Seperation anxiety? Help

Hi Chocolate Buttons

Thanks a lot for your thoughts. We have had a better week, he actually loves preschool and runs in without saying goodbye to me so that is a relief. I am still having problems with the eating but have calmed myself down about it and dont worry about it. I still have the interrupted sleep and early starts but go to bed early now (what an exciting life!). We had a breakthrough with the picture cards when we went out the other day and he passed me the drink andlunch one and the one of my car when he was ready to go so I feel happier that we can progress with this. Its hard when you feel so tired all the time to do these things but I am going to try. The garden meltdowns are still there but I am gradually working myself to just inside the door so he can still see me which seems to help, although I hope this passes before winter as I dont mind when its nice and sunny. Its a shame as he has been so lovely this week I really felt I was losing him a few weeks ago, I think it all gets on top of you and then you cant cope with anything.  I am trying to be more positive and this forum really helps, its great as you dont feel you are moaning all the time and people understand. Other friends just have no idea what a day can be like or how long a day can be!

Hi Tj thanks for keeping updated with whats happening with your son! I wonder why hes started to cry at the child minders! Did she say anything about it. Lets hope hes ok at pre school. You say you dont think its the move. Lets hope he gets the help he needs and you get a bit of respite from the situation. I have myself suspected aspergers and other health conditions which wasnt seen to when i was growing up,therefore im suffering now and i wouldnt want you or your son to go through problems i had so you must insist he gets the help he needs! All the best

chocolate buttons

Hi Chocolate Buttons

Thanks for your thoughts and comments, I have been thinking today and we attend a special needs group fortnightly at a childrens centre where they play and get to use the sensory room which he loves and I remember them telling me about an outreach family support person so I was going to ask further about this. Like you say, even if it was someone who could just perhaps take him out for an hour for me to give me a rest. My mum is great but she works too and she is getting older and I dont want to put on her. I know a lot of kids play up with their mums but it is definately something about being at home although he does love his house and garden (we only moved in Feb). I thought it may have been the move but I dont think it is. Im going to try and toughen up and take deep breaths when all this happens but how long it will last! I love him to bits and would give up everything for him and he is usually so lovely but its our lack of communication causing the problems. Apparently he just started crying at childminders today for no reason as well, he has preschool tomorrow so will see how he is there for them.

Hi Tj just read your latest post today,its sounds like your having such a hard time with your son at the moment. I wonder why he acts up with you but is good when your mum looks after him! It must be frustrating to you if people dont believe he is like that! How do you feel about having him in respite care for a little while just to give you a bit of a break from him? I dont mean it in a horrible way i just dont know how else to word it! As you say you have to cope with your job as well. It sounds like something is troubling him and is playing up with you as he thinks you wont tell him off. It also sounds as if he cant express himself to you altho he wants to. But you cant read his mind to kow what he wants. How do you feel about contacting childrens service that deals with autism? You could try to google it on the internet. Or what about social services or do you think thats not such a good idea? I wish i had more suggestions for you! Take care!

Well, things are not getting better. One positive thing is he is sleeping in his own bed now but waking early hours of the morning, wide awake so it is impossible to get him back to bed. I feel I am losing him, we had such a close connection and this seems to be getting further and further away now. he is only like it with me and I dread coming back from work as I know what it will be like. Meltdown after meltdown when I ask him to do something. I dont give in all the time but have to sometimes or I would never eat! He still wont play in garden on his own and the door slamming is terrible but I have put door stops on to foil him. Obsessions rule his life and change all the time, the latest is being on the windowsill upstairs but I cant leave him there and I just dread the meltdown when I stop it. I feel Im being a wimp as he is trying to control me although I feel he is too young to have those thoughts really. Feel so sad as my mum had him all day today to give me a break, good as gold, not one grizzle and as soon as home he started with me. Even she notices as Im sure people think am making it up. I try not to give negative vibes to him as I know they can pick up when you are stressed.  He wont eat and just loads it on a spoon and mashes it up its so disheartening as he used to be such a good eater. How do you communicate feelings with a child that does not speak. I feel I am failing as everything I am advised to try I do and it never works (pecs etc). Any ideas as to who else I could talk to apart from Early Years. I am getting too tired to function at home and work and cope with him and I never thought I would say that but I feel his autism is becoming more apparent by the week. I really feel he hates me and hates being in this house with me

Hiya i think he could be distressed as you say he doesnt see his dad regularly. I think every 6 months is very unsettling. Maybe your son could be confused as he doesnt know if hes dad loves him or not if he doesnt see him much. Its good you had a good day and he slept in hes own bed. Its also good that pre school allowed you to stay with him for a few hours and then he managed to be ok on hes own there. You could be right at the moment as it could be too much for him the way hes feeling to be away from you too much. Maybe you could ask the dad does he love hes son if he does he needs to show him he does by being in regular contact with him and to make him feel loved. Sorry if im rambling and hope i make sense. Good luck!

Hi chocolate buttons

Yes I am beginning to wonder if he just finds it too much staying at his Dads as my ex does not have him enough (although he visits fortnightly) and then wants him overnight but its literally once every 6 months. I dont think any child could just accept this and I tried last year to explain it would be best every 6 weeks just for a weekend but he just doesnt make the effort and now its too late. Theres nothing else that has happened that could make him like this. He has been doing settling sessions with me in  preschool since April, they have been brilliant and I left him for 2 hrs last week and he was fine but I am worrying this may make things worse just the way he is at the moment.  We have had a better day today but then Ive been out most the day with him - its when we get home hes like it so very frustrating and upsetting for us both. He did sleep in his own bed all night though last night for the first time in a month so maybe????

Hi do you think something happened to your son at his dads to make him this distressed? It must be frustrating that he cant explain what happened there. maybe when he starts pre-school its best to have a word with the teacher and if for a few hours you can remain with him until hes used to a new environment and other children. I hope this helps.

Hi Princessahara

Thanks a lot for replying, it does help to know it is not just my boy which I know its not, just sometimes days are worse than others. I am going to try and do some short exercises of leaving the room and returning to see if this helps. He is fine when we are out and lovely, you wouldnt believe it is the same child - butter wouldnt melt! Its such a shame but I was warned things may get worse as he gets older and I feel so sorry for him as its as hard for him and to feel so anxious is terrible. Good luck with your little girl too and thanks again x