I think my child is autistic - overwhelmed mum

What a lovely response thank you so much, I feel like knowing him is the most important thing and i’ll try to continue to do that and help him feel confident to be who he is, huge thank you from me and my boy 

Wow thanks that is useful and really puts my mind at ease a bit about waiting to see how he gets on! I do think his school appears particularly nurturing and approachable for discussion so hopefully this approach works well. THANK YOU!

Hi MumofBoys!!

I can offer a little bit of targeted support, I've worked in education all my life (including a primary school for 5 years) and have a lot of experience in Special Educational Needs, and of cause AM A WILDLY PROUD ADULT WITH AUTISM AS WELL.

Oh and I've got a couple of children who have just gone through the education system.

Being autistic and at school is a challenge, but not one which is obviously going to be problematic.  I think the best the course of action and one I would advise an friend of mine in the same situation is to allow your son to go to primary school without worrying at this stage about a diagnosis.  Allow him to experience life at school with other children, with teachers and the routines of school life in his own way.  Give him the same opportunity as the other children to experiences his first steps towards his educational journey as other young people.

There will be lots of opportunity to speak to staff at school about your concerns.  The school will have what we call a SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) in secondary schools, colleges and universities the SENCO can be a role in itself, but for most primary schools who deal in small numbers, the SENCO will often be a responsibility of an existing staff member with an interest in this area of education.

If you shared you observations with the SENCO and explained to them your worries regarding how he may struggle with certain aspects of school life, I'm quite sure that they'll be able to offer you some comfort in the ways in which the school approach children with Autism. 

If you explained to them you're interested in pursuing a formal diagnosis, then it'll be something they can arrange through the local authority and educational psychologists (EdSyc's).

There is such a lot of value in getting a diagnosis. Being able to inform this and future schools about your sons autism and how this affects his learning style is really beneficial in terms of the schools being able to provide things like quiet spaces or allowing him "time-outs".  I doubt very much there would be any issues at Primary School as the whole system in the UK is based around a very nurturing model, however by the time he gets to secondary school, being aware of how that environment may affect him is very useful.

Good luck and much love x x x

So sweet of a mom who takes notice of all the ways her kid is special and loves him and wants the best for him! I know it should go without saying but sometimes it isn't so. 

From the kid's perspective, I 'll only say the diagnosis itself isn't whats important. It will help, so I do suggest investing in it. But all that really matters is letting your child be the person he wants to be. It matters that you don't judge, don't control, and let the child be free to stim or be expressive. Notice what he wants and what he enjoys and give him what he needs. 

I am in my 30s and undiagnosed and all I really wish for is not that my mom had dragged me to doctors when yound, but that she had noticed me more. That's all. 

Good luck to you and your boy! 

Hi Mumofboys

You may find it helpful to read our Pre-diagnosis support guide for parents and carers: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pre-diagnosis/parents-and-carers

Also, check out our guides to getting extra help in school for each UK region: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/extra-help-at-school

Best wishes

Sharon Mod

That was helpful thanks! The point about him being introverted is very interesting because I myself was a particularly shy child who would find new situations or people quite overwhelming and have assumed for some time that he is the same. However over time I would say the other traits I have noticed is that socially he appears to want to play with other kids and does try to get involved however when he does he is overly tactile with other children, grabbing and hugging them and squeezing their arm with both hands. He also finger postures, jumps around alot on his tiptoes, lines up toys, has an aptitude for number and letters, he is able to read already. That said in relation to Kate Kestrel comment below he does go to nursery and they have never raised any concerns. He participates well in a group setting, taking turns etc without any problems. However I would say the friends he does have seem to tolerate the contant hugging and squeezing which is something i worry about in a school setting

I want to offer other possibilities as some of the Autism spectrum differences like Dyslexia might appear similar. As would an introverted child who will thrive better when allowed to learn their way (it's important to note that what Jung meant by this is slightly different than how it's used today). Introverts may need more time to themselves, but they don't encounter a daily loss in translation when speaking to others. 

The key difference with autism is the communication difference (which has been called a deficit in the past, but as new papers are showing, we can communicate just fine with each other). Using different words than peers. Reacting as though they are constantly misheard or being confused about a task when you believe you were very clear. We might struggle to find a word for things, but so will dyslexics. However, autistics often feel an inability to predict the world around, especially socially. One can be overwhelmed and act as if they're in a 'fog' (which is something covid can cause as well as covid changes the gut microbiota, affecting our neurology and can surface as Monotropism). Autistics tend to have unknown allergies and gut issues, but our differences with sensory sensitivities and hyper-focus don't wax and wane. We can learn calculated tools to work with our strengths and limits and take measures to protect our highly sensitive senses, which won't ever filter out or dull like everyone else. 

If you had examples of traits, it could be useful for a thread like this. There are a great deal of autistics adults on the site and most of us with shared experience.

First of all - it’s possible he might be ok when he starts school. Has he been to nursery at all? How does he get on with other children? Does he have any friends? 
I’d look at the evidence you have at this point of how he gets on in group settings. If there have been difficulties in this area then I’d do all the research you can regarding autism so that you will very informed and aware and can spot any issues if they arise. I would only go to the GP now if your son is already having problems in some way - because a gp can’t address anything that isn’t currently happening. 
Even if you go to the GP tomorrow I doubt you’d get any kind of diagnosis before your son starts school in September. 

Thanks so much! That is absolutely my concern that i could help him avoid the misery instead of “waiting to see how it goes”. At the moment he appears to cope well day-to-day however i worry about what he’s thinking or worrying about that I have no idea about. 

I would strongly advise early intervention as quickly as possible by speaking to your GP as quickly as possible - children get seen to and diagnosed much more quickly these days and in your child’s case, early intervention is utterly vital in order to prevent more serious problems later on - too often, people do not see the value of early intervention and prevention - being diagnosed later in life myself, you can avoid your child having to go through years of misery from lack of a diagnosis and support 

Thank you for your reply, much appreciated! 

Mumofboys said:

he starts primary school in Augus

I would speak to the school and ask for their Special Educational Needs Co-Ordinator (SENCO) and talk to them about your concerns.

This sort of stuff should be their job and they should be trained on assessing your child and providing a suitable educational environment for them.