How do you deal with Family Members who don't support your child's Autism!

Pick your battles. Some people are more open to learning about the realities than others. It’s really not worth banging your head off a brick wall trying to get some people to understand. If you think that some people are shocked/interested in the things you say about the diagnosis then work with them. People who stubbornly insist that it’s your/their own fault or imaginary are not worth tackling. No contact is often preferable here but I know people who would contact me twice daily if they thought I wasn’t talking to them, but can go at least a year without noticing I haven’t called… shhh don’t tell them xx

I love it! Thankyou i wish you was in my head when I responded! I think i was more in shock so did.nt say too much. I will remember this as it is spot on! Xx

Arh Thankyou sorry to hear about your Dads comments to you that sounds hard! Seriously no one chooses to be Autistic! its so hard and you just want to be loved and accepted just they way you are. I.m glad you have friends who accept you for you. My daughter also has some great friends that accept her for her we will continue to try and educate family members but like my daughter said to me today they have know for the past few years and they have never changed so mayb we should just accept that and move on! It just seems to cut deep when its family!! I went clubbing when i was younger and its over rated! Spending time with people you can laugh and chat with is so much better. I.m sure her birthday will be good. Take good care Xx

Thankyou so much glad you have special memories of your birthday that how it should be Xx

Thankyou the main thing i try and focus on now is my daughter's happiness and hopfully they will come round and take the time to learn about it. Sorry to hear you have gone through a similar experience with your daughter. It must of helped her lots to have you and your other daughter to understand her. Xx

Arh Thankyou i will try to educate my family and hope thet will be more open and understanding. I.m sorry you had that experience at school that sounds really tough but you should be proud of yourself getting through it. Xx

Amy said:

He then said she should go out and enjoy herself and he can get her Autism out of her! as he is good with young people and on there level.

I would straight up call him out on this and shame him into doing some research. My response would be something like:

"Wow - I always though you were the intelligent one but you have clearly got no understanding of a neurological condition like autism. For my daughter is is like experiencing the noise twice as loud as it is for you, not being able to separate the conversations from the music and experiencing the lighting as if she had a migrane Are you surprised she doesn't want to go?.

You just don't get it because you didn't even bother to look it up - I'm so dissapointed that you think so little of your niece that that is too much trouble for you.

Go educate yourself and stop being a neanderthal."

That level of burn should hurt badly enough to make them realise they didn't even bother to understand what is a serious confition for your daughter and also make the others around realise they could be on the sharp end of your tongue if they make similar stupid comments.

That is just my approach.

I don't have any direct advice, but I can relate and sadly this kind of reaction about autism happens too often. My dad gets really angry when I talked to him about being autistic- he once even said to me that I was ruining my life by accepting that I was autistic. Some people just will not understand. You can try to subtly educate them but it can be hard to change people's misguided views and opinions about autism. Those people that I am close too don't treat me any differently and it was just accepted. A lot of my friends said they were actually autistic too. My mum was confused. Like me she didn't know what it meant and so she asked lots of questions to try and understand but she is super accepting (and also autistic most likely we now know). In the work place or with people I don't know well it is often safer to just state the symptom or challenge. eg. "I am sensitive to noise" rather than say I am autistic. They can relate much more to these statements and often have misguided ideas about autism. If you then end up telling them you are autistic they will already have learnt about some of your quirks and it can help them understand it. 

Also plenty of non-autistic people do not like to go clubbing either! Have you tried to explain to your brother in law how overwhelming all the noise and the people would be? I assume your daughter does not want to go clubbing? Maybe this doesn't even have to be about autism- noone can or should force anyone to go clubbing and it is perfectly normal to not want to do that - autistic or not. 

I was not aware I was autistic until later in life but do remember the difficulty of people wanting me to do things I didn't find easy. I don't understand why people feel they should tell you how to celebrate when it is for the enjoyment of the person whose birthday it is. When I was 18 I enjoyed a special meal with friends and have happy memories.

I hope your daughter has a lovely time at the meal and others can see there can be enjoyment in different ways of celebrating.

So sorry to hear your family are not supportive. I can only sympathise as luckily my family are supportive. My daughter is 18 next week, had lots of similar issues throughout the last few years and on the waiting list for a diagnosis Her younger sister and I now have a diagnosis. It is not your fault that they are ignorant about autism in general but more particular autism in females. I can only suggest finding a support network who do support you who you can connect with for support, suggest to your family they do their own research around the subject to educate themselves. There are a number of female celebrities who have been open about their diagnosis you could tell them about. I really hope they come round to accepting her for who she is. As long as she is happy that is the main thing to focus on.

Wow, clearly there's still a long way to go in educating people about autism. Especially autism in people who can mask. When I was at school I struggled with the chaos and children and only got through the days by being mute and basically hiding away - no-one, including me, even thought about it possibly being autism. I was labelled 'just shy' - possibly because I was a girl and at the time autism was seen as an almost entirely male thing. I think it's great that things have progressed since then and that your daughter has had an assessment at age 15 and am really glad that it has helped her start to accept herself. I'm rubbish at giving advice but I'd say keep trying to gently educate your family. Maybe they will slowly start to understand?