Published on 12, July, 2020
My Beautiful Daughter was diagnosed with Autism 2 years ago when she was 15yrs old. We had been through the worse time with her as she had a complete breakdown! she was suicidal and had complete school refusal, this all lasted for a couple of years and to cut a very long and painful story short she was eventually diagnosed privately with Autism which made alot of things fall into place and was the start for her to understand herself and accept herself for how she is.
One of the hardest parts of all this is is how certain members of my family have reacted towards the diagnosis. I have been accused of putting a label on her! by getting her diagnosed that I am to overprotective of her and I need to let her grow up and figure this all out for herself. I have explained if I did this she would be dead! as that was how she was feeling and yet they still don't get it!! I have tried to educate my family on how Autism presents in girls and how it has a massive impact on a persons life! but they just don't understand they think I'm overreacting. My nephew refuses to thinks his cousin has autism and has said the diagnosis is wrong! My Mum and Sister also think she will grow out of it.
My Daughter is turning 18 in Nov and I have arranged a meal in Brighton for her, My brother in law asked if she would be going out drinking clubbing afterwards! now she is 18 I explained that she wouldn't be able to deal with all the noise and people in a busy nightclub so she was more than happy to have a family meal and mayb a cocktail to see in her birthday! He then said she should go out and enjoy herself and he can get her Autism out of her! as he is good with young people and on there level. WOW I could not believe what he said I was shocked that he thinks like this and it goes to show what he thinks autism is. Arhh I find it so frustrating and I'm trying hard to not let it get me down to much but it really does.
Have you had to deal with family members who don't understand or support you? How do you deal with them? is it easier to just stay away from them as there lack of support is unwanted in an already hard situation.
I don't have any direct advice, but I can relate and sadly this kind of reaction about autism happens too often. My dad gets really angry when I talked to him about being autistic- he once even said to me that I was ruining my life by accepting that I was autistic. Some people just will not understand. You can try to subtly educate them but it can be hard to change people's misguided views and opinions about autism. Those people that I am close too don't treat me any differently and it was just accepted. A lot of my friends said they were actually autistic too. My mum was confused. Like me she didn't know what it meant and so she asked lots of questions to try and understand but she is super accepting (and also autistic most likely we now know). In the work place or with people I don't know well it is often safer to just state the symptom or challenge. eg. "I am sensitive to noise" rather than say I am autistic. They can relate much more to these statements and often have misguided ideas about autism. If you then end up telling them you are autistic they will already have learnt about some of your quirks and it can help them understand it.
Also plenty of non-autistic people do not like to go clubbing either! Have you tried to explain to your brother in law how overwhelming all the noise and the people would be? I assume your daughter does not want to go clubbing? Maybe this doesn't even have to be about autism- noone can or should force anyone to go clubbing and it is perfectly normal to not want to do that - autistic or not.
Arh Thankyou sorry to hear about your Dads comments to you that sounds hard! Seriously no one chooses to be Autistic! its so hard and you just want to be loved and accepted just they way you are. I.m glad you have friends who accept you for you. My daughter also has some great friends that accept her for her we will continue to try and educate family members but like my daughter said to me today they have know for the past few years and they have never changed so mayb we should just accept that and move on! It just seems to cut deep when its family!! I went clubbing when i was younger and its over rated! Spending time with people you can laugh and chat with is so much better. I.m sure her birthday will be good. Take good care Xx