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Possible addiction causing meltdown please help

struggling mum

Good evening all,

I genuinely hope your all well. I posted before re the rollercoaster ride with my 11 year old son diagnosed last january especially in relation to education and bullying issues. My overwhelming thanks for the replies, I didn't know what to say at the time but found it helpful to know my son and I aren't alone but so sad so many of you have suffered the same as my son.

New issue (or maybe not as links with effects of previous bullying) my son is becoming a recluse. General attitude is that if he's not playing his electronic games he doesn't want to know and gets very angry and frustrated. Tried hard to engage him in other activities giving him a whole range but met with flat refusal.

Its escalated tonight with a meltdown. Basic issue from his side is he wants me to let him play 18 games which I flat refuse. According to him ALL his friends are playing them. Now pretty normal mother son stuff but here's the concern. His confessed this is all he can think about at any time of the day and its even kept him up an entire night. I know from my side its all his talked about, got angry about for a long time now.  

Now I understand the technology is his comfort zone and make as much allowance as I can but feel he's becoming a recluse refusing to do anything else and this worries me. If this is the way it is at 11 what will become of him during his teenage years?

Here's the question - do I pull right back on all technology to lessen this grip on him or what I don't know. I know he suffers anxieties re socialising, trying new things etc but whats the best way forward re time on technology?

Any insights will be gratefully received.

Thank-you.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi struggling mum,

    computer games provide safe predictable environments for kids. They do appeal more to kids on the spectrum and there a number of older teens and young adults on the site who have come through the addiction and out the other side with varying degrees of success. I hope some of them can chip in as they really have the inside view on your son's world.

    I think you are right to be concerned however this is going to be pretty tricky thing to solve.

    your son is swept up in two problems. He is becoming a teenager with all of the moody angry behaviour that that entails. He won't do what you want him to do as he will start to assert himself and start making his own decisions. I can imagine now his response to your suggestions of scouts and football etc. he will resist because he will naturally want to rebel against you. . Don't take it personal it's just him developing normally.

    secondly, on top of teenage angst, he has been bullied and has ASD. This will reinforce his rebellion as he has had a bad time. 

    I spent my teenage years without much of a social life, studying for exams and spending many hours reading. i played tennis at one point, just for fun after school with a best friend - not organised in a social club setting. With his ASD, I doubt that he will want to go in for very organised, social activities, he may not be a very agile child. I also cycled a lot and, in hindsight, i think this is a good pastime for an ASD teenager as i could explore and get exercise and get away from house and parents for good periods of time. He's a bit young for going off too far on his own but in a year or two that might be an option.

    I would encourage him to focus on his schoolwork as this is an area where the obsessive nature of an ASD can really pay off! He needs to be in a good school that can inspire and direct him. What is his school like? Are they engaged in helping with his problems?

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi struggling mum,

    computer games provide safe predictable environments for kids. They do appeal more to kids on the spectrum and there a number of older teens and young adults on the site who have come through the addiction and out the other side with varying degrees of success. I hope some of them can chip in as they really have the inside view on your son's world.

    I think you are right to be concerned however this is going to be pretty tricky thing to solve.

    your son is swept up in two problems. He is becoming a teenager with all of the moody angry behaviour that that entails. He won't do what you want him to do as he will start to assert himself and start making his own decisions. I can imagine now his response to your suggestions of scouts and football etc. he will resist because he will naturally want to rebel against you. . Don't take it personal it's just him developing normally.

    secondly, on top of teenage angst, he has been bullied and has ASD. This will reinforce his rebellion as he has had a bad time. 

    I spent my teenage years without much of a social life, studying for exams and spending many hours reading. i played tennis at one point, just for fun after school with a best friend - not organised in a social club setting. With his ASD, I doubt that he will want to go in for very organised, social activities, he may not be a very agile child. I also cycled a lot and, in hindsight, i think this is a good pastime for an ASD teenager as i could explore and get exercise and get away from house and parents for good periods of time. He's a bit young for going off too far on his own but in a year or two that might be an option.

    I would encourage him to focus on his schoolwork as this is an area where the obsessive nature of an ASD can really pay off! He needs to be in a good school that can inspire and direct him. What is his school like? Are they engaged in helping with his problems?

Children
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