banging the table scared my daughter

'She also has a very low age for maths and no concept of time, minutes, hours, days or weeks. She has a high reading age and great IT skills!' 

This describes my own daughter perfectly.  

I've got everything crossed that your daughter's new school is everything you want it to be.  

I think a teacher doing that needs retraining, as they clearly are acting out their own emotions this way and have little regard for the child.

Yes being totally isolated counts as bullying where autism is concerned. Other children excluding or ignoring a child because of disability is bullying or indeed it may count as hate crime.

With starting a new school, look out for information being passed on from her old school, unofficially by teachers responding to casual enquiries, by parents warning other parents this one's odd, or by kids telling other kids. It sure follows you around if you're the odd kid. There's no such thing as a fresh start.

Do quizz what they mean by "will be helped socially". Does that take into account that she will have difficulty, especially with non-verbal elements of socialisation, or just that she'll be coaxed into social situations unaided? - you can learn if you try..... is not appropriate with autistic spectrum.

Thank you everyone. It does get a bit much having to have the tutor visiting so often. The other day my daughter wouldn't come downstairs when the tutor arrived. She said she was definatly not going to look at her and didn't want to be seen. She was having a very anxious and withdrawn day in general. Funny you should say that Longman, the tutor looks and behaves exactly like a post WWll school marm!

I don't think my daughter was bullied, unless being totally isolated can be considered bullying. She spoke to nobody all day and nobody spoke to her. She did not make friends at primary school. I am hoping her new school she starts in september will help her a lot. Her statement says she will be helped socially. She also has a very low age for maths and no concept of time, minutes, hours, days or weeks. She has a high reading age and great IT skills! I have told the tutor an hour is too long for her to sit and concentrate (for her this can feel like a day!) and that due to the way her autism affects her she needs to have breaks, she is now getting a few minutes every 20 mins(I am using visual timer which helps my daughter and means the tutor can't forget!) to jump and somersault around! Thanks again everyone, Hotel California, your sons sound amazing you should be so proud of them, It is great to know things can turn around like that.

Tonia

Hi Tbag

My daughter (Year 8) has gone through a similar process to yours.  She currently has a tutor come to the house once a week for two hours and she is brilliant.  I'm not sure of her qualifications but she has a lot of experience of working with children like my daughter and in the learning centre with children that have been expelled etc.

My daughter also gets 3 hours of online learning with three different teachers.  We met the maths teacher as she came to set up the online learning.  I knew straight away that she had no concept what so ever of my daughters problems.  She was incredibly dismissive when I told her that maths was a very difficult concept and that instructions need to be clear, repetitive etc and she talked in metaphors and idioms for an hour! She also left a maths book behind that was way too hard for my daughter.  

I think you probably need to go back to whoever organises your daughter's tutoring and speak to them.  Alternatively, do you feel you could mention it to her yourself?  Perhaps in an email?  I started a friendly email conversation with the above tutor (on the pretext that I was helping her rather than my daughter) and this worked however, she doesn't come to my house so this made it easier.

Funny how different authorities organise this kind of learning but I'm glad we only have a visitor once a week as I'd find it a logistical nightmare with work and having to be at home.  The online tutors are recorded as well so everyone is protected and I don't need to have an appropriate adult in the house when they are teaching my daughter.

I am not surprised by the behaviour of your childs' tutor.  I know a woman who also does this type of support for the reasons you mentioned.  She has absolutely no training or experience of ASC children and has even admitted as much, yet she has two ASC children on her books suffering from school refusal and constantly moans about them.  

As Longman says the transition to secondary school can be a difficult one.  Tutors for reasons I have yet to fathom turn a blind eye to bullying, and in my situation told me it was just my children's perception, and there was no bullying going on.  

Years on and my sons have become "beacons" for bullied children to go to.  Having experienced the behaviours first hand, they feel it their duty to protect the younger ones and report bullying, much to the annoyance of the tutors I feel, who just don't want to acknowledge it.  

Last week my son provided safe haven to a little year 7 who's school bag was being snatched from him constantly.  The boy has a physical disability and cannot walk without the aid of his crutches and then only for short distances.  He was very distressed and my son (bless him) immediately summoned a Head of Year and retrieved the bag and has told this Year 7 that he has his protection and that of his friends.  He now hangs out with my son et al and is much happier.

Finally, the children who teased and bullied my eldest in Year 7 - 11 have now matured and those that have stayed onto VIth form are very different individuals many of which he really likes and they like him..  there is hope.

Wish you well.

All the more important to ask the Council what training this person has had with supporting children on the autistic spectrum.

For all you know she may have no such background. And you need to ensure she is properly vetted for working with children - don't assume the council will have followed procedure.

Transition from junior to senior school can be traumatic, especially if she had established some meaningful friendships that have not transferred, or if children that knew here before transition have spread the word around her new school environment. Bullying of children on the spectrum by taking advantage of their social and sensory difficulties is widespread, and you might want to make enquiries about what is happening at this school.

Teachers may disregard this type of bullying as mild teasing, and only be aware if there is conventional bullying, if that.  Mild teasing isn't so easy for children on the spectrum to handle, especially if it is the majority picking on one, and she has found no allies.

Banging the table sounds very post WWII school marmish ....not what you'd expect from a professional in this day and age.

She is from a service funded by the council for children who are not at school for various reasons,medical,behavioural, emotional etc. Some of the children she works with have been expelled some are in and out of hospital. My daughter is signed off of school as an 'anxious school refuser'. She is year 7 and became suicidal because of the transition to high school. She was formally diagnosed in the summer holidays aged 11! My daughter was very well behaved in school,she just suffered in silence.

Hi - is her tutor trained in teaching autistic children?  I don't think her response by banging the table indicates that.  You need a good understanding of autism and a good imagination, you need to be flexible to understand how to keep a child (any child) engaged for an hour.  I've found over the yrs that we try and work with people, whether they be tutors, teachers, TA's, support workers etc.  It's right that we should, but it makes presumptions.  That's where things can go wrong.  I think we know, as you do by posting here, that her reaction to your daughter was out of order.  Therefore, whilst we try to work with people, there are limits.  You need to discuss this constructively with her, explaining why you are concerned.  Also, do you absolutely have to let her into your home every week day?  Can you, if need be, after your discussions, refer it to a higher authority if necessary?