Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm new here but feeling pretty overwhelmed and at a loss of what to do to support my daughter and thought some of you may have advice or tell me you've experienced similar? My daughter is 7, I've been pretty sure she's neurodivergent since she was very little. One of the main things I noticed was from around 2 years old she has had such a bad attitude, is rude to people, scowls all the time, she was a very early talker and her tone could sound so mean. This is still the case and it's hard as her Mum as no one has ever talked to her like this so it's not learned behaviour but seemed to just be the way she is. Over time this has become more extreme in that she appears so angry over little things, more like rage which she can't control. This last term at school she's struggled to cope and has hit out at her friends and i've notived a drop off in things like birthday party invites and also more issues even when she's having a 1:1 play date because she can't tolerate not having control over what they might be doing. She doesn't have a diagnosis yet but is on the pathway. I suppose I just want her to be happy and have friends as she grows up and I'm worried she's pushing everyone away, even relatives think she's just badly behaved and rude and that I should be disciplining her more. Thanks, J.
It sounds to me like her sensitivities are over the top. Our bodies can become hyper-sensitive when ill, even. However, with autism, there are a few things happening. One is often this hyper-intense drive for Resolution, part of the ability to problem solve and catch seemingly invisible systems, pattern-see-ing / connexion seeing (not seeking it out, these can be quite plainly obvious to us) and part of Autistic Inertia - this ability to hyper focus, which can make any interruption extremely irritating. Monotropism.org talks about this. I explain this experience of being interrupted similar to waking a sleepwalker.
Sensory sensitivity aslo has a potential. But when young, children won't have the understanding of physics or acoustics or have trained their senses to identify the nuances in Cheese. They won't have the learned experience let alone the vocabulary to express what they're sensing. The right wind, and I can smell dinners in the flats below me, and this is not nice. Now I'm old enough I know when to put ear plugs in if there are painful frequencies, or when to leave a shop if the painful lights are causing me to shake. Children, however cannot tell you when the buzz and hum of a refrigerator is going through the wall and into their room and more grating than a mosquito - every day. It's important to remember Sensory assault is weaponry and classically used against prisoners for torture. Apologies, but it's an important key. Just because most might be able to desensitise to invasive sensory noise, doesn't mean everyone can. And this is a unique biological difference with Autism.
These 2 things will put anyone off being alive in general. Unless you live on an island or in the woods, with natural lights, wearing cotton and cashmere (no polyesters, which are actual plastic), and have a more ancient approach to lifestyle.
There are a few possible things to be done to help modify your daughter's experience of life if she is Autistic. And social skills will need to be taught in detail from an understanding of ethics. Many autistics adopt a hyper-vigilance toward life, due to danger. The Bayesian Theory explains that because we cannot predict social nuances or movement, it can be overly confusing to understand how to engage. The physical milieu is far more dependable: Seasons change and change back. Animals are far more predictable as they don't navigate beyond basic instinct.
There will be a lot of things to adjust to. But I'd start with reorganising her home environment into one she feels safe in, which she can connect and relax in. These are things you wouldn't inherently know as the non-autistic world might be motivated less by physical sensory experience and more by social engagement. For many autistics, social engagement is so much work with little to no reward.
So I want to add, findings since 2020 are now showing in medical papers that it is less inhibition in the body (from conception) designing this different type, with potentials and limitations. Hyper connectivity between hemispheres and less pruning, less interception of incoming signals and less shutting down accelerating brainn waves. This 'police force' in the brain is our gut-brain axis called GABA. I take a mushroom compound which boosts vitamins and promotes GABA. It's a bit like a healthy fungi salad in a tincture with Lions Mane and Reishi. I would recommend - they do make them for children, but it's not a quick fix, just a slow aid. Of course moderation is key, and paying attention to the dietary needs or difficulties is also important. But these have helped my son and myself. Another friend takes just the amino acid building blocks for GABA. I prefer getting mine from natural food sources.