Published on 12, July, 2020
My Child who is 6, started removing his all of his bottom half of clothing in protest last year to prevent me taking him to school.
Recently he’s flashed his bottom and front parts a few times and I addressed it and it seemed to stop.
Over the course of the weekend he has continuously pulled his pants down. He gets very annoyed at me when I say “Stop I don’t like that” or “Not a good choice” his response is to scream and tell me to “no” or “get out”
I have asked things like do you want to change your pants, need a nappy, toilet or shower. To which he says no.
My son would much rather be naked all the time but over the past year I’ve tried to make sure he keeps pants and a vest on as he’s not a small toddler anymore and I don’t want him running about our garden with no clothes on and his sibling feels very uncomfortable when he’s naked.
I’m not sure if this is naughty behaviour or it’s sensory. He does have lots of sensory issues with clothing.
I've found that with kids, if you can, provide things they want to engage with.
For instance, it's hard to know if this is a sensory issue or if he's experiencing a sense of disconnect, which is part and parcel of the language barrier of Autism.
If you give him 100% marino and/or cotton jersey, even 100% silk pj pants and he doesn't want to take them off, that's a win. Our biology is such that natural fibres aid the body's ability to internally regulate temperature. Plastic fibres - polys and nylons do the opposite, and even in small amounts blended into natural fibres, they can be irritating.
Kids cannot communicate very well as is. They don't have the education to identify the physics of acoustics as to why a sound may be harmful to the ear canal or the psychology behind human social behaviour and the struggle to find grounding through a sense of purpose and belonging. Always assume these needs and meet them before the child asks, that's our job as parents.
The world is confusing for small children at best. Autistic children aren't socialised into social collectives the same, and are missing what motivates everyone to: sever themselves from family far too early, subject themselves to being educated while also experiencing a loss in translation, moving in doors instead of climbing trees and connecting to the earth. These synthetic ways of being human are not instinctively intuited.
Perhaps allow this nakedness at home. We accept the David in a gallery. It could be he's misunderstanding your intense response to it. But also, children don't know what they want. Provide acceptable choices, so they feel respected and everyone wins. Such as telling them we all attempt to use the loo before leaving the house. I know you don't have to, but give it a quick try just because.
Kids are not capable of making healthy life-affirming reasoned and seasoned choices. 20 year olds are not capable most of the time either. Somewhere between 30-40 perhaps we can expect to have been better exposed to ALL the choices available, understand how to problem solve and think about action and consequence. Kids won't understand this. :)
Last year when he returned to school, he was unable to wear his uniform it became a real stressor for him, his full wardrobe of clothing & shoes that I had for him became unsuitable. He could only wear long johns and thermal T-shirts and could no longer wear the boxers with the elasticated waist.l. I trialled boxers with cotton waistband and they seemed to be okay. Only recently have I been able to introduce a new brand of loose fitting leggings and Tops, he’s managed really well with them to the point he’s not questioned them at all when i first tried them on him. They are 100% cotton organic.
I just checked the pants/boxers that i currently have and they are 95% cotton & 5% elastane so I will need to purchase some new ones that are 100% cotton incase the 5% elastane is bothering him.
When you say disconnect, do you mean a disconnect from me? Or his environment? He is very sensitive to people and will ask at times if I’m angry. I try to be mindful of my body language but sometimes if I frown or rush around or stand up quickly he will assume something is wrong and other times he apologises when he has done nothing wrong another example is, if i have my arms folded he will say I’m angry when im not. I did speak with a lady who’s mindfulness class i attend and she said this sounds like rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
I would allow the nakedness as home if it was just him & I but my other child who is PDA/adhd is very triggered by this and he makes his feelings very clear to my younger son in a not so kind way and Im often a referee between both as things can escalate pretty quickly. He finds a lot of his brothers needs triggering such as wearing a nappy, dummy etc.
I just don’t want him to feel like he’s doing something wrong if it is a sensory need and in a way the things I’m saying are guilt tripping him when he doesn’t have the language skills to actually tell me.
On this: you could try just taking him to the shower every time he takes them off, don't ask. If this happens too many times and it's not what he's trying to communicate, he might keep them on. But I'd first ensure it's not the fabrics in that part of his body, or there's no rash from detergent.
If he prefers no clothes, these 2 things could be good to change first.