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Possible addiction causing meltdown please help

struggling mum

Good evening all,

I genuinely hope your all well. I posted before re the rollercoaster ride with my 11 year old son diagnosed last january especially in relation to education and bullying issues. My overwhelming thanks for the replies, I didn't know what to say at the time but found it helpful to know my son and I aren't alone but so sad so many of you have suffered the same as my son.

New issue (or maybe not as links with effects of previous bullying) my son is becoming a recluse. General attitude is that if he's not playing his electronic games he doesn't want to know and gets very angry and frustrated. Tried hard to engage him in other activities giving him a whole range but met with flat refusal.

Its escalated tonight with a meltdown. Basic issue from his side is he wants me to let him play 18 games which I flat refuse. According to him ALL his friends are playing them. Now pretty normal mother son stuff but here's the concern. His confessed this is all he can think about at any time of the day and its even kept him up an entire night. I know from my side its all his talked about, got angry about for a long time now.  

Now I understand the technology is his comfort zone and make as much allowance as I can but feel he's becoming a recluse refusing to do anything else and this worries me. If this is the way it is at 11 what will become of him during his teenage years?

Here's the question - do I pull right back on all technology to lessen this grip on him or what I don't know. I know he suffers anxieties re socialising, trying new things etc but whats the best way forward re time on technology?

Any insights will be gratefully received.

Thank-you.

Parents

  • This is a difficult one for most parents.

    There is safety and security in certain kinds of activity like computer games. In a very harsh world where he may not be able to socialise properly or be accepted, and may have additional environmental issues, the computer game is an escape, a healing time, a refuge. It might seem reclusive to you, but it might be the only available sanity for him.

    Granted there are issues with spending too much time, but that might be ameliorated by finding him options he can better deal with. It is likely he is not going to socialise properly in his teens. During the years when most teenagers rebel by conforming to some youth culture (contradictory really) he will probably be excluded. The bullying could easily be ten times worse.

    But I don't think you can predict whether computer games at 11 will somehow become a life pattern. 

    But if you want him to have alternatives you need to think about what these are. Until the world changes, if ever - "normal" kids don't usually give "weird" kids an easy time of it. But he might find some close supportive friends. And one way that might happen is if he proves unusually good at computer games - the weird kid with something to offer.

    I certainly wouldn't suggest pulling back on the technology to wean him off it. What are you offering instead?  But I'd recommend looking at safe, copable alternatives to provide different ways of spending time.

Reply

  • This is a difficult one for most parents.

    There is safety and security in certain kinds of activity like computer games. In a very harsh world where he may not be able to socialise properly or be accepted, and may have additional environmental issues, the computer game is an escape, a healing time, a refuge. It might seem reclusive to you, but it might be the only available sanity for him.

    Granted there are issues with spending too much time, but that might be ameliorated by finding him options he can better deal with. It is likely he is not going to socialise properly in his teens. During the years when most teenagers rebel by conforming to some youth culture (contradictory really) he will probably be excluded. The bullying could easily be ten times worse.

    But I don't think you can predict whether computer games at 11 will somehow become a life pattern. 

    But if you want him to have alternatives you need to think about what these are. Until the world changes, if ever - "normal" kids don't usually give "weird" kids an easy time of it. But he might find some close supportive friends. And one way that might happen is if he proves unusually good at computer games - the weird kid with something to offer.

    I certainly wouldn't suggest pulling back on the technology to wean him off it. What are you offering instead?  But I'd recommend looking at safe, copable alternatives to provide different ways of spending time.

Children
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