Possible addiction causing meltdown please help

Stop trying to reduce his involvement with gaming. he has a legitimate need for this time. As well as it being a way to occupy time without social exposure, as I think was discussed in more length above, it almost certainly serves to allow him to vent the urge to do violence to those that use his condition to torment him. Can you cut the deal: acess to MW3 for a commitment a, not to bring the simulated violence into his conflict resolution and b, to an hour one or two nights a week to try other hobbies. Consider fishing: soothing natural enviroments, no social interaction required. 

longman said:

Recombinantsocks gives a very positive image, and I would like to believe it is widely possible. It wasn't for me (back in the bad old days before there was a diagnosis, or treatment you'd want to get mixed up with).

i was back in the old days too, i've just recently been diagnosed at 56 so i've experienced life with the condition, but not the explanation, until now. i was bullied at school (beaten up at one point to the point where the police got involved) and i now think this was partly down to me being 'odd'.

I'm slightly intrigued as to whether i was better off without the label and the reasons to lock myself away because you know you are odd. 

For me, the diagnosis is massively empowering and explains why i kept stumbling in social/work life. There are strategies and techniques to learn together with an acceptance that i am different but in no way mentally ill or damaged.

So, my thoughts are from a slightly different angle to some others. 

Another hobby that i have enjoyed along with many others with ASD is photography. Perhaps he could have a camera and learn to manipulate the photos on his computer. This appeals to the geeky side of us, having his own camera and mastering the complexities of all the different controls might intrigue him.

re-strugglingmum's posting. Explore other threads about this sort of thing, and ask more specific questions about safe activities. There is a lot of expertise on here encapsulated in the experience of thousands of parents.

Acting and drama classes are potentially useful, but they are going to be outside his peer group (on one hand he cannot fit in, but he'll be made to feel more excluded by doing something they wouldn't do), which might have made him give up. The other thing is it depends on the drama group - was it too social based? A lot of this nowadays is based around social interaction on the assumption it appeals more to kids, but it wont work well for your son. There are drama groups aimed at helping people on the spectrum, but probably only close to London.

I took art classes, which helped a lot - because they were low key on social interaction and allowed self-expression.

Football, scouts, karate, boy's brigade - all socially intensive. His coordination may not be good. If you are being bullied changing rooms are no joke - they are out of sight of adult supervision for obvious reasons. I agree positive experience with peers could be beneficial; it could also be hell on earth trying to achieve it.

Recombinantsocks gives a very positive image, and I would like to believe it is widely possible. It wasn't for me (back in the bad old days before there was a diagnosis, or treatment you'd want to get mixed up with).

Although good academically I was never able to sustain it and regularly fell behind (I ended up with a PhD). I was collectively bullied from primary school right through to the end, for being "mental", "weird" etc. Eye hand coordination is grim, so tennis was tried but wouldn't work. I couldn't swim (multitasking breathing and strokes). I was useless on a horse - I couldn't get the hang of posting and pushed up when the horse went down (but then the stable instructors to be honest were useless). I tried to learn to ride a bike, coordination again. I explored far and wide on my own from about 9, which provided a basis for observational hobbies, but it was safer then I think, and it also tended to encourage social isolation.

I agree though that directing his studies along a potential interest line will widen his comfort zone. As an adult I take on many specialisms by just learning into them, though there are still blanks where I cannot do. That gave me a career, but it didn't stop me being solitary,.

Hi struggling mum,

computer games provide safe predictable environments for kids. They do appeal more to kids on the spectrum and there a number of older teens and young adults on the site who have come through the addiction and out the other side with varying degrees of success. I hope some of them can chip in as they really have the inside view on your son's world.

I think you are right to be concerned however this is going to be pretty tricky thing to solve.

your son is swept up in two problems. He is becoming a teenager with all of the moody angry behaviour that that entails. He won't do what you want him to do as he will start to assert himself and start making his own decisions. I can imagine now his response to your suggestions of scouts and football etc. he will resist because he will naturally want to rebel against you. . Don't take it personal it's just him developing normally.

secondly, on top of teenage angst, he has been bullied and has ASD. This will reinforce his rebellion as he has had a bad time. 

I spent my teenage years without much of a social life, studying for exams and spending many hours reading. i played tennis at one point, just for fun after school with a best friend - not organised in a social club setting. With his ASD, I doubt that he will want to go in for very organised, social activities, he may not be a very agile child. I also cycled a lot and, in hindsight, i think this is a good pastime for an ASD teenager as i could explore and get exercise and get away from house and parents for good periods of time. He's a bit young for going off too far on his own but in a year or two that might be an option.

I would encourage him to focus on his schoolwork as this is an area where the obsessive nature of an ASD can really pay off! He needs to be in a good school that can inspire and direct him. What is his school like? Are they engaged in helping with his problems?

Thank-you longman for your response. What you say regarding the games offering safety and security in a harsh world makes total sense to me. I also can see his trying to fit in with his peers (joint interest in gaming) when he feels his the only one not playing certain ones.The problem is he does seem to only be interested in violent ones and wishes me to allow him to play adult ones which worries me as the impact these may have on his developing personality. My son has historically been a very popular child, and happiest when with others (a very humorous, loveable child) until this bullying started. We only see the child in question randomly now but whether thats due to police intervention or that he doesn't go out unless unavoidable I'm not sure but I do know its still prominent in his mind. I think he does very much use the games as an escape but now they have taken over to the point he no longer can think of anything else and I think is causing him alot of stress (lack of sleep, frustration etc).

I think your point on considering whats offered as an alternative a very valid one and perhaps where I'm not delivering. Unfortunately thinking outside the box is not a strength of mine. I'd finally saved enough for him to go to acting/drama classes which he showed an interest in when younger but now doesn't want to know. Tried all the common suggestions football, scouts, karate, boys brigade, swimming, music etc but he has no interest. Computer clubs seem to have a minimum age of 14 from what I've found so far. I feel (and could be totally wrong here) that if he had some positive experiences with peers he would gained some confidence back. I just wish I could find what would engage him. I think I have some work to do in understanding what he would find safe and copable interests in conjunction with the technology.

Much appreciated.

Thank-you.

This is a difficult one for most parents.

There is safety and security in certain kinds of activity like computer games. In a very harsh world where he may not be able to socialise properly or be accepted, and may have additional environmental issues, the computer game is an escape, a healing time, a refuge. It might seem reclusive to you, but it might be the only available sanity for him.

Granted there are issues with spending too much time, but that might be ameliorated by finding him options he can better deal with. It is likely he is not going to socialise properly in his teens. During the years when most teenagers rebel by conforming to some youth culture (contradictory really) he will probably be excluded. The bullying could easily be ten times worse.

But I don't think you can predict whether computer games at 11 will somehow become a life pattern. 

But if you want him to have alternatives you need to think about what these are. Until the world changes, if ever - "normal" kids don't usually give "weird" kids an easy time of it. But he might find some close supportive friends. And one way that might happen is if he proves unusually good at computer games - the weird kid with something to offer.

I certainly wouldn't suggest pulling back on the technology to wean him off it. What are you offering instead?  But I'd recommend looking at safe, copable alternatives to provide different ways of spending time.