Help with adult AS boy

Thanks I'll look those up.Good luck , the college course sounds like a good i dea to channel your sons love of computers, Thanks Longman your replies are much appreciated.

And theres me scratching my head after the original came through on email - as workforce used to mean doing litter picking, but is now usually NHS recruiting or several private employment consultancies.

Work Choice is part of the Government's new Disability Confident programme. I don't know about it, but another respondent 'caretwo' has given some impressions in the thread Jobcentre Plus Disability Employment Advisers, in the category Work and Volunteering, dated yesterday.

But however well intentioned it is, the fact is that DWP staff lack training and awareness, and really seem to know nothing whatsoever about disability.

They've published a Survey of Disabled Working Age Job Seekers, which actually seems to be about health conditions, and shows the most cras misconceptions about disability. And that survey was conducted by ipsoMORI and written up by a DWP Principal Research Officer.

Doesn't bode much hope.......

Sorry,I should have said work choices,and not work force ><

Hi Longman

Thanks for your input, it is nice to hear from the perspective of someone who also has AS, please be assured we don't tell him that he isn't trying hard or other things along those lines.  We feel very frustrated on his behalf. He has applied for jobs but no success as yet.  

I have looked at possible jobs for him to try to go for, and just said "what do you think of this".  Sometimes he applies but other times he will put a barrier in the way as to why he can't do it.  He is at present writing to a company my hubby used to work for in the hope of work exp on on the job training.

His counsellor gave him some info on work force, do you think that may help him?

I just want him to be happy, but fear for his future

Although I'm thinking back more than forty years I can still remember my feelings at the time, pretty demoralised. And I was being told all the time I was lazy, everything was down to me and I wasn't trying. Of course I didn't have a diagnosis.

On the spectrum you process issues over and over that NTs would quickly set aside and forget. It leads to huge "armories" of complicatedly reinforced negativity that can no longer be unravelled. You end up as an excuse rather than someone with excuses. You can have no idea of the long term damage being done at this moment in time - a young adult with severe negativity and poor self esteem, even if things get better, will take years to sort out and forget.

I know my difficulties in my teens and early twenties were still ruling my life in my forties, because I couldn't resolve them and felt so low about them, and really it was only the diagnosis that enabled me to offload a huge amount of unproductive personal "baggage". 

So if I could implore you on your son's behalf try not to reinforce the negativity. You can get addicted to people telling you you're not trying. That's one reason why the bullies have so much fun with people on the spectrum, they agree with the insults. You're going to have to work hard at giving him positive messages.

The other thing I remember is that, while I resented being told things were down to me and it was my fault things had worked out the way they had, in the end it came down to my making a decision to sort things out. It has to come from your son.

So his confidence and self esteem need all the boosting he can get.

The problem is that negative reinforcement, and his depressed state, is taking up all the productive space in his head. So there isn't room in there to step back and rationalise, weigh up priorities, think outside the box, see new ways forward.

So you may have to do some job market research yourself, and feed the information to him discretely, so it doesn't come over as his failure.

A lot of the problem during a recession is too many people after the same jobs. There are often new avenues out there that just need pioneers. People on the spectrum are sometimes surprisingly good at that, partly because they aren't dependent on social acceptance and following the pack.

I've never been able to do what I wanted work wise (yeah I know aint we all in that boat!), but in the end I had to make compromises. Sometimes the compromises are quite weird.

Granted when I did find secure employment it was after getting a PhD but for the first 12 years I was working as a systems engineer in Research and Development. Now I've no engineering qualifications, and engineering is really fussy about that. Nor was I any good on computers, being a visual thinker not a numbers person. But I spent those twelve years helping aeronautics engineers and others design fighter aircraft cockpit displays, battlefield management displays, communications networks displays etc. I had certain attributes, clearly down to my Aspergers, that enabled me to do that and have a value.

It is worth reading John Elder Robison's "Look me in the Eye". Its a very positive perspective about someone on the spectrum who finds his narrow interests highly productive as a sound engineer for rock bands and as a motor mechanic on antique cars. I think it shows it can be done.

Longman, thank you for your advice.  He failed most of his 2nd yr modules, despite being given two extenuating circumstances extensions.  He initially took a year out to try to sort out his depression, but during that time admitted to us that the course was not what he expected it to be.  It had to be his choice to withdraw but it took a long time for him to reach that decision.  His college course contained a lot of components that were in the uni course, but due to the current climate the gaming industry is suffering and not so many things available in this country.

He looks every day for jobs, no luck so far.  I wonder whether he should try a part timecollege course, such as computer programming as he is good at that, with the hope that it could open up other options for him.  Trouble is he doesn't like advice, thinks I'm interfering.

Barnaby Crumble, I forgot to say another place to look at is Work Choices, on thegov.UK website, they could be useful for you, I'm going to encourage my son to do this, just got to break through his negativity :(

How many CATS points did your son get, Catfan62? - ie was enough work completed in the two years to have parts of a degree that he can pick up on and use if he decides later to go back and finish, or if he decides to build up a qualification from bits and pieces? Usually first year modules do not count for much as it is groundwork, but did he complete any second year modules?

Dropping out during second year is quite common, with or without a disability. The course content gets more demanding but the supervision is reduced - many students stumble because they find themselves alone and quickly out of touch.

Also some courses that look good at first lose their attraction in second year, or throw up issues that weren't obvious in first year. This can be particularly difficult for someone on the spectrum as things that could be problems often don't show up until second year.

Reading between the lines he had a "btec in multimedia" before going to university? - what was the level and nature of it? Did he do the same sort of thing at University? 

As he has a disability the university should have been open to part-time study, or offered other options for continuation. I wouldn't give up on completing a degree as there are ways around this.

To Barnaby Crumble agricultural colleges do offer degree courses usually in conjunction with a university so if he is doing well there explore with them the longer term opportunities.

The sad thing with autistic spectrum is not getting jobs after gaining a qualification. After getting a confidence boost from successful study, the lack of any "moving on" can take things right back. The only consolation I can offer is the more skills acquired, and the more a student's mind is opened to possibilities and ways of finding out more, that in itself is beneficial because it is easier to find things to occupy the mind and keep active. A developed enquiring mind is an asset in itself.

There are now too many graduates - a good idea to make degree study more accessible, but it has to feed into a job market, and a glut of graduates, especially in markets with few real openings, isn't helping. Unfortunately Britain shunned the Continental work experience based qualifications (eg Baccalaureate) for rather airy degrees. Hence agricultural college can make a lot of sense as it is experiential in a big way rather than theory.

If the degree isn't practical based, you can make up the practical component, and then go back to the theoretical to finish a degree. Are there jobs Catfan62 in what your son was studying, that he could try for a period at a lower entry level, even part-time or part voluntary, that would enable him to explore his potential and narrow his sights? That way he might go back and finish a degree in a year or two, having practical knowledge to strengthen his case.

True for some people the difficulties may mean few real job prospects, but I keep hoping thigs will improve. But also things can change with autism mid 20s and giving up now might be the wrong approach.

I wish both of you and your sons luck and success.

Hi again,  

Really nice to hear from you again, it's good to be able to share worries etc.  He was, and still is at times, fearful of things changing but as he got oldr he learnt to adapt.  We live in a small town and up until he went to college, he had never been on a bus, so I went with him on a few dummy runs before he started as he has no sense of direction.

The biggest challenge was when he started uni, just over 100 miles away.  Being in halls was good as it was opposite the uni, and being "disabled" meant he was able to stay in halls for yr 2 in his old room.  He made some nice friends who looked out for him.  I was fine in his first year but worried somuch 2nd year when he couldn't cope so was glad when he withdrew, I just worry about himnow really.

It sounds like a good idea for him to help you on your smallholding, my son is fixated about making computer games.  I think I will try to encourage him to do a part time course.  Apart from family I dontvget any support 

Thanks Ill look them up, My son was going to media college but we had to take him out of school in the early part of year 11 as he kept shutting down and it became apparent that it wasnt the media that held his interest it was his brilliant relationship with the teacher. Also we did a few trips to the college and he wouldnt have coped with the busyness of the city and the college, they had offered him brilliant assistance but he had 2 roads to cross to get into the college and he wouldnt have even coped with that.

    He now goes to Agricultural college near us and is doing very well, they help a lot but he has now become obsessed with wanting to drive a tractor, they do some driving there and we & the college let him have a go at his tractor test, which he failed as he was driving to slow, bless him. the instructor overtook him walking, all he wants to do is drive but he goes into high red mode when he does anything under preasure, so at the moment its not a good idea.

   We have a small holding and im just wondering if its worth letting him build up a few animals at home and then we can keep an eye on what he is doing but he will feel like he is building his own future. I do logging with our ponies and I have one to break, ive asked him to help me and he seems keen so thats one thing to get him focused, but he says he isnt going on any course unless its a driving course.

    I just want him to be happy, but dealing with someone that doesnt get excited about anything that isnt his latest obsession, doesnt have an incling of compromise is proving a tad tricky, and hes only 16. Im also worried about him being isolated here, I know that is his ultimate dream, never to venture out of our farm again. but its not helping him is it?

   Your son sounds like he did well and had good support, such a shame that it has not continued for him, how did he like living alone?. \how did you feel about him living away?. I think id have a melt down let alone my son..lol. Do you have any support?.

R x

Hi

It's still nice toknow that someone feels the same as me.  What is your son doing at college and does he get support there?  My son had a support worker there and came away with a btec in multimedia, so there is hope!  He went to uni for 2 years and had support there too, unis are very good at that sort of thing.

He just really couldn't cope with the course and although it went downhill, he lived independently for a year so it gives you hope.

Please don't think your son will get depression, everyone is different, but through his counsellor he has been given an organisation to look at called pluss (yes, it does have two esses), they can help peoplebwith disabilities finding work, job coaching and work trials, so that may be of help to you.  I'm trying to get him interested in that at the mo x

Hi, Im in the same boat as you, my son is 16 and going to college but it is becoming very apparent that employment is going to be a big issue, we are trying to be realistic but im sure this will sound like we are being negative, we cant see our son having a job, how ever much he wants one, we dont think he will find something that gives him the support that he needs, we are also really worried about what will happen when his cousins and his sister start to drive, he wants to get a car but its not going to happen, there is a large difference between what he thinks he can do and what he is capable of and it is really frustrating him. It would be good to know if he will mature as he gets older but we are only guided by how he is at the moment and talk of future plans of jobs and driving only make him feel worse. Im worried about depression as well. Sorry Im no help, just wanted to let you know, your not alone xx