15 year old always demanding

NAS95038 said:

She is always demanding and telling me what she is doing and never thinks of anything or anyone else but her self. I think she has PDA,

This sounds quite typical teenager behaviour for someone with a controlling aspect to their personality.

It is quite natural for teenagers to push their boundaries to see how much they can get away with and unless you enforce sensible boundaries for things then she will push and push.

The lack of empathy is quite and autistic trait (you don't actually state she is autistic so I am assuming) but if you explain the boundaries and reasons for them then there is a good chance she will at least consider them. This logic based approach is quite useful for autists who have a strong sense of structure.

Being consistent in your discipline is important too - all parts of the family need to have the same enforcement and support so if you have a partner who caves in then this will undermine you. It would really help to get them working to the same lines as you.

Ditto for any siblings - consistenct is important.

If there are penalties for breaking the rules (eg loss of privelage) then consistently enforce it too.

That would be my approach.

I am sorry I did not state yes she is Autistic and ADHD medicated. She just does not reason with you at all, and using things to her advantage. we do put boundaries in place but they do not work. When you try and speak with her she just answers back. Not sure how much more i can take 

NAS95038 said:

When you try and speak with her she just answers back.

Here is a thought experiment for you.

Parents are the ones who set boundaries and enforce them, much as the law sets down the rules and enforces it through the police force.

If someone breaks the rules, do the police let them answer back, throw their hands up and say "well I tried"?

In many ways you are the law in the house and need to both set the rules plus enforce them.

Consider what the penalties should be for rule breaking. Apply it to all who it covers and enforce it with a rod of iron. For example, you are assigned a chore each week of doing the dishes after dinner. Failure to do this means you lose TV privelages for a day. Two strikes in a week and you have your phone confiscated for 24 hours. Three strikes and it is a week of no phone etc.

You have to put up with the pleading, the whining, the crying and the lashing out to keep them in their place as without rules that are enforced, children tend to move to their more feral nature and the strong control the weak.

If you think about it, if you let this attitude prevail then when she moves into a job in future then she will think she can give the same attitude to her boss and it is unlikely to end well.

That would be my recommendation - allowances can be made for sickness or extenuating circumstances but these should be rarities.

I'm an older Gen X person so I grew up in an environment where this was enforced with physical punishments (several belt slaps over the hand, rapping over the knuckled with a piece of wood etc) and while I don't recommend it these days, the fear of punishment was effective in taking the rules seriously.

All you need to do is find a punishment that is seriously inconvenient but non damaging.

NAS95038 said:

When you try and speak with her she just answers back.

Here is a thought experiment for you.

Parents are the ones who set boundaries and enforce them, much as the law sets down the rules and enforces it through the police force.

If someone breaks the rules, do the police let them answer back, throw their hands up and say "well I tried"?

In many ways you are the law in the house and need to both set the rules plus enforce them.

Consider what the penalties should be for rule breaking. Apply it to all who it covers and enforce it with a rod of iron. For example, you are assigned a chore each week of doing the dishes after dinner. Failure to do this means you lose TV privelages for a day. Two strikes in a week and you have your phone confiscated for 24 hours. Three strikes and it is a week of no phone etc.

You have to put up with the pleading, the whining, the crying and the lashing out to keep them in their place as without rules that are enforced, children tend to move to their more feral nature and the strong control the weak.

If you think about it, if you let this attitude prevail then when she moves into a job in future then she will think she can give the same attitude to her boss and it is unlikely to end well.

That would be my recommendation - allowances can be made for sickness or extenuating circumstances but these should be rarities.

I'm an older Gen X person so I grew up in an environment where this was enforced with physical punishments (several belt slaps over the hand, rapping over the knuckled with a piece of wood etc) and while I don't recommend it these days, the fear of punishment was effective in taking the rules seriously.

All you need to do is find a punishment that is seriously inconvenient but non damaging.

This is terrible advice. No offence, but you have no idea what is happening! Many of us grew up with unreasonable demands and abusive parents. This might not be the case, but in my experience. If children are protesting or “talking back” it can be they experience being wildly misunderstood, misheard, or projected at. Sometimes trapped even. 

It’s a parents job to seek to understand and lead by example. Help get their internal grounding sorted so they enjoy roles with in the family. Little children love helping- that should never get lost. 

To add: that “rod” of whatever is from the bible and is used for redirection and aiding lost sheep. You don’t beat sheep with it. I grew up walking on eggshells. I don’t speak with one parent anymore. Parenting should never be this hard. If it is you’re doing it wrong.