Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
We have recently noticed a change with my BIL particularly with regard to behaviour and communication. Hes 27 and lives at home with his parents (always has). He is one of 3 boys (including my husband, and i would be lying if i said they all were not spoiled through childhood, by that i mean no household responsibilities, waited on, etc.
However, recently they have been navigating a house move which brings considerable stress. My MIL has said she woud like for her and her husband to travel as they have not been away alone for over 27 years.
My brother in law refuses. And states he will be going. My husband tries to intervene, however hes responded to with foul language and i believe by that stage people just wish to difuse a situation.
I suppose im wondering is there anything we can do to support the transition? I would like to this this wpuld lead to conversation around moving out, or for future plans (eg after parent death) as they have never been discussed. I am trying to mitigate any major family fallout
Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated.
Yellow tree 118 said:he has been permanently disabled for the rest of his life.
The OP never said he was disabled or autistic though.
Assuming he in NT, I would advocate the blunt approach and tell him he has until a set date to find himself a new place or he will be evicted. He has no rights that I am aware of (ie no rent contract) and he has been given ample time and opportunity ro sort himself out.
He sounds like a spoiled brat if he is NT.
However, if her is autistic then he has a different set of needs and is likely to need someone to help him with the transition. A therapist to help him with the anxiety and dealing with change, a practical person (think project manager) to help him plan the move and understand what is going to happen, and finally some support for him post move if he is unable to deal with life on his own.
Ultimately the issue is one for the parents to address - they are the authority in the family and the technically responsible people for the property so they will need to take the steps to evict him if needed.
The therapist is probably also the person best suited to discuss the "what about future plans / death etc" questions.
Yeh but the parents maybe the authority in the family but what happens when they lose capacity to make decisions? Then it falls n to the children. How are the children going to feel when they have been evicted by their own parents? I was evicted by my mother and now I haven’t spoken to her in 3 years she doesn’t deserve a son like me. I don’t care if I came out of her womb it doesn’t matter. She did nothing for me and left me to fend for myself so she can live the rest of her life with no son I will never forgive her. The things you have described are quite brutal and cold. You said ‘if he is unable to deal with life on his own’. Well of course he is unable to deal with life on his own I mean he is disabled.