant to define in clear terms what is "excessive" force.

What you endured as a child David clearly stayed with you, and that is my fear for my son. Two years on, he has nightmares and begs not to have to go to school.

I think that although he is not with those people that he percieved hurt him in the classroom, the fact that they are still working there and he sees them every day must be horrific for him.

I will not rest until these child abusers are brought to justice because that is what I believe they are. Not teacher but child abusers and they are not fit to look after any child, never mind a child who has disabilities.

I just cannot understand why we are being left to fight without help and suppport.

I had a gym Master who in my first secondary school for the first two years slippered us and slapped us.

In my second secondary school he came to as the first school closed down and he was told not to hit the boys.

However there was only one incident he hit me in my second school.

I remember having a fight with my Gym Master in the Changing room although it was about forty years ago.

He laughted off the incident and told the depeuty Head Master that he was restraining me.

I was told by other people that I could be prosecuted for defending myself against lawful corporal punishment.  No teacher could use that arguement today but I could still have been convicted  as the law stands now as he said he was restraining me not punishing me.

After I left the school I learned that master made a habbit of attacking boys in the changing room without leaving a mark on them.

My Gym Masters version is probably incorrect but I have to admit that there is a slight chance he was restraining me.

The School took no action against either of us.

I could have been prosecuted for assaulting my Gym Master and I probably would have had a criminal record as in those days the teacher was always right.

I have Asperger Syndrome so I do not think I would be good at defending myself in Court.

David

Not allowed to put surname although the Gym Master is probably not alive and if he were he would be over eighty.

Anyway it does not matter anymore if I really was restrained.

Dionsmum, I sympathise with you and your sons situation and my heart goes out to you.

I have a son with epilepsy and autism. He has found school a difficult place and two years ago, we made the heartbreaking decision to place him in a "special school" and swapped education for support. The new school was brand new and state of the art It seemed amazing with every conceiveable facility. He was 11 years old and small for his age, had severe communication and language problems and so many anxieties that made his life extremely difficult. That said, he is one of the most caring and loving well behaved children you could ever imagine- a real sweetheart.

We met with the school on numerous occassions and told them what soothed him and what didnt. We feel that we really went out of our way to give them as much information as possible. We were specific about no shouting or any kind of harsh treatment and we were assured that they knew what they were doing.

My son was there 6 weeks with a "supply teacher" without incident and was then moved into the "enhanced support area" which we were told gave him even more support as the staff were specially trained to care for children with communication difficulties and autism. These classes have no more than 6 kids with a class teacher and two special needs auxilliaries- on paper it's a dream come true!

On the very first day there were problems, and to cut a long story short (er) my small 11 year old was held face down on the floor by FOUR teachers where they said he "urinated out of protest". His upper arms were severely bruised and he was inconsolable when he got him home. The deputy head said my son had "an outburst" after crashing into some chairs in a gym hall on a bike (that he should never have been on as he didnt have the muscle tone in his legs to ride the darn thing anyway)

On the second day, a similar "outburst" happened but they claim they did not have him in any kind of "hold"

On the third day, after I called them to see how his day was going, I was informed that there had been "more of the same" but I was not to worry they could "handle it"

That afternoon, my son came home, with an ashen waxy complexion and his lips were blue. He had urinated (again) and begged me not to send him back. As i ran him a bath, I took off his school shirt and was horrified to see the state of his little body. He was covered in bruises and his chest was purple! He basically collapsed in my arms.

He was hospitalised and the doctors said he had internal bleeding consistent with having been held with force on a hard surface (ie face down on the floor as the school had admitted that day- again!) He had 63 bruises in total.

The school claim they acted properly and used "CALM" they claim my child was agressive and violent (we had never seen this previously) They claimed that they acted this way to prevent injury to themselves and others.

Despite the DOCTORS reporting the matter to Police and Child Protection, NOTHING was done about it. No disciplinary action against the four teachers resposnible was ever taken and as our Deputy Head was on the Child Protection panel, nothing was done about it either.

The police said there was "no intent" so again did nothing about it.

We had no idea the school used restraint, we were not told about this and it was only after the incidents that they demanded we signed a "Physical intervention consent form". We refused so they excluded our son from school for ten days until we did sign it!

They demanded we attend school every two weeks for "a chat" which we did for over a year but it was a waste of time because they twisted everything we said and kept inaccurate "minutes" so I stopped going.

Almost TWO YEARS later, my now 13 year old still has nightmares about it and hates school, but although they moved him class, he still sees those responsible every day- we have no option as there is no alternative schooling for him. It breaks my heart!

I cannot tell you how many organisations I have spoken to about this, and they are all very sympathetic but no one seems to have any powers or advocacy to offer us. I feel as if no one cares. After all, it's an autistic child, he is disabled- he has no voice- he doesnt matter.

Our only option is to take legal action ourselves, but its a long slow proccess. So far the council have ignored the lawyers letters and it does seem as if we have no choice but to take the matter to court.

I cannot believe that there are laws against child abuse in this country yet in our case, it doesnt matter- we are nothing. If I had done this to my child I would be thrown in Jail, but because it was TEACHERS it seems as if it's ok. WHY? It feels wrong on so many levels.

How did you get on with your case? I would be interested to hear from you.

Hello

I hope you don't mind, but I've moved your discussion over to Parents and carers as that seemed more appropriate and hopefully more interested people will find it here. Thanks.

Sandra - mod

Hi, i know what you are saying about no trust in those looking after him and you end up feeling guilty sending them there and a ball of anxiety yourself wondering what is next, not to mention the heart wrenching you go through seeing them deteriorate.

I think you are doing the right thing easing him v.gently back in. Have you thought of putting your request for the incident report in writing and copying the supervising education body in plus mentioning all the info you have provided and asking for a response explaining why it is not utilised. Explain what you have said about how it is affecting him mentally and with the loss of respite affecting the quality of life of you both. The NAS helpline can also give great advice about these kind of problems. 

Keep going and you wil get there.

Best wishes

thanks for your advice mhairi, dion will be starting back at school on april 19th for 2 hours a day 2 days a week. i am going to be in the school while he is there but not in the class. i am hoping we can build him up slowly and hopefully increase this as the weeks go on. he has been at this school for 10 years and that i think is why i have been so shocked by what has happened. because of dions developmental delay he would not really understand a letter of apology and i think his lack of understanding has made the situation more difficult. i myself still havent seen him have a complete meltdown and go into "crisis" i think the psyciatrist called it. whenever he starts i have always been able to calm him down. i have noticed with dion that these episodes tend to start when he is happy but then he seems to get too happy and over excited, then he starts to do things like hit himself or tell me he is going to kick, it is usually at this level i can still manage to distract and calm him. i have told his school all the signs and given them all sorts of things that i know will calm him but they never seem to try these things until it is too late. the psyciatrist seems to think that he is now having meltdowns because of the 1st restraint they did and said that they are responsible for this, i have asked at 3 meetings for a copy of the incident report for the 1st restraint but they seem to have misplaced it. part of me wants to keep him home with me all the time because i have lost all faith in these other people that should be caring for my son but i know that he must mix and socialise so he can overcome these problems. now he no longer has his family link respite he is with me 24 hours a day and as a single parent i am finding this difficult. i love him so much and it hurts me to see him so anxious and so isolated.         tracey

Hi

I can totally relate to what you must all be going through. 

We have had 2 years where there was no willingness to understand at school and on many occasions clear cut neglect.  My son changed, with more melt downs, more anxiety/depression, and so on.  We just kept battling with school and struggling on feeling sure it had to get better.  Then we had a further incident that was badly handled, not with restraint but where he was shouted at in his face, infront of the majority of the school when anxious and in pain due to a cut mouth and was told to stop that flapping rubbish by a teacher.  This was all because he had got distracted and wandered back from the toilet taking his time. Had they bothered to find out why he could not speak properly they would have realised he had hurt himself and was v.anxious having a sensitivity to pain and blood.

Since that day, 2 months ago, his meltdowns became almost daily and more and more challenging.  As an example, one time he put his foot in a hot bath saying he needed to be punished and did not deserve to live etc.  Like you, we are in the same situation with holidays where over the last 2 years the people I could leave him with have reduced as his traits and sensitivities are so much more heightened, they needed to be so in tune with the triggers until the point now where it is only me and my husband he can be with in the holidays and I am giving up my job as a result (more pressure). We also felt like our lives were falling apart as it affects everything and everyone.  We are not out of the woods yet but the good news is we have moved on and you will find a way through and come out the other side.  Tough getting there in the mean time though.

We put a complaint in to the Education Office and with their support and that of the specialists such as Ed Psych, SALT, Autism Outreach, Support for Learning at Area level things have moved on with the clear message being it must be a positive environment and minimal or no pressure until he feels "safe" again.  He has had 2 good weeks at school and did his first 2 full days on Thurs and Fri since end of Feb.  I can't honestly say if this school will sustain the support he needs and as a result whether he will continue his education there or not, but if it can help him heal some of the wounds and move on he will be stronger for it in the long run.

Try contacting your Ed Psych direct as they may be able to do some work 1-1 with your son to help him overcome the trauma he has been through and build up resilience and confidence again.  This is what we hope to do after the holidays.

They do not realise the harm and damage they are doing to these young people, it is a crying shame in this day and age.  It is not far short of abuse but at the same time, if this is the only occasion they have got it wrong, they are only human and may well be feeling very remorseful.  Would they do a letter of apology addressed to your son?  Clearly stating they were wrong and how they would like to move forward treating him with respect?

It is hard going but try and stay calm and get a break for yourself when you can, even if a 30 minute drive as I find it clears my head and I can think of the way forward again.

Believe in your instincts.

Best wishes