problems after restraint

Hi

I can totally relate to what you must all be going through. 

We have had 2 years where there was no willingness to understand at school and on many occasions clear cut neglect.  My son changed, with more melt downs, more anxiety/depression, and so on.  We just kept battling with school and struggling on feeling sure it had to get better.  Then we had a further incident that was badly handled, not with restraint but where he was shouted at in his face, infront of the majority of the school when anxious and in pain due to a cut mouth and was told to stop that flapping rubbish by a teacher.  This was all because he had got distracted and wandered back from the toilet taking his time. Had they bothered to find out why he could not speak properly they would have realised he had hurt himself and was v.anxious having a sensitivity to pain and blood.

Since that day, 2 months ago, his meltdowns became almost daily and more and more challenging.  As an example, one time he put his foot in a hot bath saying he needed to be punished and did not deserve to live etc.  Like you, we are in the same situation with holidays where over the last 2 years the people I could leave him with have reduced as his traits and sensitivities are so much more heightened, they needed to be so in tune with the triggers until the point now where it is only me and my husband he can be with in the holidays and I am giving up my job as a result (more pressure). We also felt like our lives were falling apart as it affects everything and everyone.  We are not out of the woods yet but the good news is we have moved on and you will find a way through and come out the other side.  Tough getting there in the mean time though.

We put a complaint in to the Education Office and with their support and that of the specialists such as Ed Psych, SALT, Autism Outreach, Support for Learning at Area level things have moved on with the clear message being it must be a positive environment and minimal or no pressure until he feels "safe" again.  He has had 2 good weeks at school and did his first 2 full days on Thurs and Fri since end of Feb.  I can't honestly say if this school will sustain the support he needs and as a result whether he will continue his education there or not, but if it can help him heal some of the wounds and move on he will be stronger for it in the long run.

Try contacting your Ed Psych direct as they may be able to do some work 1-1 with your son to help him overcome the trauma he has been through and build up resilience and confidence again.  This is what we hope to do after the holidays.

They do not realise the harm and damage they are doing to these young people, it is a crying shame in this day and age.  It is not far short of abuse but at the same time, if this is the only occasion they have got it wrong, they are only human and may well be feeling very remorseful.  Would they do a letter of apology addressed to your son?  Clearly stating they were wrong and how they would like to move forward treating him with respect?

It is hard going but try and stay calm and get a break for yourself when you can, even if a 30 minute drive as I find it clears my head and I can think of the way forward again.

Believe in your instincts.

Best wishes

Hi

I can totally relate to what you must all be going through. 

We have had 2 years where there was no willingness to understand at school and on many occasions clear cut neglect.  My son changed, with more melt downs, more anxiety/depression, and so on.  We just kept battling with school and struggling on feeling sure it had to get better.  Then we had a further incident that was badly handled, not with restraint but where he was shouted at in his face, infront of the majority of the school when anxious and in pain due to a cut mouth and was told to stop that flapping rubbish by a teacher.  This was all because he had got distracted and wandered back from the toilet taking his time. Had they bothered to find out why he could not speak properly they would have realised he had hurt himself and was v.anxious having a sensitivity to pain and blood.

Since that day, 2 months ago, his meltdowns became almost daily and more and more challenging.  As an example, one time he put his foot in a hot bath saying he needed to be punished and did not deserve to live etc.  Like you, we are in the same situation with holidays where over the last 2 years the people I could leave him with have reduced as his traits and sensitivities are so much more heightened, they needed to be so in tune with the triggers until the point now where it is only me and my husband he can be with in the holidays and I am giving up my job as a result (more pressure). We also felt like our lives were falling apart as it affects everything and everyone.  We are not out of the woods yet but the good news is we have moved on and you will find a way through and come out the other side.  Tough getting there in the mean time though.

We put a complaint in to the Education Office and with their support and that of the specialists such as Ed Psych, SALT, Autism Outreach, Support for Learning at Area level things have moved on with the clear message being it must be a positive environment and minimal or no pressure until he feels "safe" again.  He has had 2 good weeks at school and did his first 2 full days on Thurs and Fri since end of Feb.  I can't honestly say if this school will sustain the support he needs and as a result whether he will continue his education there or not, but if it can help him heal some of the wounds and move on he will be stronger for it in the long run.

Try contacting your Ed Psych direct as they may be able to do some work 1-1 with your son to help him overcome the trauma he has been through and build up resilience and confidence again.  This is what we hope to do after the holidays.

They do not realise the harm and damage they are doing to these young people, it is a crying shame in this day and age.  It is not far short of abuse but at the same time, if this is the only occasion they have got it wrong, they are only human and may well be feeling very remorseful.  Would they do a letter of apology addressed to your son?  Clearly stating they were wrong and how they would like to move forward treating him with respect?

It is hard going but try and stay calm and get a break for yourself when you can, even if a 30 minute drive as I find it clears my head and I can think of the way forward again.

Believe in your instincts.

Best wishes