Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm new here but feeling pretty overwhelmed and at a loss of what to do to support my daughter and thought some of you may have advice or tell me you've experienced similar? My daughter is 7, I've been pretty sure she's neurodivergent since she was very little. One of the main things I noticed was from around 2 years old she has had such a bad attitude, is rude to people, scowls all the time, she was a very early talker and her tone could sound so mean. This is still the case and it's hard as her Mum as no one has ever talked to her like this so it's not learned behaviour but seemed to just be the way she is. Over time this has become more extreme in that she appears so angry over little things, more like rage which she can't control. This last term at school she's struggled to cope and has hit out at her friends and i've notived a drop off in things like birthday party invites and also more issues even when she's having a 1:1 play date because she can't tolerate not having control over what they might be doing. She doesn't have a diagnosis yet but is on the pathway. I suppose I just want her to be happy and have friends as she grows up and I'm worried she's pushing everyone away, even relatives think she's just badly behaved and rude and that I should be disciplining her more. Thanks, J.
I am going to try this, have also order some loops for kids for when she goes back to school to help with some of the environmental stimulation. I was in her class a couple of times last year and I felt very overwhelmed with the noise and activity level with lots of excited kids and parents all crammed in!
I used to buy small bottles of water for my son and just leave them lying about. 100% just Juice boxes - within reach. All like easter eggs everywhere in the house.
Children are Responsive and Reactionary. They're not old enough to be bittered by the world - they're just trying to make sense of it. And for Autistics, one can live in a perpetual state of confusion until mid 30's or 40's .
Sleep is also a responsibility of GABA (among many other things). But it could be good to find a nootropics or mushroom gummy for children. And here again, just leave it within her reach every morning under the assumption she'll take it, if this is an issue and something you'd like to try.
Thank you, will have a read of this.
Thanks, yes, I have learned that ''punishment' does not work at all, it only makes things worse! I'm feeling better from all these comments and renewed to keep being her advocate and explain to others why I'm not going down the discipline route as she really can't help what is happening to her.
That's so interesting, her 'behaviour' and seemingly bad moods are ALWAYS worse right before she gets ill. We have noticed this, but good to know there is a name for this and it is a phenomenon related to an autistic mind. She also sleeps so little, and doesn't drink enough in my opinion but to ask her to drink results in outright refusal, which are the things I always suggest if anyone is unwell or potentially becoming unwell.
So I want to add, findings since 2020 are now showing in medical papers that it is less inhibition in the body (from conception) designing this different type, with potentials and limitations. Hyper connectivity between hemispheres and less pruning, less interception of incoming signals and less shutting down accelerating brainn waves. This 'police force' in the brain is our gut-brain axis called GABA. I take a mushroom compound which boosts vitamins and promotes GABA. It's a bit like a healthy fungi salad in a tincture with Lions Mane and Reishi. I would recommend - they do make them for children, but it's not a quick fix, just a slow aid. Of course moderation is key, and paying attention to the dietary needs or difficulties is also important. But these have helped my son and myself. Another friend takes just the amino acid building blocks for GABA. I prefer getting mine from natural food sources.
It sounds to me like her sensitivities are over the top. Our bodies can become hyper-sensitive when ill, even. However, with autism, there are a few things happening. One is often this hyper-intense drive for Resolution, part of the ability to problem solve and catch seemingly invisible systems, pattern-see-ing / connexion seeing (not seeking it out, these can be quite plainly obvious to us) and part of Autistic Inertia - this ability to hyper focus, which can make any interruption extremely irritating. Monotropism.org talks about this. I explain this experience of being interrupted similar to waking a sleepwalker.
Sensory sensitivity aslo has a potential. But when young, children won't have the understanding of physics or acoustics or have trained their senses to identify the nuances in Cheese. They won't have the learned experience let alone the vocabulary to express what they're sensing. The right wind, and I can smell dinners in the flats below me, and this is not nice. Now I'm old enough I know when to put ear plugs in if there are painful frequencies, or when to leave a shop if the painful lights are causing me to shake. Children, however cannot tell you when the buzz and hum of a refrigerator is going through the wall and into their room and more grating than a mosquito - every day. It's important to remember Sensory assault is weaponry and classically used against prisoners for torture. Apologies, but it's an important key. Just because most might be able to desensitise to invasive sensory noise, doesn't mean everyone can. And this is a unique biological difference with Autism.
These 2 things will put anyone off being alive in general. Unless you live on an island or in the woods, with natural lights, wearing cotton and cashmere (no polyesters, which are actual plastic), and have a more ancient approach to lifestyle.
There are a few possible things to be done to help modify your daughter's experience of life if she is Autistic. And social skills will need to be taught in detail from an understanding of ethics. Many autistics adopt a hyper-vigilance toward life, due to danger. The Bayesian Theory explains that because we cannot predict social nuances or movement, it can be overly confusing to understand how to engage. The physical milieu is far more dependable: Seasons change and change back. Animals are far more predictable as they don't navigate beyond basic instinct.
There will be a lot of things to adjust to. But I'd start with reorganising her home environment into one she feels safe in, which she can connect and relax in. These are things you wouldn't inherently know as the non-autistic world might be motivated less by physical sensory experience and more by social engagement. For many autistics, social engagement is so much work with little to no reward.
Oh, that must be so hard. Regarding the disciplining issue... You love your daughter and you want her to know she's loved. I'm sure she needs to know that she's loved and that you understand her, which is why disciplining (in the usual sense of punishment) is likely to be counter productive, because it's liable to drive a wedge between you. I'm not an expert and just hope you soon get the help that you need to navigate this.Ian
Hi and welcome!
Diverse UK offers a free PDF download version of "Autism: understanding and managing anger for parents of young people" by Andrew Powell:
Autism understanding and managing anger for parents of young people
The NAS also offers some advice here for parents covering anger management in autistic children:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/anger-management/parents