starting school

you need to have everything in writing because phone calls aren't traceable documents.  I would write an email direct to the head teacher and cc the board of governors.  In it I would have a line saying if I do not here from you by..... I will be contacting.... think of the most influential person in your council - head of special needs, department of ed etc.  I would say that this is causing yourselves and your daughter a lot of stress and that you do not feel that they are listening to you or being accomodating her needs.  You feel unheard and that your daughter deserves an inclusive education where staff are sympathetic and accomodating to her needs. A partnership between school and a parent will only work if both sides are listening to each other and you don't feel listened to. 

If that doesn't work could you arrange for someone to look after your child for when all of the other children are picked up and speak to the teacher then - I'd bring someone with you too for support as I always find my brain gets muddled when in a stressful situation. 

Good luck

Hi Poppet

I too live in Scotland and my 14 year old son got an ASD diagnosis in the holidays after 2 years of assessments. I've had a running battle with my son's High School and had my first meeting with them today (a Solutions Focused Meeting as it's called) since his diagnosis, the Educational Psychologist and Speech and Language Therapist and Autism Outreach were there too.

I think you should email the Head Teacher and request an appointment to discuss your daughters education and put a time limit on a response from her. If you don't know the email address ring the school and ask, look on their website or ring the Education Department and ask. By putting things in writing you have proof and a 'paper trail'. I would also keep a record of any conversations (who with, dates, what was said, any things that have happened etc) I have for 2 years and believe me I'm so glad I did as I would never have remembered them all and have needed to refer to them on many occasions.

There is lots of useful info on NAS website about education/additional needs in Scotland and you can also download the Autism Toolkit which every school in Scotland should have and use. With a formal diagnosis your daughter's needs are covered under the Additional Support for Learning (Scotland) Act 2004 amended in 2009 again you can download off the internet.

After the meeting email or write to her summarising anything that was agreed (keep a copy) and also fix an appointment with her to see how things are going at the end of the appointment.

Good luck with getting that appointment, don't let them fob you off!

Speak to the Head of the school nd if that didn't work go the the Governers. Teh school should be there to support you not make matters worse. We were very lucky and the playgroup and school were very supportive throughout. Tell them what your child needs and if they are then not supportive I would look to find a school that would be

Hi poppet,

I was in a very similar psition when my son started school, he had gone to a special needs playgroup but it was decided he didnt need to go to a special needs school and should go to mainstream with support.

I am also in scotland so know how the system works here in my LEA but even in the same country the LEA's vary greatly. I attend all the parent forum groups etc that i can and through that I made contacts with people at the LEA, then when faced with difficulties at the school I contacted them who in turn contacted the school and then a lot of issues were resolved.

Its true that if a school think they can fob you off they will, one of my faviorite saying s on hear is that "a squeaky door gets more attention" is so true once you envolve other agencies school realise that they have to answer you as you wont give up untill they do. Its a long winded way to go and you would think it wouldnt be necessary but unfourtunatly it quite often is. 

I totaly agree with Mhairi about the emotional strain on your part and you do need to get all the help you can from all the places Mharii has suggested.

Hope this all helps in some way, best of luck to you and your daughter

sam

x

Your words remind me so much of the teacher we had last year.  My son was a "problem/pain in the neck" that she did not have time for, he would be isolated/ignored rather than supported and it was just tough - or at least that was the impression we got.  I am sure she thought she could force the ASD out of him! However, it was not just tough and we did make progress though it was hard work and straining at times, but I am so glad we did not just let it happen.  The guilt would have been worse.

If all the assesments say she can have her needs met in a mainstream school then the school need to do that.  The down side is, sometimes that can mean quite a lot of work and emotional strain on your part but it can be done.  The NAS can give you a lot of support and an organisation called Chip Plus, if you have not heard of them already.

I am sure your situation will be more straight forward to deal with than ours was, but follow your instincts and persevere and things will get better.

Good for you doing your best for your wee girl!

Hi guys,

           Thanks for the replys,you are both right we are from scotland .

I dont think i mentioned that we don't really know who our daughter's support teacher is going to be as she has already had two so far, one of them being a bit more helpfull than the other (she will at least tell us is if she has had a good day or not).

Her class teacher taught her at nursery school and didn't seem to cope with her needs very well at that stage, it had been suggested that she should go to a special school. So we put an application forward to any special school in our area and everyone involved in her care and education had to write a report. The application was refused by the board on the grounds that they believed she would be able to cope with mainstream school and that the much coveted places in these particular schools would be better suited to children with more needs than our child.

We were actually quite pleased with the the outcome as we also felt she would be able to cope with mainstream school and were glad she would be staying close to home with the friends she had made. Her friends are very important to us because it takes time to get to know our daughter and all the friends she has love and accept her. I've seen my daughter in situations where she has been shunned by other children for her 'innappropriate' behaviour and it breaks my heart.

So the point i have been trying to make is we feel her teacher resents the fact that the application was refused and would sooner not have our child in her class. Dont get me wrong we get the impression that she does care for our daughter but we dont think she has the 'time' for her. Like she is too much of a challenge. It's almost as if because she has been given this 'label' now she has changed.

We just want her to treated like everyone else and if she shows signs of not coping then so be it, we can try somthing else.....but at least give her a chance

Hi Poppet

Life at school can be a whole new ball game.  We have been at a school that was very communicative, empathetic and progressive and latterly, the opposite although I have to say I am optimistic this year will improve with a better teacher.

I agree with tadie123, email works wonders for me and definetely try to have the Support Assistant present at meetings, if possible.  It is really hard to get hold of teachers most of the time and an email to the secretary asking her to pass it on gets the lines of communication open, you have a record of it and you can take your time in deciding how you are going to put the message across.  I quite often type a really passionate, angry email then go back and take all the emotion out that is not going to help us move on.  But boy it felt great typing it first time round anyhow!! Lol.

A lot of people use a communication diary to pass messages between the teacher and yourselves - you may do this already but perhaps they are not responding.

You should be getting the opportunity to meet the class teacher at least once a term for a meeting to go through what is working and what is not.  The earlier you get the date booked in the better as they are not always available and do have a lot of demands on their time and are generally stretched, but your daughter is a priority.  School should be contacting you, but this varies in the ability of the school staff and I have to lead all organistation of meetings where we are or we would be waiting another 3 months for it to happen.  You could also ask for a meeting with the Learning Support Teacher as they will be managing the Support Assistant (assuming you are in Scotland) and they will be a key contact for you as she moves through the school.

It is very early days and a very stressful time for you all, but start as you mean to go on and you will get there.  Show the school respect and praise them for what is going well, but make your point clearly what needs to be addressed and why and indicate what you want to happen next i.e. Can you please call me today/by the end of the week etc.  Email is very effective as you are not holding anyone up that is busy in the middle of something and if they do not respond, you can forward the original email querying, "wondered if you can let me know when you will be able to come back to me on my earlier email?" etc. 

Regular communication is essential as your daughters needs and support will evolve as time goes on.

Take or leave my thoughts as your situation will be different to ours but hopefully there is something in my post that might help you get things moving to where you want them to be. 

Good luck and let us know how you get on

Hi,

Am I right in thinking that you are in Scotland?  I am not sure what your system is but I would suggest that you make an appointment with your school nurse if you have one and have a chat with her.  Hopefully you will be able to get her support.  Maybe you could also put your request for a chat with your daughter's teacher in writing as well or ask to see the head teacher. 

It seems a shame that you are fobbed off by her support assistant.  Perhaps you could ask for her to be present at any meetings you have with the teacher or headteacher so that you can all be sure that you are singing from the same hymnsheet so to speak.  It can be really important for a child's progress and routine for everyone to be working together if at all possible.

I wish you the best of luck and it is lovely that your daughter is doing so well.